Like you, I'm an enabler/encourager. If she wants to "1000 calories a day should be enough!" then I help her with that. But the moment she says "do we have chips?", I'm going to give them to her.
She doesn't like weight gain, often says she doesn't like her body this way, but over the course of our marriage she has basically done this eating thing.
To be done with that feeling you describe, I just told her last year. When I had made clear I like her with more meat on her and it came to dieting, I said that I have no problem supporting her, but that I don't want to be the food police. That when she asks for ice cream, she's going to get ice cream. The responsibilty for her weight management should be with her.
I just make the path of least resistance, which she likes to take, as enjoyable and tempting as possible. Never any negative comments on her eating. Display of love and affection for how she looks. Combined with the fact that eating is more fun than being on a diet, she keeps taking that path of least resistance.
Another thing that comes into play is that there are XXXX options:
1. She diets, remains more or less overweight, and dieting makes her feel miserable for missing out
2. She diets, loses lots of weight, but can't go back to enjoying food -- so she feel miserable about missing out
3. She doesn't diet, eats how she wants, and gains weight -- so she hates her body with some regularity
I don't think there is a scenario where a woman can be 100% happy with the weight/food balance.
5 years
