Gaining

You can suppress it for a while but I do not think it ever goes away. I was always normal weight and my family was very anti-fat. I think about 15 years ago I figured out that I had this fetish and other people have it too. I was about 155 lbs at the time and gained to about 170. At that point I stopped and was able to get away from it and it layed dormant for several years. Then about 4 years ago it cam back and I managed to get to 180. I then stopped it and I wnet back to almost 160. las t year it cam back stronger than ever. With age it gets esier too. I made it to 192 this time before once again I backed off. This time I really never lost and went down just a few pounds. Then the fetish cam back again and all I think about is food and gaining. Its erotic in a very weird way. I feel the fat this time and I really notice the changes in my body. I am back upto 191 and I think I will break the old high. The problem is the more I gain and feel the fat the stronger the urge to gain even more. The last 10 pounds have really made a difference as I have outgrown pants and shirts are getting tight. I have concerns about avoiding health issues but try to balance that with the urge to gain more, I wish I understood the reasons for these urges but do not think I will. The urge this time is probably the strongest it has ever been. I think in part the last gain has really made a difference which has has spurred what will another 10 pounds bring?

Oh boy can I relate to that!

I'm in a situation right now, because I'm the fattest I've ever been and gained the last 18 lbs these 3 months and I'm at the point where the urge to gain, eat and hide food is interfering in my daily life...

I understand the interfering with daily life. I feel right now that I am at a tipping point where the fetsih takes over and I blow up. I found a calculator that will tell you how many excess calories you need to gain a certain weight. If I eat an extra 1000 calories a day I would be around 200 lbs on July 4 th. I do not know why I have an obsession at the moment like this. If I thought reaching 200 would make the fetsih subside I would do it. I also think the next step would be 210 where I would officially be obese. - thus another 20 poundsI I also have hidden food where I have a big bag of chips and candy. Right now I am trying peanuts, which I love, as a better more healthy way of gaining weight. This is the first time I have had enough of a belly to play with and it is a turn on. Thus my belief this fetish NEVER goes away

This is the best answer.

If you're struggling with feelings of shame and general negativity then I would recommend you speak to a mental health professional about it.