I had an odd experience today. I really haven't gotten out much these last few months, except to a couple of places where I hang out with the same people on a regular basis (Playing MTG at the local game shop)
But, today I went to a large outdoor mall (to play MTG, yes I'm a dork I know) and the game shop and where I wanted to get food were on opposite sides of the mall. I used to walk in circles around this place, maybe a year ago. But I've honestly gotten a lot more sedentary, so I've lost a lot of strength and endurance and I've gained about thirty pounds over the last year which just doesn't seem like that much but then again, I used to be a lot stronger, so I've probably lost considerable muscle mass too. Even though it was nice and cool out, I was surprised how hot and sweaty I was getting at my normal pace, so I had to make a conscious decision to walk a little more slowly which felt strange. It was sort of like walking in the rain versus running. Studies have shown that you get just as wet going from point A to B no matter if you walk or run. So when I slowed down a bit and it still felt exhausting I decided to speed back up again so that at least I'd get there faster.
I was pretty self-aware that it was now hard for me to do something that used to be relatively effortless, and which I could do nearly endlessly without getting tired.
It's nice to walk around and look at all the people as they look back to acknowledge you. But, somehow it felt different this time. People seemed to look at me with a degree of concern. Maybe because I was wearing shorts and a tee shirt on an unusually cold day for the area. Because, hey I've always run hot, and I get overheated even more easily now. Or maybe they seemed to regard me differently because of my size, but I thought to myself, how odd I'm not really all that fat.
Then as I walked by one of the shops, one of the employees was standing just outside the open doors of a business, I would assume it was to help promote it and to direct more foot traffic through the store. We made eye contact, and looked away. Then he said "hey, big boy" and not in a way that was at all endearing. So, I thought to myself hmmm. That's odd, I'm not that big. I only weigh about 270, not even 300. My 3xl top fits me nicely now and no longer looks oversized and sloppy like it used to, the same with my size 42 inch shorts. My clothes aren't that big, well sure I had to special order them online because even a big store like Target doesn't stock sizes this big, but still 3xl is just one up from 2xl which isn't that big, right? So what's up with that, weird.
I got to a place called 85 degrees. You're lucky too if you have one near you. So, I figured I'd buy enough baked goods for a snack and dinner, and maybe breakfast, and oh look! My favorite cookies! I think I'll get a dozen, and a large iced hazelnut late. I usually ask for it half sweet but today I somehow really wanted something a little sweet. Shame the large is so small, I could go for three or four of those. So, I got rung up and was a little disappointed to see that my affordable dinner/snack/breakfast was thirty five bucks. Bummer, but eight baked items, a dozen large cookies and a large iced hazelnut late seems reasonable. Odd, this bag feels sort of heavy. Oh well, back to the game shop.
I step outside and I can't help hearing "big boy" in my head and so I think to myself, well I remember when I was fifty pounds lighter and people would sometimes call me "big guy" in sort of a friendly way, even if I always found it pretty tacky. But, I'm fifty pounds heavier than when I was two-twenty, so I must be a bit bigger than I used to be, I suppose. So, as I reflect on this fact it occurs to me that the average person around me probably weighs in at one sixty, tops with the odd person here and there up to one eighty, which I guess a lot of people would consider significantly overweight. Odd, so I'm roughy a hundred pounds heavier than the average person around here. Nahhh, that can't be right? So I started to look around me and recognize this fact. I've gotten so used to my size and it doesn't concern me. I like the way I feel and look. I've honestly never felt better in my own body, even if I tire easily and have to walk half the speed I used to to avoid getting seriously overheated.
Did everyone shrink or something? They all somehow just look so small and skinny. I wondered If I would see anyone my size, and it dawned on me that I was the fattest person among all the people I had seen that day. That's new.
So, in closing I was the fattest person at the mall today. I suppose for so many people, this would be the stuff of nightmares, but to my surprise I feel special, and I love it. Now, if I could only find that special someone who would enjoy doing some of this walking for me, ohh I'd be the happiest and most grateful person ever. They might even lovingly get food for me, I'd eat it all. Let 'em stare.
But, today I went to a large outdoor mall (to play MTG, yes I'm a dork I know) and the game shop and where I wanted to get food were on opposite sides of the mall. I used to walk in circles around this place, maybe a year ago. But I've honestly gotten a lot more sedentary, so I've lost a lot of strength and endurance and I've gained about thirty pounds over the last year which just doesn't seem like that much but then again, I used to be a lot stronger, so I've probably lost considerable muscle mass too. Even though it was nice and cool out, I was surprised how hot and sweaty I was getting at my normal pace, so I had to make a conscious decision to walk a little more slowly which felt strange. It was sort of like walking in the rain versus running. Studies have shown that you get just as wet going from point A to B no matter if you walk or run. So when I slowed down a bit and it still felt exhausting I decided to speed back up again so that at least I'd get there faster.
I was pretty self-aware that it was now hard for me to do something that used to be relatively effortless, and which I could do nearly endlessly without getting tired.
It's nice to walk around and look at all the people as they look back to acknowledge you. But, somehow it felt different this time. People seemed to look at me with a degree of concern. Maybe because I was wearing shorts and a tee shirt on an unusually cold day for the area. Because, hey I've always run hot, and I get overheated even more easily now. Or maybe they seemed to regard me differently because of my size, but I thought to myself, how odd I'm not really all that fat.
Then as I walked by one of the shops, one of the employees was standing just outside the open doors of a business, I would assume it was to help promote it and to direct more foot traffic through the store. We made eye contact, and looked away. Then he said "hey, big boy" and not in a way that was at all endearing. So, I thought to myself hmmm. That's odd, I'm not that big. I only weigh about 270, not even 300. My 3xl top fits me nicely now and no longer looks oversized and sloppy like it used to, the same with my size 42 inch shorts. My clothes aren't that big, well sure I had to special order them online because even a big store like Target doesn't stock sizes this big, but still 3xl is just one up from 2xl which isn't that big, right? So what's up with that, weird.
I got to a place called 85 degrees. You're lucky too if you have one near you. So, I figured I'd buy enough baked goods for a snack and dinner, and maybe breakfast, and oh look! My favorite cookies! I think I'll get a dozen, and a large iced hazelnut late. I usually ask for it half sweet but today I somehow really wanted something a little sweet. Shame the large is so small, I could go for three or four of those. So, I got rung up and was a little disappointed to see that my affordable dinner/snack/breakfast was thirty five bucks. Bummer, but eight baked items, a dozen large cookies and a large iced hazelnut late seems reasonable. Odd, this bag feels sort of heavy. Oh well, back to the game shop.
I step outside and I can't help hearing "big boy" in my head and so I think to myself, well I remember when I was fifty pounds lighter and people would sometimes call me "big guy" in sort of a friendly way, even if I always found it pretty tacky. But, I'm fifty pounds heavier than when I was two-twenty, so I must be a bit bigger than I used to be, I suppose. So, as I reflect on this fact it occurs to me that the average person around me probably weighs in at one sixty, tops with the odd person here and there up to one eighty, which I guess a lot of people would consider significantly overweight. Odd, so I'm roughy a hundred pounds heavier than the average person around here. Nahhh, that can't be right? So I started to look around me and recognize this fact. I've gotten so used to my size and it doesn't concern me. I like the way I feel and look. I've honestly never felt better in my own body, even if I tire easily and have to walk half the speed I used to to avoid getting seriously overheated.
Did everyone shrink or something? They all somehow just look so small and skinny. I wondered If I would see anyone my size, and it dawned on me that I was the fattest person among all the people I had seen that day. That's new.
So, in closing I was the fattest person at the mall today. I suppose for so many people, this would be the stuff of nightmares, but to my surprise I feel special, and I love it. Now, if I could only find that special someone who would enjoy doing some of this walking for me, ohh I'd be the happiest and most grateful person ever. They might even lovingly get food for me, I'd eat it all. Let 'em stare.
10 months
