General

Enas:
Unfortunately i have a really hard time with finding romantic attraction to other people (who whould welcome it) one very good friend of mine, a litteral sweetheart, stopped talking to me because of really bad mental health problems. A lot of people in my college, i find them immature in a toxic sense.

One person i really like is a fellow nb but they're also in a relationship.

I really want it but i dont have the best social skills to find a romantic partner. I don't have great luck so far :/

Enas:
Unfortunately i have a really hard time with finding romantic attraction to other people (who whould welcome it) one very good friend of mine, a litteral sweetheart, stopped talking to me because of really bad mental health problems. A lot of people in my college, i find them immature in a toxic sense.

One person i really like is a fellow nb but they're also in a relationship.

I really want it but i dont have the best social skills to find a romantic partner. I don't have great luck so far :/

Mrman1980uk:
I would suggest working on learning social skills. These are learnable (even though they come naturally to many people), but learning does take time and effort.

It won't necessarily fully solve your problem (these things are inherently hard for everyone), but it may help.

Enas:
Unfortunately i have a really hard time with finding romantic attraction to other people (who whould welcome it) one very good friend of mine, a litteral sweetheart, stopped talking to me because of really bad mental health problems. A lot of people in my college, i find them immature in a toxic sense.

One person i really like is a fellow nb but they're also in a relationship.

I really want it but i dont have the best social skills to find a romantic partner. I don't have great luck so far :/

Mrman1980uk:
I would suggest working on learning social skills. These are learnable (even though they come naturally to many people), but learning does take time and effort.

It won't necessarily fully solve your problem (these things are inherently hard for everyone), but it may help.

Enas:
Yes, that's something i do try to do, and it definitely helps me! 🙂
Problem is i dont see anywhere a potential partner! 😅

ForeverFFA:
Update:

My boyfriend and I have been taking a break and there's other reasons but at least part of it has to do with my concerns over sexual compatibility. I need to make my relationship decision sometime next week.

I feel badly because he's okay with what I like (he's not big but has a little belly himself) and even the fact that I'm on a site like this (since I'm not using it to cheat), and yet, it's exactly because I've been on Fantasy Feeder that I've come to realize the full extent of what I'm missing out on.

It sounds like a lot of you have been saying that this is just too fundamental to get past? Would any of you just try to forget about feedism instead of ending the relationship?

ForeverFFA:
Update:

My boyfriend and I have been taking a break and there's other reasons but at least part of it has to do with my concerns over sexual compatibility. I need to make my relationship decision sometime next week.

I feel badly because he's okay with what I like (he's not big but has a little belly himself) and even the fact that I'm on a site like this (since I'm not using it to cheat), and yet, it's exactly because I've been on Fantasy Feeder that I've come to realize the full extent of what I'm missing out on.

It sounds like a lot of you have been saying that this is just too fundamental to get past? Would any of you just try to forget about feedism instead of ending the relationship?

ForeverFFA:
I feel the need to update this thread because I'm sort of struggling all over again just when I thought I had reached a happy conclusion.

It feels like my fat fetish is not really welcome in my relationship after all, as if my boyfriend would rather pretend it doesn't exist. He hasn't brought it up once since our initial discussions but has instead made offhand remarks about fat being unhealthy and has continued to talk negatively about his own and others' bodies (for being "too" fat). I'm wondering if I should approach a renewed discussion with him after all this? And how?

My fetish isn't going away, and I feel like I can't live as my whole, authentic self with this silence. I'm also confused, based on his initial reaction being much more positive.

ForeverFFA:
I feel the need to update this thread because I'm sort of struggling all over again just when I thought I had reached a happy conclusion.

It feels like my fat fetish is not really welcome in my relationship after all, as if my boyfriend would rather pretend it doesn't exist. He hasn't brought it up once since our initial discussions but has instead made offhand remarks about fat being unhealthy and has continued to talk negatively about his own and others' bodies (for being "too" fat). I'm wondering if I should approach a renewed discussion with him after all this? And how?

My fetish isn't going away, and I feel like I can't live as my whole, authentic self with this silence. I'm also confused, based on his initial reaction being much more positive.

ForeverFFA:
Fair. But my issue isn't the will to find other things about them attractive: my fetish is frustratingly hard-wired, to the point where I struggle to get in the mood from anything else. It's been a conversation that I've mostly avoided in past relationships like that out of awkwardness (and not wanting anyone to feel like they had to change for me), so I just went along with things I didn't enjoy.

LoraDayton:
Because you have to have the conversation with them about what the fetish is and it's your responsibility not to project it onto them, which isn't difficult at all.

If you don't know how to say "this turns my crank" without them feeling like *they* have to be the one to turn that crank, it is *absolutely* deep-seated fatphobia or at the very least insecurity because you aren't able to be vulnerable. You are not compatible with these people because you cannot be the partner they deserve that is open to them. Somewhere, you still have shame about it—not about being attracted to fat people but the way people would judge *you* for it—and that is definitely rooted in internalized fatphobia. Just as you would be hurt by someone withholding something like that regardless whether or not you'd judge them, you are doing the same.

It's so super gross when an FA comes in here and says something like "This is so hard-wired in me!" as if it isn't for anyone with any other kink on the planet. Like that's literally the point of having fetishes and kinks. I can't tell you how, as an actual fat person, that feels and sounds like coming from others who are not (though your profile doesn't indicate either way so my apologies if I'm mistaken). It reeks a lot of "I can't help myself and I'm not accountable for this" when you definitely are. You are accountable for BEING a good partner, which includes being authentic. This is easier on everyone in the long run, and that way your partners won't feel betrayed or lied to.

No one is forcing you to pursue relationships with people that you know are incompatible at the outset. That's a choice you make. And then you choose to maintain the facade with them. This is a tale as old as time—whether it's the scarcity mindset, the pressure for people to be partnered, or just lack of knowledge about how relationships work (sometimes all of the above!)

If you want to know more about *how* to have the conversation with them, some of what I have here may help you:

loradayton.com/2022/01/26/how-to-have-the-kink-talk-with-your-partner/