General

In following video, a sexy clothed woman complains about men's attitude in the street: .

My answer:

I wish I were in her place (with women staring at me.) I am very happy when a woman acts like that with me. But it is not common. Women are so lucky. It is normal for them to dress this way (and by the way, being watched is the purpose of this dressing.) As a man however, I have to break the societal rules on a very, very shocking way, and I do that although I was a teacher for 17 months (in a small town where everybody knows you.) On uncommon fetish websites, there are 80% men and 20% women: too bad for heterosexual men. Women get typically 100 likes and 10 loving comments for each pic, whereas men get typically no comment and two likes, in general from homosexual men (in this context also, some women don’t realize the luck they have and behave on a very bad way.) It is OK, I deal with it, I am happy with what I have, even if in our society, it would have been much more exciting if I were born a woman. I respect the few women who admire me and I am grateful for them. But I have no comprehension for women who spit on the luck they have.

PS: I don't know if I am a heterosexual man or in fact a lesbian woman within a man body (sometimes I ask myself this question.)

@SahX

No, I never said molested, stalked and so on. But when I wear a “crop top” (unfortunately it doesn’t exist for men, but let we say an “accidentally” too short shirt), I permanently examine the reactions of women. The purpose of my outfit is to arouse the interest of women. When I don’t want it, then I wear a long shirt which hides my belly. I would never dress sexy and then complain about the reactions of women. The girl on the video wears a crop top and a miniskirt. Normally, women wearing this outfit want to arouse the interest of men or lesbian women, because it is an incredible pleasure for them to do that, as it is an incredible pleasure for me to be stared at by women (either admired or fat shamed by the way). If the girl on the video doesn’t want it, then she shouldn’t wear a crop top and a miniskirt. Maybe I should soon transition to a woman and enjoy myself the possibility to dress sexy without shocking the society, a luck that some cis women had naturally but didn’t want.

The word “mansplaining” is an unfair way to forbid men to express their views. Women also tell their opinion about some men, and it’s their right. It should work in both directions. But maybe the only thing I (still?) have from men is the body, since I could be a lesbian transwoman, so I am not concerned by the word “mansplaining”, perhaps we should say “womansplaining” in my case? I am a feminist, but a liberal one, not a conservative one. I don’t think for example that women dressing sexy degrade the image of women, instead I believe that men should do the same. In my view, conservatism is a deviation of feminism, and I regularly criticize this pseudo-feminism.

First of all, I highly doubt that the main goal of women wearing anything in order to draw people's attention. They dress this way or that because they like that garment on themselves and make them feel good-pretty.

When you say that a woman has an outfit "to arouse interest of men or lesbian women" or "to be stared at", I totally disagree with you. You are saying, basically, that a woman wearing any type of outfit is an attention-seeker or wants to arouse people; so if she is annoyed, stalked, whistled at or even worse, it's her fault because she asked for it. A woman should wear an sort of outfit (sexy or not) and not be seen as an object or temptress by men (because let's face it, nine times out of ten, we are the morons).

To be complete, I would agree with something.I can see one, and only one, situation when a woman or someone in general, would wear something to draw attention and more: it would be in private with their SO. But even in that situation, the main reason for them to wear something is that it makes them feel good.

So women always dress to find guys? They can't just wear an outfit because they just like it?

Well I am not; if I sounded like I was doing that, it's too bad but I won't apologise for making my point clear and saying that the original post made me uncomfortable.

@Philoadeps: For the following, I can speak only for me.

“They dress this way or that because they like that garment on themselves and make them feel good-pretty”

My clothes would have no importance if there were no inhabitants who react when they see me.

“so if she is annoyed, stalked, whistled at or even worse, it's her fault because she asked for it”

No, I never wrote that. I ask for being watched, complimented, admired, smiled at, and so on. When I dress sexy then I can't complain if THIS happens.

“and not be seen as an object”

I love being “reduced to my body”, “being fetishized”, and I don’t think it means that people then consider I am not a person.

“I can see one, and only one, situation when a woman or someone in general, would wear something to draw attention and more: it would be in private with their SO”

It is the worst situation for me. I can’t understand why someone wants to settle. It means the end of love. It already happened to me: there was no flirt, no glances, no smiles, no Fantasyfeeder, no comprehension for my fat fetish I was expected to give up, sex I didn’t want, the renunciation of all women in the world but one single.

@Ace of spadez: I don’t have the good body. That’s not the only “disadvantage” of being a woman that I desire for myself.

I get why some men might feel jealous of the attention some women get, but also keep in mind that attention doesn't just come in compliments. It also comes in threats and scary situations. It comes in people on the street yelling at you until you take your headphones off to tell you you look nice when you really are just trying to get to the grocery store. It comes in men grabbing your ass while you jog even if you don't want your body touched. In extreme cases, it comes in sexual abuse (though, the things I already mentioned probably fall under that too), rape, or murder.

Attention isn't just complements, it's you being a target. And it's honestly near impossible to tell who are the "good guys" and who are the "bad guys" because both often look and act the same until you are alone with them and thus potentially in danger. I do believe a good %90 of men are the "good guys" but the other %10 are terrifying if not life threatening so it's hard to see so much attention as a positive when chances are plenty likely that every woman has talked to many men who would rape, hurt, or kill them if they got into certain situations.

This, of course, isn't new or unique to women. John Lennon had millions if not billions of adoring fans. And many who wanted him dead. And one who succeeded.

That all being said, it's fine and great if you would like "good" attention, plenty of people of all genders do. Just be aware that there is a dark side to it and that's why many women sure don't feel lucky about it, that they'd rather do away with the good so they never had to worry about the bad.

People want what they don't have, often because when you don't have it it's really hard to see the good stuff and not the bad stuff. That goes for this too; many women look jealously at men not getting catcalled while many men look at women jealously for getting likes on websites, and so on.

This thread exists due to an absence of an understanding of gender power dynamics. Education is failing men and it is failing women.

@Its Bubba Jay

All about being assaulted, killed, having acid thrown in the face is off topic here. Life has risks, fortunately these extreme disasters don’t happen often and in general not within populations where women are allowed to dress sexy. They can also happen to men. But we can live our daily life without having to fear this to happen.

About patriarchy: in the last centuries/millenniums, there was a time when women were strongly oppressed. But especially during the last decades, this situation significantly improved in the part of the world which came out of middle age. Dressing sexy has nothing to do with patriarchy, on the contrary it is deliverance from patriarchy and its conservativeness.



It also happens to me because of my weight, and I love it.



It happened to me.



I love being fetishized and that people use my photos for their sexual gratifications. I used to weight 128 lbs (for 175 cm), then I gained 143 lbs deliberately, for sexual reasons. All what then happened was just what I wanted. It is forbidden to steal photos, but all my own photos are free. You can post them overall where you want. They are not only on Fantasyfeeder. I posted them overall where I could (for example on Tumblr that you mention.) See my pictures, there is also a degrading comment, that’s my masochistic side. Sometimes these are comments you already find on pictures with fat women: I also wanted my “Damn you, genetics!”, “The beach, not for everyone!” or “Look delicious or eat delicious, you decide!” pics, so I made them. I wrote to pro-ana websites so that people who want to be skinny use my photos as “reverse thinspo” (a motivation to diet.) I wrote to a bodybuilding forum (where they fat shame fat people) for a similar reason. I wrote to “People of Walmart” (unfortunately, there is no Walmart where I live so they weren’t interested.) I want my photos and videos to have a good place on Google. And I am very happy when other people make photos of me. It happened several times with admirers of me (ex students), and maybe also for shaming, but I’m not sure.



I’m sorry you used this way to respond me.

I did it. Since January 2020, I live a social life as a woman (pre-HRT, only with make-up and women’s clothes but I look very feminine). I see how many men look at me. I very often get compliments and I am often chatted up. It’s so marvelous to see the reflectance of its own beauty in the men’s eyes. It was a surprise, since I thought that only in the fat fetishism community people would find me beautiful. In fact, I see that many men are attracted to me, and I live in France, which I thought to be the worst country for the cult of thinness. In about 1 to 3 cases, when men know my body context, it’s still OK (that’s surprisingly huge!).

On one hand, it is amazing, flattering. I am euphoric, especially when I think about my past when my attractiveness (men excluded) was near to zero. Even before I said that I am a fat fetishist. But in addition, because of cultural reasons, being socially a fat fetishist heterosexual man today is a no go. In the fat fetishism community, there are 90% men and 10% women. In addition, the 10% women are accepted outside of the community (and why travelling 500km when your neighbors love you?), whereas the 90% men are not. In my experience, they are considered as perverse. And I see plenty blogs of fat women complaining about being loved by fat admirers, what they find as scarring as that people mock them. The fat fetishism community is a huge sea of men who will be single forever and dragged down into the mud for their sexual preference. This is not true for homosexual men. By the way, in my town, when I still lived a social life as a man, I noticed that while I didn’t attract women, I attracted homosexual men. For example: 5mn conversation with a man in a bar and it turned out he was a homosexual man who admired me. Wow! My fat fetishism was not a problem for them and sometimes it turned them on. In fact, whatever I do, I am loved by men.

On the other hand, it’s not all easy. During the night, cars sometimes slow down at me or even stop for a while. I am often harassed in night clubs. But I see cisgender women defending me. Cisgender women spoil me as if they had a personal reason to support me.