For me, personally, it would be something like... I meet a feeder - we have a lot of fun for the first few months or so. After 5 months, my weight has gone from 185 to 215... month six is a bit crazier, and at the end of the month I'm 235. I express concerns that I want to level off, and maintain this weight for a bit. I hit the gym, and find it much harder than I thought. Cravings are insane. Every workout makes me ravenous. I cheat here and there, and at the end of the month, I'm frustrated to find I only lost two pounds, down to 233.
The following month, I find things even more difficult, and many workouts are followed up with a burger and fries. To make things worse, my feeder begins rewarding my moments of weakness and gluttony with intense sexual release. And I slowly start to associate overeating with pleasure and reward. I still try to maintain my weight, but at the end of the month, I step on the scale and... "oh no... fuck fuck fuck..." - The scale reads 247.
In that moment, I question if I'll ever lose or even maintain my weight. Maybe I'll plateau somewhere. The past two months have kinda sucked, trying to keep things in check. And for what? To gain another twelve pounds anyway? Why not just lean into it?
I realize I have three hours before I see my feeder. A devilish thought crosses my mind. I wonder how she'll react if I can get myself up to 250 this evening...
1 year