General

Sorry, I need to blow off some steam here:

Absolutely every guy I show interest in tells me he wants to lose weight. Because you gotta lose weight if a pretty girl shows interest in you, otherwise you'll lose her, right? Some say it immediately, some mention it after a few dates.
For some reason 30kg seems to be the magic number here. It's the amount every guy wants to lose. Though, sometimes it's 50kg too.

If I know the guy a little better I will tell him that I find him attractive the way he is and that he doesn't have to lose weight for me, but it doesn't do anything. Once I even told a guy straight out on the first date that I'm not attracted to skinny people, but it didn't change much.

Maybe the guys really are doing it for themselves and that would be absolutely fine (although sad for me, haha), but to me it seems like they are doing it out of insecurity.
At this point with some guys any activities that involve food like eating out or cooking together stop being fun because they keep complaining about how fat they are and how much they are eating. Often without changing anything. Or they start eating very little and count calories. Other guys might avoid activities that include food as much as possible.

This makes me feel bad like myself. I am very happy with my body and eating habits right now, but I struggled with an eating disorder almost 10 years ago and I feel like this kind of behavior triggers me. It makes me wonder if I am also too fat and should diet too. It's such an awful feeling.

I don't want to be with someone who is so negative. I want to be with someone who enjoys life and likes to indulge in its pleasures.
But I can't seem to find someone like that. Am I just attracting dreadful people? Or are 99% of fat men just incredibly insecure?? I just want to be with someone who is self-confident and has a positive outlook on life.

And it's not like I'm against a guy staying fit. I obviously want them to be as healthy as possible.
I like being active myself. I love to dance and go for long walks or hikes. And of course I would like to do these activities with my partner. But I would like them to stay chubby while being active. I sometimes wish it was different, but skinny or muscular is just not my type. I wanna be with a guy who is like a sumo wrestler. Someone who is fat but still strong and fit.

I get the frustration, It's difficult for some guys to strike that balance, most of the time guys just want to lose the weight and get skinny, or just completely dive into the lifestyle and just balloon. There's definitely a healthy midway like you've said and it's definitely goal worthy

It sounds like you’ve just got unlucky so far, hopefully you’ll find someone that aligns with what you’re looking for and is confident in their body soon

Thanks, I hope so too!

We don't talk about it as much since women have it worse, but men also deal with body insecurity, internalized fatphobia and societal pressure to look a certain way. Patriachy is a bitch.

A lot of men have been taught that no woman will want them if they can't "correctly" perform. As for fat men, many of them have either experienced or know someone who did them dirty just because they are fat. I have fat male friends who have told me horror stories about their romantic interests treating them like a fixer upper - even after reassuring them their size isn't an issue. It's sad since there are plenty of women who prefer, like, or don't mind bigger guys. But trauma makes you irrational and paranoid.

I remenber this one guy I liked. He was sweet, soft spoken, nerdy, and very fat. I was 100% into that and pursued him. He started losing weight as soon as I started flirting. Don't get me wrong, he was still hot to me. Yet I was disappointed when his belly was no longer straining at the buttons.

This is why I started going after guys into extreme weight gain. They don't lose weight when you show interest in them and love it when you make them fatter.

Thanks for providing some insight on the topic. That definitely helps me feel a bit better.



But where do I find those guys? There are some Austrian feedees at the forum here, but after chatting for a bit most turned out to be weird or creepy, so I never met a feedee in the country I live in.

Thanks for providing some insight on the topic. That definitely helps me feel a bit better.



Feel that. I've met one Austrian feedee that was pretty cool, but he has a girl friend and is no longer on the site.

You may want to expand your search to nearby countries. Alternatively, you can go after guys that really love to eat. Maybe bond over it too.

I don’t try to lose weight I just tend to drop a few lbs in the summer, but tend to gain it back once it cools down. It’s just hard trying to keep up an appetite when you work in the scorching sun all day.

I can’t speak for them but it’s probably them thinking you like them despite the weight even after you stated as a matter of fact you like them bigger, they probably think in their heads “oh she likes me but I’m fat if I lost weight she’d like me more, she says she likes me fat to make me feel better” or it’s they don’t feel comfortable fat

Commenting this as a skinny male feeder: Personally, I would want to maintain my own body shape for my own personal desire. However, I'm sure there are lots of men who don't care about their weight or even want to get bigger. Perhaps you're a bit unfortunate at the moment. Give it some time and you'll find the perfect one for you.

One part of this might have to do with the covid. A lot of people might have gained unwanted weight with the lockdown and many might have not been bothered with loosing it right away.

(Also, i do am myself into extreme weight gain!)