Munchies:
Of course lower physical attraction doesn't negate love. However, the way you went about it was a bit ... emotionally oblivious.
Don't get me wrong. You did the right thing telling him that you will support him losing weight. But your reaction was a bit ... demoralizing.
Everyone wants their partner to love them and find them attractive. To say, quite viscerally, that you will find your partner less attractive after he worked up the courage to tell you he wants to lose weight stings. And you know he worked up the courage to tell you because he was shocked that you didn't try to argue him about him losing weight.
Imagine if he told you that he'd be less attracted to you if you lost some of your curves. It would hurt even though you know he loves you.
My boyfriend is about 500 lbs. He wants to lose some weight for health and comfort related reasons. He's already joined a gym and goes 3 times a week.
He knows I love him, but he feels secure that my attraction to him will be the same. How did I manage that? Because I found several different reasons to find him attractive. So even if he lost one of the things I found attractive about him, I have several other reasons to be attracted to him.
Of course lower physical attraction doesn't negate love. However, the way you went about it was a bit ... emotionally oblivious.
Don't get me wrong. You did the right thing telling him that you will support him losing weight. But your reaction was a bit ... demoralizing.
Everyone wants their partner to love them and find them attractive. To say, quite viscerally, that you will find your partner less attractive after he worked up the courage to tell you he wants to lose weight stings. And you know he worked up the courage to tell you because he was shocked that you didn't try to argue him about him losing weight.
Imagine if he told you that he'd be less attracted to you if you lost some of your curves. It would hurt even though you know he loves you.
My boyfriend is about 500 lbs. He wants to lose some weight for health and comfort related reasons. He's already joined a gym and goes 3 times a week.
He knows I love him, but he feels secure that my attraction to him will be the same. How did I manage that? Because I found several different reasons to find him attractive. So even if he lost one of the things I found attractive about him, I have several other reasons to be attracted to him.
I agree with almost everything you said, but not that he worked up the courage to tell me. If you judge only by this, I agree it could look like that, but it's not the first time he says something like this. He told me a lot of times in the past the same thing and even when I tried to hide my fetish and he actually tought I would prefer him skinnier (which I still think he partially thinks) his behaviour was the same as this time, eating more or not doing anything to actually lose weight.
If this was the first time he told me something like this, I wouldn't act like that and I would try to hide my emotions better. But from my point of view, he used to tell me he wants to lose weight often in the past because he thought I would prefer him like that. Last time he told me he wants to lose weight and he was really sad he got that fat I made it very clear I found him really attractive like that and he was very happy and enjoyed food more than ever. Now I am suspicious he has doubts again (he asked me lately about a boy with 6 packs if I find him attractive and my answer was yes...I know you'll tell me is not ok, but me and my bf have this rule of always telling the truth).
Anyway, he is the kind of person who makes anything if he really wants to. So I can judge by his behaviour in the future if he actually wants to lose weight or he just told me like he told that many times in the past. By now he didn't act like he actually wants that...it was the opposite to be honest
1 year