General

Not really. I'm a woman doing gender neutral things. Some people attach masculine gender roles onto being a feeder or an FA. These people are wrong.

Being an FA or a feeder might let you tap into a masculine headspace, but it isn't in and of itself gendered. The reason is that both are associated with power and authority.

Mind you that submissive feeders and FAs exist, but people keep forgetting about this.

Speaking as a sadistic domme feeder and FA, these things make me feel incredibly feminine. My feedee worships me as his queen. It's a power thrill knowing his pleasure and pain are at my whim.

Some people might say that sounds masculine. And to that, I challenge you to reexamine the traits you assign to masculinity and femininity.

Power play is an aspect of it, yes. However, in the broader scope of things, traditional gender roles come with implied power dynamics. You can see it even in vanilla fat kink. So, for a woman to step into the so-called "masculine" role might explain why being a feeder and an FA makes you feel masculine.

I mean, when you say "FA" a lot of people assume you are talking about a man. This is why the term "FFA" exists. Personally I hate it. Loving fat isn't a gendered thing. Unless you wanna make MFA for "male fat admirer" a thing, I think the term FFA belongs in the wood chipper.

It comes from the idea that men are feeders and women are feedees. Of course, this is not true, but it's a prevalent thought nonetheless.

I can't tell you how many times people assumed I'm a man or a lesbian because I'm a feeder. It's annoying.

Yes I relate strongly, I've been trying to put it into words. People sometimes say they get a lesbian vibe from me and I've always throught it was to do with my fat fetish.

But what it really is is that I'm a top. I'm a cis het woman but I'm a top. My fantasies are all centered around degrading men and making them as helpless as possible.

It's a certain kind of madness that lots of men have, that thirst for another person's humiliation and gradual destruction. Iykyk

I've noticed some of the more common fantasies around here involve putting women in their place. I get it to some degree. I'm a sadistic domme. Where they lose me is how they view this as women in our natural state.

Of course, only maladjusted men think like this. Unfortunately, online spaces like FF are teeming with maladjusted men. So when they come across real women who do not conform to their narrow idea of what women are like, they are quick to label them as masculine.

And it's not just the men either. I've witnessed several maladjusted women doing this, too. They have the same rigid gender roles as their male counterparts. So when you tell them you're an FA or a feeder, they cannot process this. Often, they'll write you off as gay rather than reassess their worldview.

Opinions are like armpits. Everyone has them, and some are unwashed.

I can understand the feedism thing because ... well ... gestures to website. But BDSM?

Thats plain gender *passive* ideology! People put people into these boxes. They dont know that theyre doing it, but theyre doing it!

The last paragraph is something ive been thinking about a lot! As a feedee im into death feederism. My concious (=/= horny?) self has come to really hate it, because its so impractical, and to have that fetish means that either satisfying it will not end well, or it will remain unsatisfied. Its nontheless a big turn on for me but i cannot tell you how much i hate it!

Also i once talked with FFH (feemalefeederheaven) about gender roles and feedism roles (basically the same discussion, more or less, that we have here) and the conclusion we both arrived to is that traditional gender roles play, possibly, the biggest role in the (usually unconcious) decision to be a feeder or a feedee. That is an explenation to why such a large portion of women enter this fetish as feedees (rather than some more random / equal distribution). About Men, i think that it is a little more complicated. At least in my experience, the number of male feeders does not appear to be significantly larger (double or tripple) the number of male feedees. Also i see in a lot of cases (such as mine! ^_^) that men that have been feeders end up as feedees! That does not appear, to me, to be common in women. Instead i see that the oposite happens! Feedee women often turn into feeders!

I think the above is largely because of the gender stereotypes being unconciously broken / liquidated by the fetish! If thats true, then its an extremely interesting thing!

What do you all think?

Female feeders are not rare. It's just that most are offline due to the hostility many face for being female feeders. I've discussed this matter at length many times before, so I won't rehash it.

Gender roles do play a part in things, but not in the way you're thinking. It's more complex. Kink spaces both affirm and reject traditional gender roles. Mind you, this is separate from gender presentation and sexuality.

Kink is all about the unusual and taboo. So, there are a lot of people who delve into non-traditional gender roles. However, many people (sometimes the same people) feel guilty for embracing the unusual and taboo. As such, they cope by leaning into traditionalism or as close as they can get within kink space.

This is why there's a hierarchy of acceptable feedist combinations in feedist spaces. These are the ways the community as a whole accepts certain intersections of gender and kink. From most accepted to least, it's male feeders, male encouragers, male FAs, male mutual gainers, male gainers, male feedees, female feedees, female gainers, female mutual gainers, female FAs, female encouragers, and female feeders.

Please note that I am strictly speaking from a vanilla heteronormative point of view. Things get more complex when you include LGBTQIA+ dynamics and power dynamics.

You'll notice that there's a bit of a gradient. The more masculine and active a person is perceived to be, the more the community welcomes them. Passive male roles are not as embraced but are more accepted than passive female roles. Meanwhile, the more active the female role becomes, the less accepted it is.

What do I mean by this? The closer you are to being a male "provider," the more the community accepts you. You are still welcome if you don't fit that role but won't be as pursued. As for women, the more open you are to changing your body for another's pleasure, the more accepted you'll be. Of course, people will bash you anyway, but you'll be more accepted than your other counterparts. In fact, the community will spend considerable time pushing non-feedee women into being feedees. This usually ends with women leaving the online community forever.