General

X_Larsson:
Kind of a serious question...
In my daily life, I see virtually ZERO women I am attracted to, and it is primarily their looks/size/body type I am not appreciating, but often also their personality, morale or view on life.

However, occasionally I meet a woman with whom I share at least some intellectual and psycological common ground, and where things are fun and drama free.

Soooo.... If the first option is to NOT date at all (as in never finding a feedee of suitable age and personality), is it better to set upp some semi-platonic date with an otherwise suitable woman, even if she is not fat, feedee, foodie, or gainer?

I am not talking about some sort of fake sexual relationship (yuk), but about enjoying the romantic side of things, but with no assumption it will lead to sex.

Yeah, that was the odd scenario... Are there aspects of mental health, self preservation and sanity that can be so vital that they outweigh (I had to write it) the consequences around not being sexually compatible? At least not when entering into the dating phase?
Or is it even worse to actively setup a relation that is a fast track to some sort of "friend zone".

Letters And Numbers:
Are you saying you can’t have a sexual relationship with a person you’re compatible with and are attracted to in many (of the most important) ways, like their personality and intellect? What if this woman wants a sexual relationship with you?

X_Larsson:
Not quite. I said that I am not attracted to, when initiating this.
For me, most "regular" women are as sexually neutral in my eyes, as men are. So, they do not even register as "person that could be sexually interesting". That includes movie stars, celebrities etc.

It is hard for me to speculate what her feelings would be, wrt physical attraction.

Chimneychonga:
Male attraction works a bit differently. Although I can appreciate someone with intellect and personality, sometimes that doesn't translate to the guy downstairs. Believe me, ED wouldn't be a problem if that's what all guys needed, much to women's chagrin.

Chimneychonga:
Male attraction works a bit differently. Although I can appreciate someone with intellect and personality, sometimes that doesn't translate to the guy downstairs. Believe me, ED wouldn't be a problem if that's what all guys needed, much to women's chagrin.

Letters And Numbers:
I guess my thought is, if a fetish is interfering with your life to the point where you can’t have a normal relationship with a partner, and if that’s a problem (it might not be), sex therapy might be a solution. Maybe I’m wrong, but finding a partner who checks all the boxes (except physical looks) and who ALSO doesn’t want a sexual relationship might be a tall order. I mean, if someone told me they loved me and wanted an intimate relationship but they were unable to have sex with me because of how I look … idk. Not saying they don’t exist, but it’s an extra hurdle.

X_Larsson:
Yup! Thanks! But I have a couple of comments.
First. Feedism is not a fetish (which is more an object related deviation). I have read basically everything I have seen online (and in print) about the feedism thing, and it seems the authorities struggle to fit it into either the BDSM box (a big, fat no), or into more body transformation or parafilia related deviations (also a no go).
Feedism refuses to be put together with other deviations, is my view on this, just like homosexuality etc.
And feedism is not a "size" distinction. It is about the whole relation to appetite, food, consumption, gaining, AND size (and more?).

Secondly. (And I will be a bit tough here.)
What kind of attitude is it to say, that I cannot "have a normal relationship with a partner"?
Do you also tell straight people to enter relationships with homosexuals? Or tell 18 year old boys to marry 80 year old women?
If they objected, would you then send them to sex therapy?
Ok, on a lighter side. I have thought long and hard about sex therapy. It seems that the therapists generally want the client to explore and embrace their "natural" sexual preferences, unless they are illegal or revolting, like necrophilia or koprophilia.

That said, I also think it is a big spiritual defeat to resign any sexual aspirations in order to have at least a partial relation. Hmmm...

Chimneychonga:
Male attraction works a bit differently. Although I can appreciate someone with intellect and personality, sometimes that doesn't translate to the guy downstairs. Believe me, ED wouldn't be a problem if that's what all guys needed, much to women's chagrin.

Letters And Numbers:
I guess my thought is, if a fetish is interfering with your life to the point where you can’t have a normal relationship with a partner, and if that’s a problem (it might not be), sex therapy might be a solution. Maybe I’m wrong, but finding a partner who checks all the boxes (except physical looks) and who ALSO doesn’t want a sexual relationship might be a tall order. I mean, if someone told me they loved me and wanted an intimate relationship but they were unable to have sex with me because of how I look … idk. Not saying they don’t exist, but it’s an extra hurdle.

X_Larsson:
Yup! Thanks! But I have a couple of comments.
First. Feedism is not a fetish (which is more an object related deviation). I have read basically everything I have seen online (and in print) about the feedism thing, and it seems the authorities struggle to fit it into either the BDSM box (a big, fat no), or into more body transformation or parafilia related deviations (also a no go).
Feedism refuses to be put together with other deviations, is my view on this, just like homosexuality etc.
And feedism is not a "size" distinction. It is about the whole relation to appetite, food, consumption, gaining, AND size (and more?).

Secondly. (And I will be a bit tough here.)
What kind of attitude is it to say, that I cannot "have a normal relationship with a partner"?
Do you also tell straight people to enter relationships with homosexuals? Or tell 18 year old boys to marry 80 year old women?
If they objected, would you then send them to sex therapy?
Ok, on a lighter side. I have thought long and hard about sex therapy. It seems that the therapists generally want the client to explore and embrace their "natural" sexual preferences, unless they are illegal or revolting, like necrophilia or koprophilia.

That said, I also think it is a big spiritual defeat to resign any sexual aspirations in order to have at least a partial relation. Hmmm...

Letters And Numbers:
You can define it however you’d like, that’s not a problem, but if there is something standing in the way of your happiness, talking to someone might be helpful. Or maybe not. I wouldn’t paint all therapists with the same brush.

X_Larsson:
Well, I have talked to professional therapists, and also got the same general "embrace and explore" thing. My impression is that modern therapists / psychiatrists, never lead the client anywhere. The client has the answers inside, and by talking to the professional, the client will discover his/her best solution.

Good, but in this case not helpful for me.
(More self knowledge will not produce/introduce new feedees in my life, so to say.)

Letters And Numbers:
Are you saying you can’t have a sexual relationship with a person you’re compatible with and are attracted to in many (of the most important) ways, like their personality and intellect? What if this woman wants a sexual relationship with you?

X_Larsson:
Not quite. I said that I am not attracted to, when initiating this.
For me, most "regular" women are as sexually neutral in my eyes, as men are. So, they do not even register as "person that could be sexually interesting". That includes movie stars, celebrities etc.

It is hard for me to speculate what her feelings would be, wrt physical attraction.

Chimneychonga:
Male attraction works a bit differently. Although I can appreciate someone with intellect and personality, sometimes that doesn't translate to the guy downstairs. Believe me, ED wouldn't be a problem if that's what all guys needed, much to women's chagrin.

As for OP, I think it's healthy to try out an asexual relationship if you're upfront with it ("I had a bad relationship earlier, so I'd rather take things slow until we get to know each other" ) . As long as she/they isn't in a rush, I think you both can enjoy the romance part and enjoying dates, learning new hobbies, and even if the relationship doesn't work out on friendly terms, both practice their skills on how to communicate and how to be open with feelings. The only downside is an explosive end to the relationship, but with low stakes, I really doubt that would happen. If you find someone open to the idea, enjoy the ride, smell the roses.

X_Larsson:
Thank you for the interesting reply. Yup, I think you (coincidentally) put your finger on one sensitive thing when you mentioned ED...
Women are more vain about their physical attraction and appearance than men are. I think most women (sadly) would have a major problem dating someone who does has no urge or feel no physical attraction to their bodies. And especially if they are somewhat "normally" atrractive, as in slender/medium weight etc. In a way, that would make them feel less coveted and less young/fertile, as a more cerebral/romantic/platonic relation would put her in some sort of "post sex", grandmother roll.

I will really think about this. I have made mistakes in form of selecting away from women due to lack of sexual compatibility. It HAS felt like the right thing to do, but it is a lonely path to be on.

ForeverFFA:
There's nothing wrong with wanting an asexual/platonic relationship for the reasons you described, but I think some of your attitudes towards women in general might need unpacking. Each woman has their own personality and relationship needs/expectations, just like with men and anyone else. It's not about vanity.

ForeverFFA:
Not to get off topic, but the distinction I've often heard is that all fetishes are kinks (along the lines of Munchies' definition), but fetishes feel more obligatory to the person who has them.

BustingButtons:
Honestly how would you like to hear they like your but they're not physically attracted to you.

Don't deny someone true happiness, let them date someone that appreciates every inch of them.

Also use porn less if you feel you're struggling to feel attraction.

ForeverFFA:
Not to get off topic, but the distinction I've often heard is that all fetishes are kinks (along the lines of Munchies' definition), but fetishes feel more obligatory to the person who has them.