Yoyoing up and down with my weight kinda became my routine over the last few years. Before I intentionally started to gain I was always around 145 lbs (+/- 5) at a size of 1,75 m (5.9??).
About 4 years ago was when I initially started to gain intentionally and whenever I did so, I went all in (heavy cream + regular fastfood stuffings) and see how far I can get. Those periods usually go on for about 1-2 months, until I get freaked out by how effective they are and will just go back to living "normal".
All over, I enjoy eating healthy and exercise and I don't aim to get morbidly obese - but over the last few years I definetely learned that I also enjoy allowing myself letting go to indulge in my gaining fantasies and seeing myself rapidly gain is a huge turn-on.
So over the last few years I went from 145 to 160m getting back to 150, then go back to 160, but only losing a few punds before going nuts again and ending up with about 170, eventually go all the way back to 145, change my mind again and get back to 170, lose another 5, add another 10, etc.... So basically, even though my weight fluctuated a lot, I slowly was packing it on and when I was in a situation that I hadn't really an interest to keep on gaining, my weight stagnated at about 165 for about a year and I never got back to 145, or even under 160 since then.
Even though I enjoyed gaining a lot, I was always a bit self-conscious about it. But something changed since the end of last year, where I absolutely let myself go and somehow got to 200 lbs. Of course, it absolutely freaked me out and I lost about 30 lbs the following 2 months.
So I stayed at about 170 for a few months further, but started pushing myself again two weeks ago and am at 185 lbs as today.
My "style" of gaining is probably very unhealthy with all the rapid ups and downs, but I just really can't help myself to do it another way and I enjoy the sensation of getting as fat as fast as possible.. Whenever I'm in a phase of gaining I will stuff myself with everything that's highly caloric and will not cause me to throw up (even tho I'm close to it often).
I don't know where I will end up on this journey, but I definetely aim to pass the 200 lbs mark this time and will just see how I feel about it, eventually get back to "normal" eating habits and working out again.
But in conclusion, it seems I will never get back to below 180 and I don't want to at this point.
Now, being offcially "overweight", I learned to enjoy being so much thicker as I used; my thighs rubbing against eachother constantly now, where I used to have a disctinc gap, my belly always being bloated an sticking out, stretching all my shirts now and my skin as well....
Looking all they way back when I first started gaining intentionally I would definetely have had fantasies about managing to gain up to 200 lbs, but never thought it would be possible to let myself go that far. Currently, as I mentioned, I'm not quite there yet again, but was at 200 lbs at my highest and I'm very curious about to findout where my next high will be at.
I still don't have a specific goal, since I'm just going with the flow and will see whatever fits me right, but I kinda would like to see me at about 220 lbs, which would translate to 100 kg and set me in the range of being obese. Even though it's just numbers, those are considerable milestones I feel confident willing and able to archieve.
I'm still very hesistand into seeking out someone who would encourage me to gain weight. So far I was doing all this on my own and am kinda afraid of what this kind of relationship could do to me, since it's already working so well if I want it to.
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