Gaining

Morbidly A Beast:
I personally don’t like this stuff and I think it’s cringe when there’s people talking about people’s pants and shirts not fitting when they’re out in public. Like damn imagine you being told that unless you’re into humiliation.

That’s different than finding someone attractive. That’s fetishizing and kinda messed up. I don’t think anyone would be okay with someone fantasizing about raping someone and then like describing it, and then saying it’s just what they find attractive — I’m not making that comparison in this instance I’m just saying it for an example, to be clear

Letters And Numbers:
This is a website that caters to a fetish community? It’s not the only thing it does, but it’s a big part of it.

Morbidly A Beast:
Yes but the people who join this are consenting. The people being fetishized would probably be mortified if they found this stuff.

Morbidly A Beast:
I personally don’t like this stuff and I think it’s cringe when there’s people talking about people’s pants and shirts not fitting when they’re out in public. Like damn imagine you being told that unless you’re into humiliation.

That’s different than finding someone attractive. That’s fetishizing and kinda messed up. I don’t think anyone would be okay with someone fantasizing about raping someone and then like describing it, and then saying it’s just what they find attractive — I’m not making that comparison in this instance I’m just saying it for an example, to be clear

Letters And Numbers:
This is a website that caters to a fetish community? It’s not the only thing it does, but it’s a big part of it.

Morbidly A Beast:
Yes but the people who join this are consenting. The people being fetishized would probably be mortified if they found this stuff.

Letters And Numbers:
I think most people would see that as an extreme take at the very least, or more likely just trolling. But everyone has their own trip so I hope that is a good one for you.

Morbidly A Beast:
I personally don’t like this stuff and I think it’s cringe when there’s people talking about people’s pants and shirts not fitting when they’re out in public. Like damn imagine you being told that unless you’re into humiliation.

That’s different than finding someone attractive. That’s fetishizing and kinda messed up. I don’t think anyone would be okay with someone fantasizing about raping someone and then like describing it, and then saying it’s just what they find attractive — I’m not making that comparison in this instance I’m just saying it for an example, to be clear

Letters And Numbers:
This is a website that caters to a fetish community? It’s not the only thing it does, but it’s a big part of it.

Morbidly A Beast:
Yes but the people who join this are consenting. The people being fetishized would probably be mortified if they found this stuff.

Letters And Numbers:
I think most people would see that as an extreme take at the very least, or more likely just trolling. But everyone has their own trip so I hope that is a good one for you.

Munchies:
Idk about that. I mean the fat positive community sees the fat fetish community as inherently abusive. Not saying we are, but it's a very common take.

Munchies:
It's a consent issue.

Like sure. There are things we find attractive. And sometimes you see a stranger that really revvs your engine.

But you gotta admit it's violating to have someone put you in their spank bank like that.

Morbidly A Beast:

That’s different than finding someone attractive. That’s fetishizing and kinda messed up.

Or worse. Maybe someone you know is attracted to you. Maybe you're close. Maybe you're just friends and you are in a relationship with someone else. But instead of respecting your relationship with each other, they masterbate at the thought of you.

Like sure. Maybe you never tell anyone about it. But it's still really creepy.

Morbidly A Beast:
I just think it’s pretty gross that there’s people fetishizing strangers irl when there’s people in this community who are actively gaining on purpose but whatever enjoy your nut I guess

Or worse. Maybe someone you know is attracted to you. Maybe you're close. Maybe you're just friends and you are in a relationship with someone else. But instead of respecting your relationship with each other, they masterbate at the thought of you.

Like sure. Maybe you never tell anyone about it. But it's still really creepy.

AskDrFeeder:
I'd be very surprised if there is even one person on the planet over the age of 6 who doesn't have thoughts some others would find creepy if they knew about them.

Munchies:
There's nothing wrong with having sexual fantasies - even if they are unusual ones. But like ... consent is sexy. And if you don't have their consent, then maybe don't sexualize them.

Munchies:
There's nothing wrong with having sexual fantasies - even if they are unusual ones. But like ... consent is sexy. And if you don't have their consent, then maybe don't sexualize them.

Greentrees8733:
Totally understandable that the experience you described would feel violating.

I’m just not convinced fantasizing about others constitutes a violation of consent. I’m willing to be convinced otherwise, but here’s my take, featuring good ol’ Alice and Bob:

Alice’s thoughts about Bob are not actually Bob. Bob himself isn’t actually involved in Alice’s private thoughts about Bob, so there’s nothing for him to consent to (or not). Alice’s thoughts (about anything) are part of Alice. As an autonomous person, I would think Alice is the only one with any say over her own private thoughts.

Put another way, I don’t think fantasizing about guys as a teenager makes you “guilty” of anything. I just don’t see how private thoughts have any moral weight. Like, what harm did you do, or risk doing?

Sharing them is different, though. Sharing impacts others, so their consent is relevant. But that’s kind of OT for this reply.

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Side note: OP does say “I couldn’t keep my eyes off her” which (given the voyeuristic style of the post) kinda sounds like an inappropriate/potentially violating amount of staring, but that’s a separate issue from fantasizing being a violation of consent.

Munchies:
There's nothing wrong with having sexual fantasies - even if they are unusual ones. But like ... consent is sexy. And if you don't have their consent, then maybe don't sexualize them.

Greentrees8733:
Totally understandable that the experience you described would feel violating.

I’m just not convinced fantasizing about others constitutes a violation of consent. I’m willing to be convinced otherwise, but here’s my take, featuring good ol’ Alice and Bob:

Alice’s thoughts about Bob are not actually Bob. Bob himself isn’t actually involved in Alice’s private thoughts about Bob, so there’s nothing for him to consent to (or not). Alice’s thoughts (about anything) are part of Alice. As an autonomous person, I would think Alice is the only one with any say over her own private thoughts.

Put another way, I don’t think fantasizing about guys as a teenager makes you “guilty” of anything. I just don’t see how private thoughts have any moral weight. Like, what harm did you do, or risk doing?

Sharing them is different, though. Sharing impacts others, so their consent is relevant. But that’s kind of OT for this reply.

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Side note: OP does say “I couldn’t keep my eyes off her” which (given the voyeuristic style of the post) kinda sounds like an inappropriate/potentially violating amount of staring, but that’s a separate issue from fantasizing being a violation of consent.

Munchies:
As a man thinks, so does he do.

I'm not saying fantasizing about people means you're going to actually do the thing. But it does color what you do in reality. The extent depends on what you conciously check yourself on, but it's never 100%.

Like, if a woman's boss fantasizes about her sexually, or a woman fantasizes about her best friend's husband, can we say it's not going to color their interactions with the object of their desire?

Remember, the issue isn't the kinks so much as the object of your desires.