Fat experiences

Trying to go for a run and having to take a break every 300 feet or so

On some mornings i’ll wake up on my side and feel my double chin pressed against the top of my boobs, waking up to that makes my day

Now that it's summer and weather is fairly hot, I have noticed that I get sweaty a lot more easily than I used to do. Of course there could be lots of different reasons for this, but I guess the main one is weight.

Today I took the van to get it washed. At this place, which is a hand car wash, you stay in your vehicle until the very end and then step out for interior cleaning. When I returned to my vehicle, the employees had moved my seat forward, which is understandable, but they also adjusted the steering wheel from its usual tilt, which allows me to fit inside. I moved the seat back, but when I got in, my belly piled up on the wheel and blew the car horn for a solid 3 seconds. 🤣

I've piled on 30+ lbs in under the past two years and the decrease in stamina/nimbleness is wild. I just moved to the country where I like to go on walks and was reminded at how big I've gotten when I went uphill and barely made it without huffing and puffing and sweating the whole way.

Looking at new mattresses yesterday was not a happy experience. Needed my hubby to help me get off of trial lay downs as salesman watched me roll my fat body side to side…. Made a decision quickly so we could get out of the store….

I went to a little get together over the weekend and someone had a new like lawn chair swing thing, I was going to sit in it and eat my food and the person who owned it yelled out to me it has a 350 lbs weight limit, I looked down at my belly and just said yeah nah and laughed they then asked how much I did weigh and I said 480 last I checked there eyes just went big and they walked away like alright lol

As an autistic person, I struggle with spatial awareness and regularly bump into things as I can't feel where my body ends and the outside world starts.

I was obese until 10 years ago when lost half my body weight due to anorexia.

It took me a long time to mentally adjust to how much smaller my body had gotten.

In restaurants, I'd still push chairs under tables to make way for myself, until a friend of mine pointed out I didn't need to do this anymore because I was so skinny.

Having involuntary gained a significant amount of weight in the last few months, I keep underestimating how much more space my larger body takes up.

I recently moved to a smaller apartment and find it very unsettlingly when parts of my body brush against the countertop or my kitchen chairs (although the space between them is objectively very narrow).

Same with clothes...

I remember that when I was very skinny I'd look at a piece of clothing and think "this is tiny, there's no way it fits me" and often there would be room to spare.

Now, it's the opposite. I'll pick up at a pair of size 29 or 30 jeans in a store (I used to wear size 25), put it in front of me and think "this looks large enough to fit" and then I'm mortified when I can barely zip them up.

Body dysmorphia probably has something to do with this, but I feel huge and disconnected from my body.

It brings back traumatic memories of clothes shopping at my heaviest when the largest size available in regular stores was very tight or didn't fit at all.

My limbs were disproportionately large compared to my midsection, so I'd dread trying on tops (most blouses' armholes were too small so I eventually stopped trying to find one that fit) and pants (unless the fabric seemed very stretchy).

I just couldn't accept the fact that I needed to shop at a plus size clothing store...

This is why I've been procrastinating the process of going through my wardrobe to see what fits and what doesn't. IDK what to do because I need to do it (I have a lot of designer clothes that I might be able to sell to get back some money)...