Lifestyle tips

Being in love with a BHM is complicated. I never expected it to be as complicated as it is. It's one of those things that seemed so natural to me. I've always been attracted to very large men, dating one made perfect sense.

I am dating one now, for the first time (my first several boyfriends were all slender), and at first, it was really great. He was thrilled to have a girlfriend who was actually attracted to him, and I loved how happy that made him. But the longer we're together, the more complicated it gets. He hates being fat, always has. He's on a diet now (so far, a quite successful one), and I'm proud of him. He's very big, I'm sure it isn't healthy, and the truth is, I'd like for him to be around for a very long time.

But on the other hand, I've never been more into his size than I have this last month. Sexually, it's my button, and that's a big deal. But even more than that, there's something about it that I find so warm and comforting. Maybe it's just because I associate it with him and his warmth and love (which will of course still be there long after his belly is gone, but...). Regardless, I don't want him to lose the weight, I really don't. I keep trying to tell myself that I do, for his own sake. I support his weight-loss any way I can. But when he weighs in every week, and another four pounds of that wonderful belly is gone...I feel more sad than happy.

It isn't that it's impossible to be fat and healthy. I've known a few people who pull it off quite well, but he will never be one of them. His diet is based strictly on calories, not nutrition. He's eating less, but not necessarily well (in fact, he's eating a lot worse on the diet than he was before - a lot more fast food, a lot more fat). Even if and when he does lose all the weight, he isn't necessarily going to be particularly healthy, and I think that's part of what upsets me so much. If it were all about his health, I could feel more supportive, but as it is... *sigh*

I just don't know. I want him to be healthy, and I definitely want him to be happy. He isn't happy fat, and I can understand that. It's been a huge source of grief for him his whole life, and he's finally doing something about it, and for that, I'm very proud of him.

But...

=(


Any advice?

I know this seems like the "usual answer" to issues like this, but talk to him about it. Let him know about your concerns.

Honestly, if someone is just losing weight because of eating less of an unhealthy diet, they're not really becoming that much healthier. I'd bring that up, too.

Agree on talking to him about it. It doesn't sound like this is a sound diet. If he is not getting enough protein and not doing any weight-bearing exercise, a lot of the weight he is losing will be muscle, not fat.

Thanks, guys. It's all much appreciated...

Update, the diet is starting to fall by the wayside. He's coming up with excuses not to go to the gym, and things have been rough at work, so he's had plenty of excuse for comfort food. On the one hand, I'm not completely surprised....and a part of me is certainly not upset about it. But on the other...I'm sort of disappointed in him. I thought he was really going to stick with it this time.

I repeat, it's complicated being in love with a fat man... *sigh*

I know that this is months old... but going to add something anyway.

At some point, when he's not on a bad diet, how about talking about both of you working on the quality of what you eat, and making sure you have daily activity. Maybe you are a star at this already, but make it collective, not you lecturing him, if you possibly can.

Don't expect a perfect, sudden, change, but agree on steps to take. Maybe paying attention to salt intake first (which means cutting down on fast food and prepared foods to a fair degree usually). Salt being a kind of neutral, non-fat related, so maybe safer topic, but going lower salt tends to drive healthier choices. Then maybe reducing soft drinks in favour of more water or milk, etc.

Baby steps in the right direction, that will help him be healther and feel better in the long run. And after a year or more of baby steps, he can start feeling pretty good about the quality of what he eats, which hopefully makes him fell better about his size.

Good luck!