General

Hello all,

I'm a first-time poster, but really do like the site and the positive attitude and confidence that everyone here seems to exude. It's truly beautiful.

However, the truth is, it makes me feel entirely inadequate and ashamed of myself. I'm sure this isn't the first time this has been posted, but I have so much trouble coming out of the 'fat closet' (a term I stole from a Supa Thick Mami rant on youtube). I know that I'm going to get hated on by everyone here that is so comfortable with their attraction to fat, but I have no other outlet.

I'm 23, very good looking, smart, and fun to be around. I'm headed to a top-20 law school next year and (despite the terrible economy) feel that I have a great career ahead of me. I have absolutely no problem meeting women, and have always dated girls that society would call 9's or 10's. I'm sincerely apologetic for such braggadocio, but I'm trying to put my predicament in perspective.

My problem: I've always been attracted to overweight women. I truly cannot remember a time when I did not find fat women sexy; they are always the subject of my sexual fantasies. I am instantly aroused by overweight women. However, I have never had the courage to allow myself to get very involved with a women of size because I am afraid of what the people around me would think. I'm incredibly ashamed about this issue, because I should be more confident.

It has reached the point where it seriously affects my relationships. I lack sexual desire towards my skinny girlfriends almost to the point of erectile dysfunction. I recently went out with an absolutely beautiful girl that borders on ssbbw, and she exudes sexuality and intelligence (she's also a total movie geek like me and we get along incredibly well). However, I've yet to bring her out with any of my friends or family; it would be an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved.

I truly feel like a monster, because I know that I'll break this girl's heart. I break skinny girls' hearts and destroy their confidence because I'm not sexually attracted to them, and I break fat girls' hearts and destroy their confidence because I am not comfortable being in a serious relationship with them.

How has everyone on this site dealt with these societal pressures? Any stories, advice, encouragement, perspective, or just the relation of stories would be so appreciated. I feel very lonely because of this, and I guess I could just use some people to talk to about it, as I'm sure it is not an unfamiliar situation. Both women and men are very welcome to offer perspective, but, lovely ladies, please don't take out your frustration with other silly men like me. I'm here as humbly as could be, and hope that you can understand that while I hate the way society sees big women, I still feel smothered by its pressures.

Thank you.

You need to face your fears as you would any other. How did your Dad tell you to face your fear of bicycles after you fell off one? Get back on. How do you cure your fear of diving in the deep end of the pool? By diving in. Just. Do. It.

In the meantime, however, and I mean this absolutely sincerely: you should stop dating. You have no right to hurt people while you're trying to get man enough to date the women who turn you on. Talk to a therapist, or take some valium before you take your date home, or whatever you need to do to get over yourself. But until then, stop doing damage to the kind, thoughtful people around you who have no idea how very thoughtless you are when you're dating them. I know that sounds harsh, but you are hurting real people with real feelings. Stop it.

Figure the problem out. THEN date. Simple.

You are what you are. And I generally tend to say that if some of your "friends" don't like it, then screw them. You should never apologize for what you are, because you won't be happy until you can be honest with the people you hold in the highest regard.

Though I'm probably not the best person to tell you this as I've not "Come out of the Fridge" to anyone other than two of my cousins. But seriously, if you have a girl that you enjoy being with, and that much is obvious from your description, then you should not let your social phobia hurt her.

Don't be afraid of your families reactions. Just ask yourself a few simple questions.

1) Are my friends/family open minded?
2) Are they unnecessarily cruel?
3) Are they ignorant?
4) Are they prejudiced?

The answers that you can come up with for these four questions should give you a good idea as to how they will react to your new girlfriend.

For the people who struggle with this: I know how you feel. To make it even worse, before I got together with my first girlfriend, some of my friends were even commenting on how big she was, which made it even more difficult to take the jump. But I am happy that I did (even though things did not last forever), and none of my friends commented on my choice.

There is only one good advice to give: TAKE THE JUMP! It's like jumping in cold water: you're affraid to do it, but when you do, it feels really cold for a few seconds, and that it feels so good.

Your preference will not go away, it will only grow stronger unless you admitt to it. When you truly love a big woman, all your friends will see is how much you love her, not how big she is.

@ItsMeGod: I find your comment quite cynical taking into account that you have such a hard time loving yourself as a big woman. If it is so difficult for you to love even your own body, can't you at least understand that for other people admitting they love a larger woman is a learning process as well?

I bet that this happens to a lot of people, myself included.

I have always been large, and that was easier to deal with than dating somebody who is large. My family, although loving, is judgmental and would pick on my for dating fat girls. Eventually I just said, this is me and it's going to be this way from now on, and they respected me for that.

None of my friends have ever said anything about it, and I'm open about the fact that I like BBW's. Believe it or not, I have had several guys say to me how much they like bigger women, but would never admit it to anybody else.

It's strange how concerning yourself with what the outside world thinks of who you are dating would stop you from perusing what makes you happy.

Ultimately you have to wake up beside whatever is in the bed with you in the morning.

I assure you that your attraction to larger women will not go away. Your stifling of it is just delaying the inevitable.

Best of luck.