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Getting your partner more open about their weight and size?

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Munchies   United States
Joined 3 years
Morbidly A Beast:
What difference what weight she is? As a fat person who is visibly fat which I assume is like your girlfriend, it strikes me as an odd question outside of a kink context. Anything other than a lot is irrelevant. To her and fatties it’s a bit like asking “you are fat, and?”


Some people have a numbers kink with this fetish. They love knowing how many pounds you weigh and how many inches you are around.

That said, it's a super intimate thing that requires enthusiastic consent.

When I was actively fattening up my partner, we'd talk about these things all the time. It was a fun little benchmark thing. Now that we aren't doing that currently he has no desire to partake in that. In fact, he actively despises talking about it.

So I being the good partner that I am respect his boundary and don't ask or comment on it. Sometimes he volunteers the information, but I let him do it on his own terms.
8 months

Getting your partner more open about their weight and size?

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Munchies   United States
Joined 3 years
Munchies:
It's about boundaries. When someone has a boundary, you do not cross it. Now, in some contexts, if the relationship allows for such closeness, you can have a conversation about that. But seeing as OP has been dating his gf for 4 months, he ain't there.

Enas:
I wrote this mostly as a reply to Milhause said, which can be better described as some sort of silent social pact between people rather than everyone's boundaries.

As for the OP, it is a metaphorical jungle that they have to go through. It seems their relationship has not been solidified adequetally. (that will be true ehrn they can talk about anything without trying to dodge topics)


Beloved, the silent social pact between people is a boundary. You know why women don't want to talk about such things. You admitted as such yourself. Therefore, talking about it without expressed permission from that person it crossing a boundary.

It's like if I decided to ask you about your finances. Unless we have a relationship where it's appropriate to discuss such things, it's terribly rude and invasive. As such, there's a silent social pact not to do that.
8 months

Getting your partner more open about their weight and size?

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Slip130   United States
Joined 3 years
I appreciate the honest advice btw everyone it was actually really nice to check back in and read some really well thought out responses and reading some of them really did change my perspective on it a little bit so I'm thankful for that.
8 months

Getting your partner more open about their weight and size?

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Enas   Greece
Joined 4 years
Munchies:
It's about boundaries. When someone has a boundary, you do not cross it. Now, in some contexts, if the relationship allows for such closeness, you can have a conversation about that. But seeing as OP has been dating his gf for 4 months, he ain't there.

Enas:
I wrote this mostly as a reply to Milhause said, which can be better described as some sort of silent social pact between people rather than everyone's boundaries.

As for the OP, it is a metaphorical jungle that they have to go through. It seems their relationship has not been solidified adequetally. (that will be true ehrn they can talk about anything without trying to dodge topics)

Munchies:
Beloved, the silent social pact between people is a boundary. You know why women don't want to talk about such things. You admitted as such yourself. Therefore, talking about it without expressed permission from that person it crossing a boundary.

It's like if I decided to ask you about your finances. Unless we have a relationship where it's appropriate to discuss such things, it's terribly rude and invasive. As such, there's a silent social pact not to do that.


I get that! Im only saying that it isnt rational (nothing about our society is particularly rational to be fair)
8 months

Getting your partner more open about their weight and size?

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Munchies   United States
Joined 3 years
Munchies:
It's about boundaries. When someone has a boundary, you do not cross it. Now, in some contexts, if the relationship allows for such closeness, you can have a conversation about that. But seeing as OP has been dating his gf for 4 months, he ain't there.

Enas:
I wrote this mostly as a reply to Milhause said, which can be better described as some sort of silent social pact between people rather than everyone's boundaries.

As for the OP, it is a metaphorical jungle that they have to go through. It seems their relationship has not been solidified adequetally. (that will be true ehrn they can talk about anything without trying to dodge topics)

Munchies:
Beloved, the silent social pact between people is a boundary. You know why women don't want to talk about such things. You admitted as such yourself. Therefore, talking about it without expressed permission from that person it crossing a boundary.

It's like if I decided to ask you about your finances. Unless we have a relationship where it's appropriate to discuss such things, it's terribly rude and invasive. As such, there's a silent social pact not to do that.

Enas:
I get that! Im only saying that it isnt rational (nothing about our society is particularly rational to be fair)


Beloved, your definition of rational is Vulcan. You view emotion as something apart from logic when, in truth, logic devoid of emotion is not logical at all.
8 months

Getting your partner more open about their weight and size?

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Munchies   United States
Joined 3 years
Slip130:
I appreciate the honest advice btw everyone it was actually really nice to check back in and read some really well thought out responses and reading some of them really did change my perspective on it a little bit so I'm thankful for that.


Glad to help. Hope all goes well in your relationship.
8 months

Getting your partner more open about their weight and size?

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FAscination   Belgium
Joined 14 years
Slip130:
I appreciate the honest advice btw everyone it was actually really nice to check back in and read some really well thought out responses and reading some of them really did change my perspective on it a little bit so I'm thankful for that.

I understand your fascination for the number on the scale. It does not define them or you in anyway, but you are still somehow dying to know it. I think 4 months is probably a bit soon. It takes a lot of time, trust, being comfortable with someone and often also confidence in one self to share such intimate personal details.
My first wife never told me, but she was also not comfortable with me touching here belly. My second long term girl friend was quite open about it, but she had undergone WLS recently and told me how much she weighted, how much she lost etc.
My current wife told me a few years into the relationship when she was trying to loose some weight. I don't think I had asked her before. We also did some measurements at that time. And now she tells me regularly.

Communication is important in a relationship, but I don't think you need to tell everything immediately. There is a time and place for everything. Just like her wieght might be very private for her, your kinks might be private for you. It all depends on where you are in the relatiosnhip, and how important it is for you. I was pretty clear from early on that I prefer bigger women. Later on I added that I like big bellies more than boobies.
I would love to see her at 400 lbs, but it is also pretty clear that she is not comfortable being more than about the 300 lbs she is now, and that is absolutely fine with me, so I have never brought that up.
8 months

Getting your partner more open about their weight and size?

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Enas   Greece
Joined 4 years
Munchies:
It's about boundaries. When someone has a boundary, you do not cross it. Now, in some contexts, if the relationship allows for such closeness, you can have a conversation about that. But seeing as OP has been dating his gf for 4 months, he ain't there.

Enas:
I wrote this mostly as a reply to Milhause said, which can be better described as some sort of silent social pact between people rather than everyone's boundaries.

As for the OP, it is a metaphorical jungle that they have to go through. It seems their relationship has not been solidified adequetally. (that will be true ehrn they can talk about anything without trying to dodge topics)

Munchies:
Beloved, the silent social pact between people is a boundary. You know why women don't want to talk about such things. You admitted as such yourself. Therefore, talking about it without expressed permission from that person it crossing a boundary.

It's like if I decided to ask you about your finances. Unless we have a relationship where it's appropriate to discuss such things, it's terribly rude and invasive. As such, there's a silent social pact not to do that.

Enas:
I get that! Im only saying that it isnt rational (nothing about our society is particularly rational to be fair)

Munchies:
Beloved, your definition of rational is Vulcan. You view emotion as something apart from logic when, in truth, logic devoid of emotion is not logical at all.


(I dont understand what "vulcan" means in this sentense 😅)

Look, i have 2 things to say about this.

First, by what i have seen so far, i strongly disagree. Are people who dont have feelings unable to produce logical thoughts? I havent seen an example of that anywhere and i havent come across any study or research that concludes that! (If you do know any, please enlighten me!) In the contrary i have never ever seen any irational person acting, with intent, on anything other than feelings. Thats not to say that feelings cant play some part in this process, sometimes, but again i dont see anything that could suggest that what you say is true. If you do have any evidence, please show me!

Secondly, this conversation, although immensely interesting, is not really relevant to the point i was making in my previous message, because what i point at is the lack of critical thought, evident in the majority of the population, the extremely high levels of narcissistic behaviors, etc. Things that exist as a direct contradiction to rationality, whatever its definition is (except if the definition doesnt involve critical thinking, but then it wouldnt be what i would be concerned with).
8 months

Getting your partner more open about their weight and size?

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Enas   Greece
Joined 4 years
Milhause:
I was taught the two things you NEVER ask a woman (should be ppl in general tho): their age and their weight.

I guess you need to be more communicative if it’s really that important but for context I’ve been with my partner for almost a decade, and I’ve never known their weight except for one time when a quirk of our schedules and car needs saw me accompanying her to a drs appointment.

Now granted, my spouse knows I’m a FA and that I find her beautiful and she still doesn’t share her weight or flaunt it. Ultimately, it’s up to your partner how comfortable they are. Personally, I don’t need to know some arbitrary number because I value her for who she is, full stop.

Have a chat with your person if it’s something you feel is important. It may not be a big deal but they also may not want to share that info. Gotta respect it either way.

Enas:
I uuuh, i agree and disagree at the same time with this way of thinking.

I understand the social context, especially for women (you *must* be bellow "x" pounds to be accepted by society, otherwise youre gross, etc) but seriously, how come and in what sense is not talking about something a form of respect? This is generaly a conclusion that is reached when the topic is making someone uncomfortable. But that on its own is a good enough reason to talk

Milhause:
I mean, we can debate about the patriarchy or respect or whatever, but the main reason I don’t ask people their age or weight is because it’s none of my business.


Actually, would you agree with me that a better way to put it would be, it would be of no use to ask those things? Because i think leaving some space in some cases is valid. For example if you want to satisfy your curiosity. If thats the case, then the fact that its not about you is not a valid objection. (Uncomfort *would* be a valid one, for example)
8 months

Getting your partner more open about their weight and size?

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Morbidly A Beast   United States
Joined 2 years
you can be fat like being fat not having a problem with your size and body and still not be comfortable talking about how much you weigh btw

it’s just a touchy subject.
8 months
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