General

This is a very confusing topic for me. I have had bulimia in the past and even now I can have random periods of bulimic behaviour however I do love feederism and tend toward being a feedee. I am not an active gainer but the thought of being fed/stuffed by another person is quite a turn on. I have had one feeding session with a feeder which I loved but I dont think I could allow myself to do it on a regular basis. I admire BBWs, SSBBWs and people who have gained a lot of weight but at the same time I admire people who have lost a lot of weight.
Sometime I think that being a feedee(or the fantasy of) is so erotic that it is equal to the 'high' I get from restricting or purging, and thats why i can be attracted to both ends of the spectrum.
I dont think anyone who hasn't had an eating disorder can truly understand such a complex relationship with food and weight. But then again it confuses me too.
I would love to hear from anyone who is in a similar situation... if there are any.

I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I was obsessed with weight loss, nutrition, and fitness years ago and was likely underweight for my build and fitness at the time. I went through a few rounds of letting myself go, then dieting, but finally I think I have let myself go once and for all and I am happier than ever. However, I have always preferred curvy and chubby women and enjoyed female weight gain regardless of my own habits. Somehow, I think all this has some relation to being a little chubby when I was young... and loving food.

@ghoulfriend

that is cute to read haha that would be enough for me if you found me cute eating a lot sometimes :-)

and that´s generally it...

I started with admiring revenge stories "à la revenge on the mean cheerleader" type to a point where i liked to stuff myself until it hurt and i couldn´t move ...mostly i gain a few in that phase but tend back to a normal life after that but sometimes it´s getting really crazy .... and i really get chubby doing this ....

but i tell myself it´s just a sort of outbreaking desire once in a whil in the last while a little more often ....?

but it´s no eating disorder .

I never had an eating disorder I do understand that there's many triggers for people on what causes them. I believe it's mostly because of my grandmother being smart enough early on in my life to give me fruits and vegetables rather than candy and other crap. She wouldn't let me have pop when I was kid, she would give me juice, water or tea if I wanted something to drink. My grandmother was raised by her British single mother who instilled the love of tea into her.

When I hit high school I wasn't concerned with being "cool" or a skinny broomstick because I was much happier just being in the background and not being seen. I spent more time obsessing over my mind rather than my body. My sister was the one concerned with being "cool and popular" to her so called friends and she did go through a period of disordered eating because of that. I didn't really accept my fat fetish until I was in my early 20's and out of my parents' house for college the first time and even then it was still something I hid.

Yes, we are freaks we accept that. No judgements here.