Fat experiences

You know you're fat when you can feel your belly jiggle against your thighs as you waddle around

It took me a second to realize what that sensation was but it was very arousing when the full weight of the situation set in (no pun intended). I've gotten so fat that I've graduated from belly hang to full on apron.

When you try to jog and your fat bouncing around throws you off balance

When just doing up your shoelaces becomes one of life's greatest challenges.

That's quite an event for someone 38G

You buy a bigger purse just so you can sneak more snacks to work.

When you walk through the zoo and the elephants hurl peanuts at you

Its a Rodney Dangerfield joke

You know you're fat when you can touch your toes with your belly.

I got a bit of a reminder that I am fat this morning while I was laying on my back in bed. I realized that my belly seemed flatter and wasn't sticking up as high as it had been. I commented to my wife that maybe I have lost some weight. She laughed and explained that I am simply sinking further into the mattress probably having gained weight over the holidays. I should have known that. For the past several weeks, I have been checking the size of pants that I am selecting from the hangers to make sure that I am picking the 48-inch waist pants instead of the 46-inch waist pants (they all have the expandable waistband to allow me the fantasy that I am not rounder than 50 inches). I actually started thinking that maybe it is time to order some 50s, but my wife would kill me. She already tries to limit my intake and won't let me have any ice cream if I haven't finished my cake.