General

Beautiful post.

It is hard though, catering to two different audiences who come to this site for very different reasons (and of course the bunch who come for both).

I think the only thing that can be done is make sure everyone is more aware of other people and thier reasons for being here, I think too many of us (myself included) get caught up in our own reason for being here and forget that not everyone shares this approach.

As someone who enjoys talking about fat in sexual ways, AND as someone who doesn't like a lot of the ways guys address me here, I don't think the issue is that I want something different.

Everyone has different tolerance levels for different kinds of things. There are a lot of things that upset other people that don't upset me a bit. But I am completely creeped out--and insulted--by someone who wants to know my weight and fetish preferences before we have even the most basic knowledge about each other. I mean, seriously, there are people who ask you that shit without even saying 'hi' first.

I think the real issue is this. In any community, there are going to be things that drive some people away. If women feel they aren't getting enough attention, there are plenty of active women around would tell them how to change that. If they just leave, there's nothing anyone can do. Likewise women who feel they're getting negative attention--you just need to ask if you wanna change that. If you decide to leave rather than trying, it's a perfectly fine choice, but we can't make policy around it.

Apologies for how long this is getting, but two more quick points:

1. If chat is too tame, people should start using the other rooms--I would imagine both weight gain and BDSM could be more explicit than the main room, though I haven't seen that happen in weight gain and I'm not sure why. There are spaces for more explicit chat.

2. In the four years I have been on the site daily, I have seen threads from smaller women saying they feel the site is only for very big women, and vice versa. It is really easy to feel lost in the shuffle. But actually, there is a lot of attention for traditionally beautiful slender young women growing a small little pot, a lot of attention for super-sized women, and a fair bit for everyone inbetween. Occasionally the balance goes one way or another, and I'm *totally* convinced that you can personally experience a balance away from your 'type', but overall, the balance is actually quite fair.

People who are here and wanted to be approached, need to be specific about what they want and how they want to be treated. If you want to talk about feeding, but want to be treated politely, say so.

Those who do the approaching, need to be polite, and they need to tread lightly until they know someone wants to discuss particular things.

I think everyone needs to stick around, because it does not matter how many people you are not compatible with, it is a matter of finding one or two people who you really like

This. And I think it applies to more than just dating/relationships.

I think people give up too easily. I worry about members being fragile and hurt easily, whether they do it by skulking away quietly or by getting angry and huffy. And I want to try to do things that make it feel safer for them to stay, but not at the expense of everyone's ability to chat and play.

For me, the ideal would be for everyone to hang in and work at expressing what they want and don't want. Step two, then, is to learn to walk away--and to let someone else walk away--when your needs and interests don't match.