I like talking about relationships, so I'll share my experiences and thoughts.
I think each person's definition of love is precious to themselves and shouldn't be beholden to other people's criticism, especially if that definition doesn't violate another's freedoms. Independence, tempered by compassion for others, is important to me.
Indeed, you touch on something important in relationships as I've come to know them, which is that each person is ultimately responsible for their own happiness. People who are dependent on others for their happiness will feel their relationship is unstable and act in desperate and unhealthy ways to fix perceived faults.
It's when people are independently happy that they are able to have a stable relationship, because they aren't just deriving happiness from their partner; both partners are sharing in each other's happiness and experiences, and each comes away having grown as a person.
For me, love is about sharing. Sharing touch, sharing experiences, sharing minds, and, as a polyamorous person, sharing love. On the last point, there is a unique joy to knowing that my first partner sees me as their rock, a stable relationship they can return to when other relationships' triumphs and turmoils threaten to overwhelm.
Simultaneously, I feel security and gratitude when one partner is excited to know how happy the other partner makes me; it's delightful to feel love without insurmountable jealousies that arise from possessiveness.
Openness to a variety of relationships with a variety of people is a core of my philosophy of ENM, and in a way I think this is another side to "looking for noone." To me, seeking an "ideal" partner, to the exclusion of all "lesser" relationships, is fruitless and unhappy. That isn't to say I have no preferences or desires I still want fulfilled; but those are merely the introductory attractions to the full relationships I seek.
I think each person's definition of love is precious to themselves and shouldn't be beholden to other people's criticism, especially if that definition doesn't violate another's freedoms. Independence, tempered by compassion for others, is important to me.
Indeed, you touch on something important in relationships as I've come to know them, which is that each person is ultimately responsible for their own happiness. People who are dependent on others for their happiness will feel their relationship is unstable and act in desperate and unhealthy ways to fix perceived faults.
It's when people are independently happy that they are able to have a stable relationship, because they aren't just deriving happiness from their partner; both partners are sharing in each other's happiness and experiences, and each comes away having grown as a person.
For me, love is about sharing. Sharing touch, sharing experiences, sharing minds, and, as a polyamorous person, sharing love. On the last point, there is a unique joy to knowing that my first partner sees me as their rock, a stable relationship they can return to when other relationships' triumphs and turmoils threaten to overwhelm.
Simultaneously, I feel security and gratitude when one partner is excited to know how happy the other partner makes me; it's delightful to feel love without insurmountable jealousies that arise from possessiveness.
Openness to a variety of relationships with a variety of people is a core of my philosophy of ENM, and in a way I think this is another side to "looking for noone." To me, seeking an "ideal" partner, to the exclusion of all "lesser" relationships, is fruitless and unhappy. That isn't to say I have no preferences or desires I still want fulfilled; but those are merely the introductory attractions to the full relationships I seek.
1 year
And for me, love is not only between two individuals, altho what you feel there IS love! But love is also what pushes us to do good things and most importantly, take care of other people.