General

i don't even know why i'm posting this other than the fact that i kinda just want to get it out and figured i might as well do it in a community where i feel safe. also, i just received bad news regarding my health and knowing now that i may not have the same length and quality of life as everyone else, i'm starting to think about the bigger questions of life. it doesn't refer just to the men on this site, although they are part of it in my experience, but all men in general. basically, i'm pretty much at a point where i've all but given up on men. it seems no matter what i do or don't do, i'm never enough for anyone. all any guy seems to want from me these days is either just my body or my friendship, especially the former. sure it's nice being told that i'm pretty or sexy or whatever, but god i'm so tired of just being a hole for someone's dick. i'm so tired of being led on to think someone actually likes me, like all of me, for who i am, only to get me into bed with them and the next morning, i'm nothing. i'm equally tired of being led on to the point where i finally let my guard down and allow myself to be happy and trusting and think to myself "ok, it's for real this time. i really like him and he really likes me and for once, things are finally going to be ok" only to just then be given another bullshit excuse like "i'm not ready for a relationship" or "i'm just too busy for anything serious right now" or "i think we'd be better off as friends." it's basically like being told "i'm sorry, but you're just not quite good enough. sure you're great to have sex with and/or to talk to, but you're not worth any serious time or effort." this has been my love life, or lack there of, for so long now and it never gets any easier. it's been so long since i've had any kind of requited love that i don't even remember what it feels like. i don't remember what it's like to be enough for someone, to be more than enough, to have someone lie next to me and hold me and tell me how happy they are to have me, all of me. i don't want another one night stand or sex buddy or friend. i want someone who wants me, all of me; not just my body and not just my friendship. i want to know that i matter to someone, that i'm someone's everything and that they're mine too. but it seems that no man, or at least no man i come in contact with and desire, ever wants that of me. i'm starting to think that maybe no man ever will. maybe i'm just not enough for anyone. maybe i'm just not meant to be loved. that's a heartbreaking thought, so much so that i'm in tears as i write this, but every new time my heart gets broken, it seems even more true. sometimes when i see couples walking down the street hand in hand, smiling, laughing, kissing, i pretend i have someone walking next to me too and i'm just as happy as them. sometimes when i'm lying in bed awake at night, i pretend there's someone lying next to me, with their arms around me and it helps me get to sleep on those many sleepless nights. when i'm alone, as i often am aside from my friends, i dream of someone who will finally help mend my broken heart, who will make me finally feel safe, happy, and loved again, who will make me believe that love is real, and that it is within my grasp, who will make me forget that i ever thought otherwise. as i grow older though, and wiser per say, this dream becomes more of just that, just a dream, with less and less hope each day. the typical joke and stereotype is that men never want a relationship and women always do. i don't know about all women, but the part about the men seems to be true. for some reason, they never want to give any woman all of themselves or to take all of that same woman. for them, it's like an end all or something that they act like inhibits their masculinity, freedom, and happiness. is it really so much to ask? to allow yourself to, instead of just being content with being casual with multiple people, attempt at achieving true happiness by being more serious with just one person? like i said, i'd like to believe that's not true, but the more men i meet and who break my heart, the more the theory proves itself. i'm at a point now where i'm in a state of perpetual doubt and heartbreak and i don't even remember what it's like to be happy or excited about anything anymore. i'd give anything in the world to have all the love i have to give returned.

I must say, it seems you haven't met many decent men. Not every man is like that, I like to think I'm not...I've been looking for someone to give myself to, fully, for a while. But every time I open myself up it seems to invite another knife to the heart.

Heartbreak is a nasty thing, and I have some small experience with it. I like to think that there's someone for everyone out there, but the longer it takes to find the less confident of it I become. Still, we have to keep looking for that special one who completes us, no matter how many times we've been burned. Because, and maybe this is the incurable optimist in me, there's someone out there who's searching for us. And will accept us, and cherish us, for all our brokenness.

I hope you find what you're looking for in life. Love is elusive, but it's worth the long quest when you finally find it. Tell you what, I'll keep looking if you keep looking. Deal?

I'm sorry gutlovinggirl, for me personally most girls I ever met used me emotionally to make them feel good than backstab me and go with their ex even though we are dating. I've been cheated and used so many times I wish I knew what that type of love was. Most of my friends have it but I feel so alone. I know its tough, and I'm sorry you had bad experence a lot of good guys are out their. CORRECTION Their a lot of good guys who are single out there. I'm still trying to find that girl, but most girls I know look for those HOT STUD guys.

Sorry for getting off track but Your not alone Gutlovinggirl in feeling used and abused. Sorry your going though it cause I understand how bad it hurts. Funny enough I've never been kissed or got to that kinda point.

It's not so much about if men/women suck. Even the nicest people can do nasty things sometimes. It's about pain and how it's dealt with.

Pretty much go along with salts post. So many things start with "love you". Does require a bit of work though.

GutLovingGirl, your post almost bought a tear to this old bugger. Getting bad news about ones health is huge, who knows what buttons that presses, no doubt your anxiety must be all over the place.

Hearing things like, "i'm never enough for anyone", "allow myself to be happy and trusting", "maybe i'm just not enough for anyone", etc. Damn, I can't even express how sad those thoughts makes me feel, even though I know they are feelings that many have at some stage. Not easy.

How about turning things around.
Don't let a man "get me into bed". If you choose, you take him to bed. Now if you want, the next morning, kick him out of bed, no kiss no cuddle, show him the door. You can give him a few minutes to get dressed, or just chuck his clothes out the door.

Ok perhaps not the best suggestion, but the point is to try and change the patterns that bring you pain.

Awwww!

Totally understand your pain.

But here's the thing - Salt is right.

The only person who can mend your heart is you. The only person who can guarantee you happiness is you. The only person who will ALWAYS be there for you through thick and thin (haha literally and figuratively) is you.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but the only wisdom I have to pass on to younger women is just that: you make your own happiness - don't ever rely on someone else to give it to you.

When you are truly self-confident and at peace with who you are, if you also happen to find luck, love and success then that's fantastic, but those things don't make or break you. If you find a gorgeous, sincere and loving boy to make a partnership with then that's the icing on the cake, but if you don't, or if after 10 minutes/months/years of happiness he leaves/dies/disappoints you, then you still have what's inside you to rely on to get you through adversity and to become happy again.

Try this book: www.amazon.com/You-Can-Be-Happy-Scientifically/dp/0273763903. It's written by a proper professor of psychology at Oxford University so it's about scientifically proven ways to enable yourself to become happier. Little things you can do every day that make a real difference (not a bogus self-help book).

Also this. All those couples you see who seem deliriously happy? They're not. Being in a couple sometimes sucks. It's hard work and emotionally draining at times. It's compromise and negotiation all the time. It's just a different set-up to being single - it's not a panacea for all ills, it brings its own challenges and problems, and it definitely won't make you happy if you're not already. Your partner can't make things better when things go wrong, they can't always support you in the right way.

I used to think that some people really have it sorted. You see their partnership/marriage, home, job, kids, whatever, and you think they've got it right and you haven't. But I guarantee you, lift the lid on their inner workings and you'll find people who are just as screwed-up, lost, unfulfilled, but for different reasons. No-one's perfect and no partnership is perfect.

I don't mean to sound depressing, because all these things are perfectly dealable with if you have the right attitude. There's ebb and flow in life and you gotta roll with the punches, and celebrate what you have. You're gorgeous, intelligent (I can tell by the way you write) and by virtue of being on this site, probably a lot more in touch with your sexuality than a lot of women your age.

Make yourself good friends and a support network. They are more likely to be able to help you through low periods than a partner, in my experience.

Go girl! I have faith in you!!

thanks for all the support everyone. i've actually just recently met someone who i'm now in a healthy relationship with and i'm thrilled to say that things are going wonderfully. i'm very happy

I am coming late to this. I think as some of the other folks have said, you have just met the wrong people. I think you have just had a run of bad luck strange coincidence. As has also been said, you really do seem to be quite intelligent. I would be saying something more in the way of platitudes if you were not very good looking. Truth is, you haven't an ounce of ugly. I know how you feel. I will say that you are not alone. Please have faith. You are too good of a catch for a good person to keep missing.

Hurray! This is good

It's thread's like this that really make me double take myself and want to reevaluate myself as a person.

While we live in the moment, we don't always follow our morale compass and I'm no better.

I want to be better though, I don't want to hurt anyone else. I have gone back and apologized all I have ever hurt or atleast tried to, I know it wont make things better, but I do owe them that.

I wish I could be a better person, someone who is kind and caring and doesn't hurt people with my decisions. I am working on it, and I'm learning to be honest with myself and others. I'm someone who easily get's attached and builds a bond rather quick. But I can also burn them out rather quickly as well.

Being a human is difficult, We want what's best for ourselves, But also we forget the ones we involve in our own lives wish that to, and we forget to respect that and make a mutual happiness.