General

So, it's not really the gain that's a problem, but the company?

Grommr is an ...interesting place. A lot of hit or miss, and some who are outright disrespectful. Is this something you can just do for yourself? Or wait until you feel more comfortable with the company you find?

I'm with Mick on this one here. It sounds like you don't have issues gaining, but you want to gain with someone to enjoy it with.

Perfectly understandable. I think most feedees want this.

The think you gotta keep in mind is that Grommer is owned by the same people who own Feabie. So it's no wonder you're having the issues you're having.

I've never been on there (for obvious reasons) but from what I've heard from those on it, Grommer is something of a hell site. Have you looked into other sites like Fetlife? I've heard decent things.

I imagine your experiences as a gay feedee with gay feeders to be comprable to any woman with straight feeders. You have my condolances.

They're not all garbo, but it's hard to find those that aren't.

If you wanna stop gaining because of all this, then more power to you. I just think it's a shame because getting fat is something you love.

Yeah I hear ya, I’ve had weirdos like that want to do the same to my big pregnant belly as well

this is probably a dumb question but have you tried non-fetish focused dating environments?

Well, I’ve been off the market for a long time, so maybe my advice is crap, but it seems to me that dating apps can be extremely hit or miss, or that it’s just a very small percentage of the population who they work well for. I only know a few people in my circle of friends who met their partner online, for the rest it was meeting socially or being introduced through mutual friends, etc. Basically, the old fashioned way. Maybe a break from all the apps, especially the more toxic ones, might help things come into focus. Join some clubs! Make a push to get out more. Try it for a few months and at the very least you might have fun.

I’m not your shrink, but #1 and #3 sound like you want your personal happiness and feeling of self worth to come from your partner. Maybe you just misspoke, but I think a lot of folks would tell you that you’ve got it backwards. Maybe you need to work on yourself first and find that sense of self worth, then look for a partner that can reflect that, not create it. Apologies if I mis read you.

Do whatever makes you happiest. If you have a hard limit, then a feeder worth their salt would respect that.

It seems you haven't met a feeder worth their salt yet. I'm sorry that this has been your experience.

Either way, I wish you the best of success in all of your endeavors.

It seems like everyone gets to goals and they just seem to blow past em like I get it be careful don’t go to crazy… I just don’t understand from my perspective at least I will be fat and always will be fat now I don’t know how you can come to regret gaining weight did you regret eating all the food that got you to this weight?

I have no experience with gay feeders at all let alone straight female ones but to me it’s like what came first chicken or the egg situations if this post didn’t make sense sorry

Eh. That's not quite true about the limits. Don't get me wrong; it's not unusual to adjust your goals. However, many people have hard limits. Often, these hard limits are due to health, comfort, or aesthetics.

I'm an ex-gainer. I started out at 115 lbs with a goal weight of 140 lbs. Once I got there, I bumped it up to 150, then 160, and finally 200 lbs as my hard limit. But along the way I realized I liked being muscular more than fat and completely lost interest in gaining.

A good chunk of gainers and feedees don't want to be 300, 400+. A lot of them want to be chubby or "small fat". They have a hard limit and stick to it.

It's also not unheard of to regret your gains. If you talk to enough feedists on here, you'll understand why. Common scenarios I've seen include:

Not doing the work to undo your internalized fatphobia (common with the fit-to-fat or thin-to fat crowd)

Realizing you prefer fantasy to reality

Gaining recklessly (common with those that develop health issues or have no lives outside of feedism)

Gaining to please a partner without being into the fetish yourself

Mind you that this isn't a comprehensive list. There are a thousand and one different reasons why someone might regret getting fat. Honestly, the main reason why I'm so active in the forums is to help minimize that regret for others.