General

I confess that I'm in love again and it scares me a little. I was supposed to be taking a break from love.

I'm lonely, but I've never had a good experience with love so my fear of hurting someone and being hurt myself prevents me from really looking for a proper partner. I'll probably make the mistake of going out with the next decently attractive person that shows an interest, and then i'll be back to square one before long.

My family just has a ridiculous history of divorce and breakups, and my personal history mostly consists of me falling for people, saying we love each other, and then the other person telling me they never really meant it, or they've fallen for someone else. I know it's not my fault because i've discussed it in therapy and with friends and I know these people wouldn't bullshit me and let me carry on making myself miserable if it was something to do with me. So I can only assume that I'm just unlucky. I know i'm usually attracted to unstable people with issues - which doesn't help - but if I don't fancy someone, then i can't really do anything about it. I think perhaps I need to feel like I can offer something to my partner and people with issues have an obvious need for support and love, but most people with problems would rather have a distraction from them, rather than a partner that will help them get through. I don't know, it's all a minefield of confusing pseudo-psychology.

All I know is that if you put me in a room with 10 women I knew nothing about, I guarantee the one I'd be most attracted to would turn out to be bipolar, or bulimic or a drug addict or have a shitty boyfriend that beats her or something like that. I'd complain about this a whole lot less if the people I fell for actually wanted someone like me in their lives, unfortunately they seem to lose interest as quickly as they fall for me, and i'm left still hurting and thinking about them years later.

1. I have never posted.
2. Starting to lose hope in the chance that this site will ever give me any level of gratification.
3. Have come to realize in the past couple weeks that this fetish of mine is a sexual one, therefore it can only truly be fulfilled WITH some one. My love/hate relationship with being a feedee/feeder is dependent on some one else to share it with. Unless I come across some one soon I will probable abandon this altogether(at least for a long while).
4. Not sure if I really want some to read this post.

this made me joyful and sad all in one swoop.

I am glad you posted. I wish you the best of luck... really and honestly because you seem like such a nice guy, who knows what he wants and has an outlook that is serious and truthful.

I ate an appetizer last night, a huge calzone and half a cookie pizza. In public, with a spaghetti strap shirt and shorts on.Oh and I got drunk from one cosmo.

People were staring, and a few made comments.
I think I started to laugh louder, and enjoy myself more because of it.

Oh and typing right now...my upper belly finally tends to rest on the table.

<3
Confident and fat
Amatix

that makes two of us

How on earth can you enjoy the idea of someone gaining and deride fat people? Perhaps it's some humiliation thing for you, but to me, and I suspect to many of us, that's just plain insulting.

Six, and I think I will pass on the orgy thing.

Stuffing part sounds good and those who want it can move into the orgy room later

I've always preferred dating larger guys, because then I wouldn't feel so big.

I have dated one guy that was smaller than me, and he made me feel good so the size difference didn't bother me.

I use to be someone else on this site, but removed everything and deleted the account. I was and am still enduring a love/hate relationship with the fat world and what I believe to be the real world. (Fat vs healthy)

Fat can be healthy, but I think a lot of people on here are not all that healthy.

When I'm horny I want to be fat, I want to eat and be full and rub my belly.

When I'm not horny, I want to be skinny, I don't want the belly. I want to be healthy and do things, get back into sports, wear smaller sized clothing, etc.