Zelda64:
Hello so I am starting to think that I seriously want to be in a relationship that involves Feederism. I fall into the feeder category but my fear is that whenever I see a guy I�m attracted to instantly feel aroused. Like just the thought of them and how they are fat just turns me on. It�s like I don�t even think about the person themselves and it makes me feel terrible because I fear that I would just be incapable to be in a relationship with this fetish in my life. Like the thought of whom I was with would instantly arouse me and would I even think of them as a person. This makes me feel like a terrible person.
I would really love some advice on this? Am I overthinking or underestimating myself. I am also a virgin and have never been any relationship btw!
Hi Zelda,
It's completely wonderful if the thought of your crush instantly arouses you. This is the stuff that songs and movies are made of. In the mainstream it's the thought of how "hot" (thin, symmetrical) the crush is, and in our fetish it's the thought of how fat the crush is, or will become, or will make us get.
Constant lectures by strident harridans run amok have unnecessarily shamed you for your totally acceptable and in fact delightful feelings of sexual attraction.
The fact is that seeing someone "as a person" includes seeing their body. I mean, their clothed body if you aren't past that point with them, but most really fat people will appear really fat at a glance. Their fat is part of who they are "as a person."
And if I am to see you "as a person," that includes your fetish where certain bodies are unspeakably attractive to you. Your strong sexual attraction to certain fat men is as much a part of you, to be respected and celebrated, as literally any other aspect of who you are.
This website should be lifting you up, supporting you, helping you having fun with your newfound kink.
Shame on anyone whose hideous self-righteous carping has made you think that this fetish makes a relationship impossible. Quite the opposite is the case.
Mutual sexual attraction, including in the form of compatible fetishes, or one fetishist and someone compatible who is (to quote Dan Savage) giving and game...is one of the big factors in building a strong relationship. It's the lack of sexual attraction that's far more likely to make a relationship unsustainable (though not always, shout-out to the aces).
Here are some ideas for you. Note that each of these ideas has also been suggested by many non-fetishists in totally mainstream contexts as well. So anyone who wants to kink-shame me for suggesting these can suck an ice cream cone.
- ask your crush what they did over the weekend, then ask follow-up questions to learn more about anything you're curious about, such as what they ate
- bake cookies to share, in a context where your crush might be one of the people sharing them
- ask your crush out to dinner. For example, if there's a new restaurant that you want to try...
- pay attention and remember things about your crush, such as any likes or dislikes, how many cream and sugar they like in their coffee, and so on, so that if you get the chance to offer something they like, you'll know how
