General

I can't speak to the psychology as everyone is different, but welcome back. May you find the support, fun, and admiration you're looking for here. I've no doubt you're a wonderful woman to converse with and hope any upcoming journey is a good one for you.

Well this totally nailed it on the head for me. The first couple times I allowed myself to gain a few pounds felt exactly the same as what you described, until one day, several years down that road I decided to go for it. I haven’t had anxiety about any of the weight I’ve gained since then. I went from under 200 to over 300 and may gain more still, but every step of the way I’ve done it in whatever increments have felt beat to me at those times.

I have to add that the fringe benefits of having learned to listen to myself through those years and now have been insanely immeasurably good for me! Along with 100 lbs I also gained a huge amount of inner strength and fortitude, and I got to get fat with conviction and that has made everything both easier and more enjoyable than I ever had imagined.

Best of luck on your journey, whichever way it takes you!

This happens because comments and compliments are basically meaningless. Anyone can say "You look great" and whatever, but since it's all online, you're still doing it all alone.

The thought of going through it by yourself is more than most people can take when reality sets in.

You need more than just compliments and encouragement from people who generally see you like a piece of meat in the long run. They don't care if you delete your account because there's always someone else to comment on.

If you want to beat the anxiety when it comes to this stuff, you need to find someone who cares about you as much as your progress. Otherwise, that lingering self-doubt in the back of your mind will never really go away.