Today, after only ~20 YEARS of silence on the topic (I'm 33), I revealed in detail to another real-life person my interests in fatness and weight gain. In all that time, the most I've said about this to anyone (my friends) is I *tend* to prefer big girls. They teased me about it, likely because they've been culturally brainwashed into thinking supermodels are the pinnacle of human beauty when in actuality they are freakishly tall, freakishly thin, and--to be charitable--resemble vaguely attractive space aliens.
I must admit that the person I told this to was my psychiatrist. I also know that many people aren't as inhibited or inward as me about their sexual predilections, so this is not very impressive. For me, however, this is a huge milestone. 20 years is a long time to keep such a deeply personal but critically important secret from EVERYONE in your life because you're too shy, embarrassed, sensitive, guilty, ashamed, and conflicted. But you know what? We're mortal. Is it not better to live a life of authenticity and risk being rejected for it, than to tie ourselves in knots willfully conforming ourselves to the expectations of others?
My psychiatrist reacted favorably, because he is open-minded and awesome. It just felt good to tell someone face-to-face... finally.
This place is such a wonderful resource. I don't know what I would've done if I never became aware that other people (lots of people!) have similar interests... probably would've just gotten more lonely, more isolated, and might not be here to share this experience. I love you all.
- Jesse
8 years
