Extreme obesity

This is a great conversation to have one that I have pondered on since I joined the feedersim community. Gaining and fat admiration for that matter no matter how we care to justify or frame it is a kink that has real health consequences.

Recently with this trend of weight loss surgery alot of former partners have had the surgery. While I will miss them having larger bodies I can`t discourage them because in my opinion it would be immoral. Even with the all that can go wrong with weight loss surgery and the side effects and the decreased life expectency the quality of life is better than that of an extremely obese person.

Overall if its between to consenting adults I have nothing to say about it. If they are into the kink and are willing to take that journey then more power to them.


I want to take the conversation further. I have noticed that many gainers or extremely obese people have experienced some sort of trauma. I have not done the research to support a claim that its more trauma than a skinnier person but i suspect there maybe a correlation. So I ask is it ethical to be an FA or a feeder if the person who is a larger or gaining weights weight gain is a result of trauma they have experienced?

It depends on the situation. If a person is using kink as an unhealthy coping mechanism, I would say that's unethical. Not because of the weight gain, but because of them not dealing with their issues in a productive way. It's like anything else, really.

Also, if a person gains weight, is unhappy that they gained weight, and is pushed to gain more? Well, I'd say that falls undercoersion.

But, if a person is dealing with their trauma in a healthy way, put on some pounds because of it, and decided that they want more? More power to them.

Good point, and I have noticed something similar regarding trauma. I agree that it depends on how they deal with it. For some, trauma is debilitating, and can lead to depression, kill their self-esteem, and they become apathetic about what happens to them, so food becomes an escape. I think that's probably most of the people who end up on My 600 lb life filled with regrets. In that case, encouraging them would be unethical because you'd be taking advantage of their weakness to help them do something that they know is self-harm, but they don't care about their own well-being. It's similar to how we view drinking alcohol, consent means less when judgment is impaired.

But for others, trauma can shape who they are, even as they move past it. Our personalities are influenced by our own life experiences, good and bad. It doesn't make their desires any less valid. As a personal example, I have had some pretty horrible experiences surrounding work. At this point, I don't trust any employer not to steal from my wages. These experiences have influenced me to want to start my own business. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that decision, even if something negative played a role in influencing it. The same can be true for weight gain.

I would never encourage someone to become a death feedist or get into a relationship with someone who was already. I have to think the end of it would be pretty grim whatever you do.

There is one scenario that I wonder about though: what if my feedee wanted to gain from, I don't know, 160 to 220 and we agree she'll stop there. Then she gets to 220 and loves it so much she doesn't want to stop.

She's out of control...maybe she'll go on a diet at times, but she always blows it and goes back to eating and gaining, even if I help her stay on the diet. At some point it's death feedism even if she doesn't want to call it that. Or maybe she does call it that...she loves eating so much she doesn't want to stop for anything.

I'd feel conflicted. Since I'd encourage her to gain the initial 60 pounds, I'd feel at least partly responsible for her going out of control. Thus I'd feel obliged to see to her comfort, maybe even to the point of making sure she could continue overeating.

I'm really not sure what I'd do in this scenario.

Of course 220 isn't death feedism. Just saying it could turn into that. As far as feeder responsibility goes...like I said, I'm conflicted about all of it. Glad to hear your opinion on this, but I'm not quite on the same page.

I think there’s nothing wrong with someone wanting to become immobile. At the end of the day it’s their body, they should be able to do what they want.

I guess the only thing would be the health issues that come with it. Some one would have to care for the immobile person. So when making the decision to become immobile it impacts someone elses life and impacts society indirectly by diverting resources to support that persons upkeep and welfare.

I agree with your first point, the gainer should explore this lifestyle with a supportive partner and try not to lay the responsibility for their needs at their relatives' feet, if possible. That's just being considerate. The part about burdening society though, I've heard that argument from fatphobic people before, and the problem with it is that it doesn't apply the same standard to any other medical issue. If we're to start questioning how deserving people are of medical care based on whether they were at fault for needing it in the first place, that opens the door to a pretty dark place.

Diabetes is a lifestyle disease based on diet, so do diabetics deserve taxpayer funded insulin? Do smokers deserve treatment for lung cancer? Should athletes be treated for spinal injuries? If someone becomes disabled due to a car accident that was preventable, do they have a right to a wheelchair? Should drug addicts get medical intervention to prevent an OD? The number of medical conditions that are at least partially caused by the patient is staggeringly high.

Another issue with the argument is that anyone paying into the system through taxes should be deserving of the benefits that come from the system they are helping to pay for. In that way, taxes should at the very least be a sort of life insurance for tax paying citizens, otherwise what is the point of paying in the first place? As a society that doesn't like to be thought of as cruel, we also try to extend those same benefits to people who are unable to pay taxes, because most people would agree that every person is deserving of having their basic survival needs met, regardless.

Also, the wider impact on society of some people choosing to gain a massive amount of weight is negligible, especially since it's such a niche interest that very few people will actually attempt. I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of people who need obesity-related healthcare are not doing so intentionally. That's not an ethical point, but it's still true. It's like saying that if everyone who went to the moon took home a pebble as a souvenir, then eventually there would be no moon rocks left at all. Might be true in a hypothetical fantasy, still absurd given the reality.

As someone who was immobile due to illness, there is a lot wrong with being that way. Not being able to walk on your own, having someone have to take care of you, not being able to use the bath room on your own.ect. Its one thing to be fat, yet hell look at my 600 pound life, not one of those people seem to have a happy life, and all seem like they are going thru hell..

I feel like there's no quick and easy rule, unfortunately.

You really have to listen to someone and live with them to understand their limits.
I for one never thought immobility would be anything but a tragedy. Then I started dating my wife-to-be, and she just kept getting heavier and more helpless. "Has this gone too far?" I thought. But she's lovely, happy, healthy (we trust each other so she shows me her medical records). She knows she's super obese, shrugs off the mobility problems as everyday inconveniences. And I discovered that taking care of her isn't a burden, but really fun!

On a lot of other people though, that might be living Hell