General

My girlfriend and I live together and have been dating for about a year. There are no issues with our relationship and its honestly been smooth sailing throughout other than the fact that she isn't a feedee and I am a feeder. She is on the plus size of life but not by much. although she is accepting of my kink and is willing to roleplay with me, she does not want to gain any weight due to her career choice. I respect that decision and have never pushed her to gain but she will will bring up the act of gaining during intimate times because she know i like to hear it. The sad truth is, her feederism roleplaying feels empty. I know she doesnt actually care for it her words just cant trick my brain into satisfying this kink. I really dont want to throw away this relationship because of a kink because i know there are more important things in a relationship but ive always been into feederism for nearly my entire life and its always what i had imagined in a relationship. ive been trying to distance myself from the kink but it has only been a short month to see if maybe it can stop holding such a strong grip on my love life and help me learn to love whats infront of me, a girlfriend that cares about me and who is trying to make things work, but sadly, i feel as though my sexual frustration has been at an all time high. I haven't talk about my frustration with the situation with her much... i know. im bad with conflict. ultimately, what im trying to know if anyone has dealt with this situation and has it worked out for you? how did you revive your sex life and how should i talk with my girlfriend about it? i could tell her to try to do this and try to do that but i dont think that's what will strengthen my attraction to her. Is this kind of love an empty pit?

Life is sadly no fantasy.

There are therapists who specialize in helping people with fetishes in these sorts of situations - that would be your best bet.
Also, something to think about - there are many threads here about people going from feeder to feedee. Maybe that's not for you, but it's common enough that I'd consider if being the feedee yourself would scratch that itch instead. Your girlfriend might be open to that too

You shouldn’t have gotten in a relationship with someone who isn’t into this kink if you couldn’t be with them without it. If you can’t get over not being with her if you don’t get to make her your feedee then you need to take a good hard look at yourself. I personally don’t plan on dating outside of this community simply because I’ve done that and wasn’t happy. You either can be happy without this or not. If it’s not then you need to find someone else to be with. If you don’t wanna lose her because you love her then you either choose to be accepted and indulged with role play, which is very amazing on her part, but not have the full feeder/feedee dynamic. Or you can’t possibly build a happy life with someone if you will feel cheated out of something or have an empty part in the relationship.

I will tell you what you definitely don’t do is you DO NOT try and manipulate or force her into being a feedee. This means don’t do it secretly, don’t beg her or push it more onto her, and definitely don’t give her an ultimatum of be into this or you’ll leave. If you do decide you can’t live with out it definitely don’t tell her it’s because she wouldn’t be your feedee. That’s not her fault and you will definitely give her a complex with that shit.

She doesn't want to gain. You either need to accept this, or break up.

I would never force her or go behind her back to make her gain weight. I’d also never want to leave her feeling like it’s because of this kink but the issue is that our relationship is struggling because of this kink. I want to be able to work with what I have. I have a great girlfriend that is willing to roleplay feederism with me. It’s also not necessarily the weight gain that’s even the issue. I like her body the way it is but it’s the fact that she doesn’t see this kink in the same way I do. I just want to be able to have the fun of feeding her and enjoying it without her gaining weight. Maybe it’s because we haven’t practiced it enough but it just feels full because it’s not her fantasy as well. I’m really looking for ways to strengthen the sexual bond with my vanilla partner because I like to believe there is hope instead of giving up for a kink. And yes therapy is on the way but I’m looking for people that may have experienced similar things

You mention all these sacrifices she is making for you. What are you doing for her?

Munchies:
You mention all these sacrifices she is making for you. What are you doing for her?[/quote]

I know I’m not the perfect boyfriend, so I don’t expect her to be my perfect girlfriend. I understand you have to compromise in relationships but sexual pleasure is very important to me in a relationship and that’s why I’m trying to find ways to strengthen my relationship with the cards I have at hand rather than try to burry a part of me that is deeply ingrained into who I am. that will only make things worse for the both of. I know I may have seemed pessimistic in my original post. This is whole struggle has just been an emotional roller coaster

If she isn't into it, there isn't something you can do that would magically change that. Relationships aren't supposed to be based around sex, think about everything else that makes it a working relationship. Therapy is probably your best option, because making her go through the motions with RP isn't going to help anything either.

Munchies:
You mention all these sacrifices she is making for you. What are you doing for her?

Dazedandveryconfused:
I know I’m not the perfect boyfriend, so I don’t expect her to be my perfect girlfriend. I understand you have to compromise in relationships but sexual pleasure is very important to me in a relationship and that’s why I’m trying to find ways to strengthen my relationship with the cards I have at hand rather than try to burry a part of me that is deeply ingrained into who I am. that will only make things worse for the both of. I know I may have seemed pessimistic in my original post. This is whole struggle has just been an emotional roller coaster[/quote]

So ... you aren't doing anything for her? She's doing all the sacrifice with nothing in return?

Munchies:
So ... you aren't doing anything for her? She's doing all the sacrifice with nothing in return?[/quote]

Thats what I seem to take away from this whole thing too. "Man shocked gf isn't into same kinks and insists there is a way to change that somehow while not changing anything about himself in the process."