General

Thank you, CuppaJoe.

The subject of alienation and suicide prevention are close enough that the following seems on-topic.

In the mists of last millennium in pre-Internet times (at least for the general public), i had need to call suicide prevention. It was a full 7-digit number, as i recall. Called the number, and they answered appropriately.

They did not take me seriously. They thought i was kidding, and tried to get me off the line.

Yes, it was actual suicide prevention, not a pretender/wrong number. I guess it worked, because the whole experience was so ridiculous and wrong, it stunned me out of my then-crisis.

Since that experience, i do not deal with suicide prevention services.

I’ve gone deep researching minimally painful/maximally successful suicide methods twice: 1991, paper books, public library; and i think it was 2021 springtime, on the WWW. Totally blew me away that i found a site with credible (per my prior research and collected information over the years) information, some new and useful to me. Then again, i was not using Google, but Duck Duck Go.

Here’s the important part: I lack the means to undertake any form of viable self-deliverance. Can’t do it, no matter how much i may want to (and the pain is pretty extreme tonight). Trying and failing is most often far worse in terms of pain and suffering than not trying at all. I know one person in that latter category who’s still alive and has significant permanent harm from the attempt (but i understand why they made the attempt). Decades ago i only somewhat knew someone else—impressive person—who failed on one attempt (and somehow didn’t harm themselves too much), and succeeded on a later attempt. They, and several others who succeeded with one-and-dones, are in a way heroes to me. Their pain was too much, no one could or would help them, so they empowered themselves and made the pain stop.

If i could become a fat femme with sensual subcutaneous fat and/or find sensual/sexual pleasure rather than intermittent pain and illness when i have a too-infrequent orgasm, it would not solve everything but would sure make living far more appealing. It’s very rough being in this community unable to fatten as any gender and barely able to eat anything/sustain basic nutrition and read report after report of the sexual/sensual joys of fatness i’ll never know.

But truly, the fatosphere is all i’ve lived for since around 2010. That’s why it’s an honor to be here amongst you, whether here on FF or elsewhere in the community, and why i’m grateful to be able to make a small contribution doing admin work here.

Best Wishes to us all, to remain amongst the living and find more pleasure than pain in a difficult world and human existence.