Recently been reading about the journey of gaining. I was diagnosed as autistic adhd about a few weeks ago. Only since then have in been listening to myself and not trying to suppress my urges anymore. As of lately it’s starting to feel very spiritual. I have dealt with trauma I was sexually assaulted by my uncle at a very young age but through that I was not able to seek comfort in trauma therapy alone a. It’s only after this diagnosis that my true self seems to come through. And ever since I can remember being a little kid and being so sexually invigorated after watching the sumo episode of cat dog and seeing weight gain in media and movies. It made me feel validated! I have had a fat obsesssion ever since I can remember. Along with an obsession with weight gain and fat women. I really just love fat. Growing up in a Jewish thin judgmental family this was definitely hard to reconcile with and deal with . I still feel like my parents don’t understand me. I have never desired to be thin and every time I lose weight I end up regaining it all because it feels like I should be fat.
In some ways it feels like when I silence the noise of this world, I can tune into my true self more. In some ways it’s been very encouraging to realize I’m not crazy but just simply different from others here. It feels almost kind of like a spiritual awakening. I would love it anyone else could share that they feel similar, or maybe I’m just crazy! lol either way. Eating so much food is the most pleasurable experience ever and gaining weight and growing feels like it’s part of my divine purpose. Anyone relate?
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