Deidra:
I wrestle with the whole "got my boyfriend / husband fat" thread because it suggests it is primarily our doing. My boyfriend had a little belly before we started dating. He likes to eat. Yes, I cook good meals and yes I think he looks good bigger. But he hits fast food when I'm not around, and so it's not like I'm forcing him to eat. My brother always was skinny and now is getting big. My Mom blames his fiance. I look at the large folks in my family and think he's just following suit. I hope this doesn't come off as ranting. I'm not. It's just complicated.
I totally get your point. The communities around this kink are often dominated by the voices of feeders, so it can sound like the feeders do everything. Add in the cultural assumptions about the woman in a het couple setting both the 'moral' tone of the relationship and controlling the food, and everything aligns to say "She made him that way."
But obviously plenty of guys get fat who have wives who would prefer that they didn't (I'm one). Guys are plenty capable of getting fat of their own volition.
Of course, if he wants to get fat or is just naturally inclined that way and she wants him to get fat, it gets hard to seperate who is responsible for what. But for sure ignoring the gaining agency that husbands/boyfriends have is silly.
