General

well over the last few months I've gone from 84kgs (184.8lbs) to 88kgs (193.6lbs). There's a part of me that loves it and, to be straight up about it, is 'turning me on' so to speak. But most of me doesn't want it. I want to have a reasonable amount of fitness (and muscle) but definitely keep a bit of chub. But I just need some motivation to get started. But I am planning on getting a home gym, but that's once I finally get some money that I'm effectively inheriting, then move out of home, etc. (note: I want to be 82kg (180lbs), not really about the weight, just want the level of fitness and some muscle eh.)

What's your point of view on this?

in addition... now I'm having second thoughts of when I want to go have a bite/snack or something... I want to have a snack but I'm just not sure.

That is true, but I'm just wondering what some people's opinions are on the point. Have they gained a few pounds, but not liked it.

Because myself I am not a gainer, etc. I'm a FA, I admire fat on other people, but only sometimes enjoy it on myself.

Just about everyone on here goes through this. Asking advice is all well and good but the real question is "What would I feel like without this weight?"

The answer to that question is different for everyone. Take me for example, recently I lost a large amount of weight and now I feel sort of...wrong. I was definitely happier at my higher weight, but that's not for everyone.

So I'm going to give you the same advice I give everyone who comes on here with questions like this. Make an educated decision, gain a little more and take the time to appreciate it. And then, if you're still not convinced, lose the weight and take some more time to acknowledge how different you feel.

I'll be honest. I don't like fat on myself, only on my partner. Self fattening is not sexualy stimulating for me. I currently weigh 204pds, and I should sit about 175-180 for my height and build. The extra weight in my belly is making my lower back hurt, plus it makes me feel lethargic. Feeling my own belly just doesn't have the same arousing effect as feeling someone else's, I'm sure most can relate

On the other hand, I seem to have a dual mentallity. I have fantasized about having a ginormous belly that slaps my knees, and I LOVE the feeling of being completely stuffed. I suppose it's a love/hate relationship, but I just don't think fat looks good on my body.