Dating/Friendships

I’m new to this site. I came here looking to see if I could find a female friend to talk to and confide in. After looking through the site, I find that I’m a little dismayed. Women, you don’t have to literally bare yourself to skeezy guys (you know who you are) to be accepted or considered worthwhile people to know. I’m not judging those who actually are exhibitionists and get off on baring their assets. However, I find it hard to believe that every woman in those pics is that way. I suspect that many of you think that you have to do that just to get the acknowledgment that you exist and are worthy of someone’s attention. Well, I am here to tell you that there are plenty of people, just like me, who want to be your friend. Yeah, I am initially attracted to you because of your size and shape, but every relationship has to start somewhere. I will respect you and treat you as another worthy human. I am from the Deep South, and I travel to New Orleans and Mobile every hear for Mardi Gras. Every year, there are women who will flash their breasts to get a handful of cheap beads thrown at them from the floats. I always think to myself, “I would give you flowers and my undivided attention, and you wouldn’t have to flash a single piece of your anatomy.” If there are women on this site who just want to have someone attracted to them, not “in spite of” them being round and soft, but BECAUSE of that, and then have that person treat them with old-fashioned, deep south respect, dignity, and charm, then drop me a line. As we say down here, “You are fine china, so quit letting men use you once and throw you away like a cheap paper plate.”

*sips tea*

You're on a fetish site, man. This is like going into Burger King and getting mad they sell burgers.

Have you considered that maybe these women post these pictures because they like doing this? That maybe their sexual expression isn't tied to their self worth?

If you *really* want to be productive, turn your ire to the skeevy men you mentioned earlier.

You say you respect the women that frequent this site, but you're unwilling to show your face here... That's not respectful, that sounds like a closeted chaser and is the same as all the guys on here I've talked to without pictures on their profiles so far.

There are always excuses guys come up with for why they don't want to put pictures up, but they're all a bunch of bullshit to mask that they're too much of a coward to show themselves on a site where people enjoy something other than what media keeps trying to sell us as beautiful.

If you actually respected the women on here and the community itself you wouldn't be afraid to post pictures of your face.

The bigger problem imo is that women are willing and able to show themselves off (rightfully so because they're all gorgeous!) but a lot of guys will hide behind their fears of being publicly seen with a woman that isn't considered socially acceptable by their friends and family.

If you honestly want women like the ones on this site, act like it and put your pictures up and be a part of the community, otherwise you're just a coward pretending to be better than the assholes that use this site as a spank bank

As a stalking survivor, I do hold some empathy for people who don't post pics of themselves online.

That being said, you are 100% right about guys who are sexually attracted to big women but treat them as a dirty secret.

53 year old dude with no pics shaking his fists that women have the unmitigated audacity to actually promote body positivity by posting pictures of themselves......yeah, big catch this one🤣

"female friend to confide in" is using us as your emotional laborer. We're HUMANS. We do not exist solely for *your* comfort, entertainment, or companionship. The fact that you have the nerve to come here, with no content, no photos, no substance, then tsk-tsk at us for not being what exactly *you* want is disgusting and makes you worse than the "skeevy" ones.




Nobody does it for you. We do it for ourselves. God forbid we might enjoy our own bodies (and another example of the blatant fatphobia that fetishists relish: assuming fat women show off their body for anothers' approval without ever considering we enjoy our own)

Try empathy and "being that friend" to confide in that you so clearly feel entitled to and LISTEN to women instead of slut-shaming them.



Nothing you have done, demonstrated, said, or intend to do even remotely qualifies as respect. Your entire post is about shaming women and how you feel entitled to us. Especially when you fully admit in your comment that you are "befriending" them based on one-sided sexual attraction.

If you aren't friends with people because you like them *as people* and fully admit it's because you find them attractive physically first, guess what! That's just treating them like an object and there's no room for respect in there at all.



And what about the men who walk around without tops, not just at Mardi Gras but anywhere? Why are you still going to Mardi Gras, noticing all these abominable, uncouth, exhibitionist bare breasts, giving your money to this economy, if you think you can do so much better? What makes you think that women *want* flowers and *your* undivided attention? What if some women just love flashing their tits and having fun without your approval or involvement?



If the only reason you want to "befriend" a woman is *because* she is fat... boy have I got news for you! That makes you Primo Skeevo.

Women are not china. We are not delicate. We are not objects. We. Are. Human. Beings. That do not owe you a goddamn thing, ever.

@Munchies:

*sips coffee - a superior beverage to tea in any known metric *


You have a valid point. I obviously misread some of the dynamic here and I may be on the wrong site for what I'm looking for. Do you have any suggestions for alternative social sites?


Everyone's self worth is tied up in their sexual expression. That's just human nature. But I acknowledge your point. I just expressed a possible scenario where some of the women here (men too, I assume, just to show my inclusive nature) feel pressured to post pics, and are scared to express their opinions on the subject. I think the reaction I got speaks to the accuracy of my supposition.


I do not hide my attraction to bigger women. Everyone who knows me at all well knows I like how bigger women look. I certainly do not consider it a "shameful secret", as many of the people here seem to assume.


Finally, I have ample opportunity IRL to vent my ire on skeevy people. It's actually in my job description. See below in my reply to Reflection of Perfection.

As an aside, I notice you have no profile pic or other pics. And yet the piranhas here aren't feeding on your grisly corpse. Huh.

@MVP76
Thank you for your reply. As I stated in my OP, I have no problem with people who enjoy that. If you like something, go for it, as long as it does no harm to anyone else.

@Reflection of Perfection
First: My job IRL is Red Team Cybersecurity, also known as Ethical Hacking. As such, I know how easy it is to use any info - including pics, personal details, etc. - on a public forum (known as OSINT , Open Source INTelligence) as a pivot point to identity theft, blackmail, stalking, human trafficking - you name it, I've been contracted at some point to put a stop to it. None of the factual personal info I put in any profile is guaranteed to be true, and probably isn't. You are welcome for this mini-course in cybersecurity. You will receive my bill shortly.

Second: Reread the OP. I was not shaking my fist at anyone. I was encouraging the women here who post pictures of themselves because they feel pressured to do so, to rethink their motives, because people like me don't require that to be interested in them. However, I may be wrong. It is possible that every single woman who has posted pictures of themselves on this forum did so because they enjoy doing it. In that case, carry on. As I said, I have no problem with that, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

@GoddessRandi and LoraDayton
Wow! You need to be careful with your Screed Meters. If you keep pegging them out like that, you're going to damage the needles.

You are exactly the kind of pressure to post pics and suppress opinion to which I was referring.

My point was that you treat women like objects, not actual people, and you need to put in to these communities what you want out of them. If you want to commune with people you have to contribute to it.

You are the one broadbrushing ones as a group that you don't like, that don't meet your standards and therefore deserve scorn and scolding. Like you fully came out of the gate with that, as your one and only contribution to this community, and you're surprised people are raking you over the coals for it? Gee, wonder why lol.

And no, not everyone wraps up their self-worth in their sexual expression. Especially wrapping up their self worth in *others'* sexual expression that you think is bad or less-than because it doesn't align with your desires or standard of approval. If you know so much about cybersecurity then certainly you understand that women and femme people in particular have an interest and standard in others willing to share and put forth basics of their own.

You are not a woman, are talking about how you highly disapprove of *certain* women that you don't even know, and when some of those women come forth and express themselves, you still insist you're right about something you cannot even experience.

My point remains that you have no interest in "friendship" at all because friends consider what the other person has to say and engages with good faith. Instead you are doubling down on your not-so-subtle incel dogwhistles. You aren't special, you have said nothing new or even remotely correct, we have heard this all a thousand times from every other grayface who is furious that women don't give them what they want.

Good god get a clue and several therapy appointments lol.

@Munchies:

*sips coffee - a superior beverage to tea in any known metric *


You have a valid point. I obviously misread some of the dynamic here and I may be on the wrong site for what I'm looking for. Do you have any suggestions for alternative social sites?


Everyone's self worth is tied up in their sexual expression. That's just human nature. But I acknowledge your point. I just expressed a possible scenario where some of the women here (men too, I assume, just to show my inclusive nature) feel pressured to post pics, and are scared to express their opinions on the subject. I think the reaction I got speaks to the accuracy of my supposition.


I do not hide my attraction to bigger women. Everyone who knows me at all well knows I like how bigger women look. I certainly do not consider it a "shameful secret", as many of the people here seem to assume.



If you want to make internet friends without the sexual nature, you can go to any social media platform and make friends based on your non-sexual interests. If you want to make friends based on your sexual interests, don't be shocked if you encounter people being sexual. That's just common sense.

For some people, their sexual expression is tied to their self-worth. However, this is not the case for everyone. I also find it curious that you take issue with the women expressing their sexual nature and not any other gender. Why is it wrong for women to embrace their sexual nature but not anyone else?

The reason everyone is piling on you is that you're slut-shaming.

As to you being open or not about liking bigger women, I was not talking about you specifically. If you re-read the section, I said that it was in response to another user saying that men who do not have a picture of themselves are often shamed by their sexual inclinations.

I was making a general statement about how I empathize with people who do not have a picture of themselves. I then made another general statement about how there are men out there who are ashamed of their sexual inclinations do exist. In other words, I was adding nuance to the topic. And I find it curious that you latched onto that topic the way you did. Either you lack reading comprehension or this *does* apply to you.

I also want to remind you that no one here knows you. We can only go by what you present to us - which isn't making you look good.

It's nice that you are showing skeevy men irl what's what. However, that doesn't do anyone a hill of beans if you are perpetuating a misogynistic mindset online. You came to a fetish website and told women to cover up. Do you realize how silly that sounds?

To answer your question about why people on here like me but do not like you, it has everything to do with our approach.

You slut-shame women and say "Leave those skeevy men alone. I'll treat you better." You're a Nice Guy. No one likes a Nice Guy.

Meanwhile, I'm not looking for anyone. I have a partner I talk about all the time, and he also has an account here. When I'm being horny, I'm talking about this fetish or my partner.

In addition, I'm pretty well-known and well-liked on this site. I mostly post advice, talk about my experiences, and offer general encouragement. The only time I say something that upsets people is when I am pushing back against things such as misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, racism, abusive behaviors, etc.

I have no idea where you acquired this opinion. Is this about my simile about fine china and paper plates? Allow me then to explain: Fine china represents something that is valuable and treated with care, making sure that your actions don't damage it because it is irreplaceable. Paper plates are something you use once and throw away, without the need or desire to care what that does to the plate. The meaning of the simile was the exact opposite of what you claim. It means that each woman is an irreplaceable individual that should be treated with care, not as an object to be disposed of whenever it is convenient.



Fair point, but if by "contribute" you mean placing my personal details and pictures on a public forum, then I disagree.



Hence my opinion that they should not be placing their pictures or information on a public website. And if they felt pressured into doing so, they should reconsider, as there are people like me out there that don't require that in order to consider them someone of worth.



Number one: You don't know if I am a woman or not, only what I claim to be in my profile.
Number two: That kind of tribalistic thinking is very divisive. Where does that end? "Your opinion is invalid because you are not my (gender, sexual preference, religion, skin color, nationality, whatever) and you cannot, therefore, possibly understand my situation." Ultimately, that means that you consider no one's contrasting opinion valid, because they are not you.
Number three: I emphatically do not "highly disapprove" of anyone doing anything they enjoy, as long as it does not harm others. I apologize if I didn't make that clear enough in the OP. I thought I had.

I did not intend to attack or judge anyone, and thought that I made that clear in the OP. Obviously not, so let me restate:
I have no problem with anyone posting pics of themselves if they enjoy that, and as long as it hurts no one else. IF you feel pressured to do so, please don't give into that. IF you would like to talk to someone who will value your interest, even if you don't post pics, please contact me.

Thank you Munchies for talking to me in a classy way. I know it was classy because you were sipping tea when you did it. And even though you probably don't drink coffee, I still found your opinions valid.

Thank you MVP76 for the same.