Fattening others

I told him a random guy has this opinion. He said that guy must be an idiot. I totally agree

I told him a random guy has this opinion. He said that guy must be an idiot. I totally agree

Maybe you don't or can't pay attention, BUT my problem was HOW should I comunicate with him or HOW to not feel sad about this. I didn't ask if I'm wrong or not because guess what: it's OUR relationship, not yours. Everyone can have their own rules for a relationship and we didn't ask for your permission.

We, as a couple, agreed since we first met sex will be 80% of our relationship. And we discuss the possiblity of not being as attractive for each other in the future. We both agreed that we will love each orher anyways, we won't cheat, but we agreed it can happen to not be as attracted if one of us changed how he looks (not when we get old, this was another topic).

I won't consider my boyfriend an asshole if I'll get fat and he won't be as attracted (physically) to me for example or whatever. It's the harsh reality some of you can't accept. In a realationship where sex is very important (and for us it is since it happens like 3-4 times a day or even more if we stay home) it is absolutely normal to care about physical appearance.

BUT this don't change our love. This is the BIG difference between love and physical attraction. If you want to put "=" between those two, it's just your problem. I will love him the same anyway, but the dynamic of our relatiosnhip can change. It will be less about sex and more about hugs maybe, idk.

Also, if this was a big deal for me or us, trust me I wouldn't ask for some random strangers' opinions.

He told me his belly started to get in the way. He can't bend over that easily anymore, he gets tired faster and other things like that. Also, probably it's not that easy to hear from many people that he got fat and he's not looking so good anymore.

I really understand him and I want to support him, but at the same time one part of me just wants to beg him not to lose weight. Ofc I won't do that, I will never accept him doing something for me which makes him unhappy.

It's just...the things were really good and he made it seem like he actually enjoyed his weight gain so I didn't expect this and I'm sad about it.

He told me his belly started to get in the way. He can't bend over that easily anymore, he gets tired faster and other things like that. Also, probably it's not that easy to hear from many people that he got fat and he's not looking so good anymore.

I really understand him and I want to support him, but at the same time one part of me just wants to beg him not to lose weight. Ofc I won't do that, I will never accept him doing something for me which makes him unhappy.

It's just...the things were really good and he made it seem like he actually enjoyed his weight gain so I didn't expect this and I'm sad about it.

I forgot to mention: first of all, this guy won't be ripped apart for not finding his gf as attractive as he was before. He'll be judged for wanting to break up with her for that, for not loving ger anymore, for criticising her and many things like that. It's absolutely normal to not find someone as attractive as you thought he was if he changes the way he looks.
But, you realise this isn't the same thing right? It's something to complain about your partener changing the way he looks if it already happened just because. It's something else if your partener wants to do it, but haven't done it yet.
If your gf wants to shave her head and you know you'll find this totally unattractive, you'll try to stop her and you won't be judged for that. It's absolutely normal to try to prevent a change you know will affect your attraction to your partener as long as at the end of the day you let her decide and you don't manipulate her.

I don't consider I'm the bad guy for telling my boyfriend he looks better now and that I would prefer him not losing weight. If I would ever tell him I won't find him attractive at all if he loses weight or I will break up with him or if I try to manipulate him using sex...yeah, in that case I would agree with you.

Feelings are just that, feelings.

I don’t know anyone who can totally control their feelings. It’s what you do with those feelings that matters.

You’re not a bad person. I’m not one to judge anyway. You never asked to be judged in any of this forum. You asked some advice.

I’m not one to give advice on this, but I think you are pretty wise in your approach and your thinking. You can listen to what others suggest, but it’s your future and his future. You all get to work it out and decide what to do with your love.

And it sounds like you both have great love and respect for each other. Best to you both through all these difficult times.

We are all going to change. We will age. We will wrinkle. We will grow fatter or skinnier. We will lose hair and then grow hair in new and unusual places. We will have scars and wounds.

There are changes you can’t control or decide. If you’re in it for the long haul, you know:

Love is more than just attraction.

And if your partner wants to experiment with changes, unless you find them so odious they make you I’ll, then give them their space.

My body. My life.

I think I heard that one somewhere.

I messed that up somehow. I will fix it later. When I have some patience.

People's bodies change all the time. How you look now will not be how you look later.

Ever see couples that have been together 40, 50, 60 years? Specifically the ones that are still in love with each other? They put in the work to achieve that. The truth is that no matter what your partner looks like, you can lose attraction to them anytime. And telling them "I'm not attracted to you," or "I'm less attracted to you," puts the burden on them.

And unless they are doing something no reasonable person would put up with like not bathing or being obnoxious, then it's a you issue, not a them issue.

My partner loves busty women. And I am very busty. If I went down several cup sizes and he said "I'm not attracted to you anymore," or "I find you less attractive," I'd be destroyed.

You have some things you need to work through - things that are not his burden to bear. If he asks, you can tell him "I'm sorry babe. I'm working through some things. They are not your fault, and you did nothing wrong. When I'm done, I'll tell you about it."

In the mean time, ask yourself if you can find other reasons to be attracted to him. When my partner decided to lose weight, he was terrified of me losing attraction to him. That never happened. If anything, the closer we get, the more I find myself attracted to him. Some of it involves me finding different reasons to be attracted to him. Like the growing muscle in his arms or how he has really nice cheekbones I never saw before. The rest is appreciating the things that don't change like his broad shoulders or sweet smile.

It's also important to find non-sexual reasons to be attracted to your partner. For me, it's things like how he makes me feel safe or his wicked sense of humor.

If you can find it in yourself to maintain your attraction, tell him. "Babe, I was worried I'd lose my attraction to you. But after thinking things through, I realize that's not going to be a problem." If you can't then you should probably end things. If not, the relationship will wither away and become filled with resentment.