General

So a while now I have been thinking that there is a possibility I might be Asexual am not sure. I have absolutely have nothing against asexual people and even have a friend who is. I just really do not want to be as I want to be able to have a happy sex life and if I am asexual then it can make future relationships much more difficult.



I knew about 3 years ago I was gay (I'm 18 now) and was confident in that and now I am so confused. So basically I do very often find guys hot and am able to get turned on by guys and get aroused by them. (yah know chubby guys and the sort). I even would have feelings of wanting to be intimate with them but not sure if I wanted sex. I would literally see some guys and get instantly aroused and have feelings of just wanting to jump onto them. Like I don't get aroused by thinking of having sex with them though. I still find sex to be a little gross (fluids and genitalia) at 18 years old and find it to be extremely scary. Like being that close and intimate with someone terrifies me and thinking about it gives me so much anxiety.



I truly do think I could very well enjoy sex when I have it when day but, I second guess that sometimes as I am still a virgin. I think I could possibly start craving actual sex with the guys I get turned on instead of the confusing strong sexual feelings of just wanting to be close. Like those feelings of getting close, I get the string urge to do something to them or with them but, my mind does not what those actions would be. Like I find it confusing of how can I crave to have sex, if I have never felt the pleasures of it. Like how would my body miss or crave something it never has experienced.



some additional info, I do not masturbate or watch typical porn as I do not get anything out of them personally. The only porn I watch involves this fetish. I know neither of these things indicate if I'm ace or not as asexuals do occasionally partake in these activities. I also tend to overthink things a lot as I am very certain I have OCD. I am not diagnosed but, I do many signs of it and have believed I was other things that were not true but, the OCD tried to convince me otherwise. I think there is a chance I could be over reacting to all of this as this has been the only thing going in in my mind the last week. I actually last night got no sleep because I was afraid I was asexual and would never have an enjoyable sex life.



I actually ran a poll before explaining all of this and most people thought I was not asexual but, rather had to experience sex in order to begin craving it from others. People even said the same thing on AVEN and I do not even know what to think? Like when I started to be intimate with someone, nature would take over and I would have the natural urge to want sex and overlook the things i currently think are a bit gross. (BTW i know asexuals get told a lot, how do you know your asexual if you have never had sex before but, this might be my case but, once again im not sure). I am a wreck thinking about this endlessly and I really hope I am not ace. Like I just hope when I am in my first relationship with a guy I love and find attractive I will want to have sex and the natural desire will be there. But, i am scared I am in denial about being asexual as well? so If anyone has any advice or insight into this I would seriously appreciate it.

It’s not that I want to be gay it’s that I’m not fully sure I am. Like it’s not like I have zero desire for sex it’s just that I feel weird about having it

Okay let's start with the fact that even if you were ace, which it doesn't sound like at all, it is still perfectly possible to have a sexual relationship with your partner, if you actually look up other aces and their stories you'll see that there a plenty who do have sex with their partner.

Now it sounds like you'd be at most Gray-ace and even that I'm doubting.

Being ace generally means you don't have the sexual attraction to anyone and the fact you say there are guys who turn you on and who you'd like to have sex with pretty much on sight disproves that.

Sounds like me that you might just 've a bit nervous, which is nothing odd and will be less of a problem when you find the right guy.

Hope this helps!

Sexuality is something so diverse, we still don't know everything there is about it. It's normal to go through different phases to figure out what you like. It's okay to be anxious and nervous when trying new things, but in order to figure out what you like you'd need to experiment. Life is filled with risks, and challenges.

I would have to say yes it is normal.
Don't worry if you are or aren't asexual. That really doesn't really matter. Just build friendships and have people to share your life and experiences with.
When you mentioned about thinking "sex" was gross. If you actually think about it, it is. And that would be for any form of it. So that is a normal feeling. Yes, yes usually kids react that way because they want nothing to do with the opposite sex.
But, as we all age, we gain the wisdom of wanting to learn more about the person. What I have always loved is getting to know someone. The true beauty of a person is inner. So you need to learn more about the persons mind, heart and soul.
So that would be more of an asexual thing. But if you all got more in touch with that, the word as a whole would be a better place.
I have evolved a lot in my 47 years of life. And I still want to learn more about myself, others and the world. You should do the same thing and you probably would like the results.

Spend less time at trying to pin it down, at trying to define it. Finding the exact label just isn't that important.

Just live. See what happens from one unique situation to another, from one specific relationship to another. It might be that you have no such desire in general but with THAT GUY it's all different....but only on weekends....

Stop overthinking it. Instead, go with the idea that it is what it is in that moment.

You really don't need to pin yourself down right now

I’ve “known” since I was 15. Everyone has their kinks; I just wear mine 24/7