General

FFAs and Female Feeders don't seem to last very long either. I've spoken to several who have deleted their accounts multiple times in the past that say it's due to really over-zealous FAs and feeders who want to talk to them about how fat they'd make them.

Da creepiness needs to stop.

How about because its not right to force fetishes on people and make them uncomfortable, ESPECIALLY when they say to stop? Like...? This isn't "my poor fap material" this is a huge issue.

^ Very true. It's not the first or last time I've heard from friends that have deleted their profiles on here, citing this same reason. Also add to pictures being stolen, and or posted elsewhere. smh

I've deleted my account in the past for the same reason. If you get enough of the creeps in your inbox it can have a really dehumanising effect...

I've thought about it a lot, and I've tried to do my part to discourage the creeps by making my intentions clear on my profile (which creeps rarely read, but I'm an optimist), and the main one is I put FAR fewer pictures of myself up on here. So I guess there's one argument for how this problem affects the quality of the site - less content for everyone to enjoy.

I think that for a lot of people/men/feeders, this is the only place that they get to indulge in their fantasies, and often wind up treating others as if they too only exist in their fantasy. I've found that, for feeders especially, they can have very little regard for the fact that I actually weigh this much ALL the time. This isn't just my fantasy; it's my life. And having that be ignored or disrespected relentlessly can turn this site into a real source of negativity, and for me it turned into something I wanted no part in.

I do want to give a shout out to everyone who's sent me a message that acknowledges my profile and me as a person. The friends I've made through this site, and the sense of community I get through these forums has made this go-round a much more positive experience!

It is policed, but it requires people reporting bad behaviour. The FF moderators (of which I used to be one) can't read every private message in chat, every message on the site, or every comment. That would be totally wrong from a privacy point of view anyway.

With the internet being what it is and this also being a sexual fetish / feeding / gaining site there will always be a sexual angle to many messages. If any member here finds that completely abhorrent I'd question why they were here in the first place. There are plenty of more 'vanilla' BBW dating sites out there for example. This site is hardly mumsnet or the womens institute!

That being said many guys (and sometimes women too) do take things too far, and that's when you should take advantage of the various red flags on profiles and comments. Or just message a moderator.

In the new site I think there will also be a block function too, so that will help.

Many women (and men) who do run away the first time often come back, so do look out for people you previously had contact with.

You can see new profiles that have joined in the previous few days under the profiles menu.

chubbyhoney made a great post above. The true answer is that the site isn't one or the other, but a hybrid. Once upon a time it was fetish-focused, but came to greatly incorporate general fat positivity as well.

There are many fetish aspects to the site, yes. It caters to feeders, feedees, mutual gainers/etc, and it doesn't just stop there, it also includes things like humiliation, squashing, pregnancy, immobility, inflation with air/water/etc, and more. As such it inevitably attracts those who come here specifically for sexual reasons and who don't care about the community aspect, which unfortunately tends to come paired with the ignorant attitudes that people have complained about in this topic.

But does that mean it should be tolerated? Nope. Just because they lurch in the door like zombies (with about the same charisma) for their sexual fix doesn't mean people can't vent about them, and it doesn't mean that they can't be shot-gunned like the undead that they mimic once they start harassing people.

The upcoming block feature will help with this, but also if anyone doesn't want someone to contact them any more, they can report them by clicking the red flag on their profile. They don't even need to give a reason other than "I don't want them to talk to me any more". And if someone is found to be breaching the 'restraining order', they will be (and are) punished, simple as that. If someone can't respect another person's boundaries, then we don't want that person on the site.

Some of the offenders have ranted back about their punishment, but if they can't act like a decent human being and respect a person saying "no", that's their problem. Despite them treating people on here like pieces of meat, this is not Burger King, they can't have it their way.

Sorry not back peddling but I think I've come across in the wrong way! Totally agree on the two different types of profiles described above. One clearly won't object to messages with a sexual tone, but I'm just saying that the other profile can't be on a site like this and not expect to receive any messages of a sexual nature. Yes this is a fat positive community, but it's also a fetish site. You can't be on a fetish site and not expect sexual content / messages.

I made a suggestion a couple of years back to Hiccupx that he change the name of the site because it has more and more members who aren't into the fetish side of things. He was absolutely 100% against that idea, and said the site is and will always be primarily a fetish site, but one that now incorporates a fat positive element too.

Of course people here just for the fat positive element shouldn't have to put up with overtly sexual messages, but that's what the red flags and in future the block features are for. What I'm saying is that you can't be on a site like this and not expect receiving a few messages of a sexual nature.

I'll use a real life example of what I mean. It's a bit like going to a nightclub and not expecting to find / see any drunk people. It's just not going to happen. If you don't want to see any drunk people then go to a coffee shop.

OK but you're still far more likely to get your ass grabbed (as wrong as that is) in a nightclub than you are a coffee shop.

It's wrong, we all know that, but going back to this site it's just the way things are / always will given the nature of the sites content. Doesn't make it right at all, but it will happen, and to think that it won't, that would be naive.

I think it's worth making a distinction between receiving individual messages and being harassed. Harassment happens when someone repeats an offensive/disturbing/annoying action. That should in no way, shape, or form be tolerated or expected to be on this site. It seems to me that everyone pretty much agrees on this. Right? If you don't, sort your sh*t out and learn to think like a human being.

The other kind of message that I think many of us are complaining about is the offensive, annoying, or disturbing individual messages we receive.

As much as I detest them, I do expect to receive these one-off messages from people that broach topics I do not wish to discuss. Even though I explicitly state I don't want messages of a certain nature on my profile, I don't expect everyone to read it, and this IS a fetish site. And I'm glad it's a fetish site! So while I do find some of these messages offensive, I don't believe they're grounds for reporting someone.

However, that does mean I have no way of dealing with this annoyance, (which would be the same on any dating site), and the onslaught of objectification has caused me to cancel my account before, this overall issue and it's impact on people rapidly withdrawing from FF is really a much larger issue of sexism and society, which we're unlikely to solve at this moment.

Hooray! At last someone who can understand my point / see where I'm coming from. Thank you!

Also re the harassment thing, yeah that's awful and I've had friends here who have been subjected to it. It can really get quite scary at times. Not good at all, and thankfully the site comes down hard on these people when it's within their control (i.e. harassment via this site).