Gaining

yes, i have gained some more.

stuff has changed over the last few months... i have had to change cities for work, and my girlfriend was not able to move with me due to her work. we have tried to keep things going long-distance but it is tough. i don't think either of us are really happy with the situation.

work and moving (and basically ... life! lol) has kept me really busy. i remain sedentary, i am eating and drinking too much, and yeah, my clothes continue to shrink on me somehow.

i have reconnected with some old friends, fit ones from my previous life as a gym nut. they have been trying to encourage me to return to the gym now that it is open again, but to be honest, i don't want to. not only an i not interested because of the pandemic, but i just can't see myself there as a fat guy.

the thought of being there with a fit, strong guy (who i used to have the same physique as) to compare myself to, now that i am totally out of shape, is kind of arousing... the embarrassment and humiliation appeals as a fantasy, but i don't think i could bring myself to really do it...

not sure if this belongs in the same thread, but i thought i would post it here since it is basically an update to the story i've already told here...

it's been four months since i moved & split with my girlfriend... and in that time i hit 300 lbs. officially double my original weight.

out of desperation to socialize in some way, i reconnected with an old ex-boyfriend of mine. we were together about six years ago, not for long, maybe 4-6 months? we were gym buddies, both fit at that time. i told him i had put on a bunch of weight. eventually i invited him over for dinner.

he was pretty shocked when he saw me - clearly what he had seen on our calls did not give him a good indication of my actual fattness, lol. he looked exactly the same - maybe leaner.

we had drinks, caught up. he offered to help me work off the weight at his home gym, but i declined and told him i wasn't interested in the gym anymore. dinner arrived, indian food with lots of naan (my favorite). i got quite a bit of selection because i didn't know what he would like. he ate hardly anything, mostly protein, in stark contrast to my orgy of gobbling! he didn't touch the naan, big flatbread twice the size of a dinner plate... i used them to soak up the sauces.

he said, "well i can see how you got so fat," lol! and about the "mmmm" sounds i made while eating, he said "it sounds like you are making love" which probably made me blush.

after dinner we had more drinks and opened up more. we have both had tough times during the pandemic, and it was nice for us both to share i think.

i asked to see his stomach - he had visible abs so he was in even better shape than when we were together before. to reciprocate, i took off my shirt and showed him my "one giant ab" lol. he felt how soft it was, and even reached underneath to heft it and feel how heavy it was.

it was actually a really wonderful experience. we got together one more time after that, and it was nice to be physical with someone (i'll spare you the details!). he clearly isn't a fat admirer so we probably won't hook up again, which is fine (he is an ex for a reason after all) but honestly, it was nice just to have that experience. especially knowing that it could be a long time before i get to experience something like that again.

just typing this has made me hungry... time for something to eat!

Sorry you split with your girlfriend. What happened? If that isn’t too personal. Has the split changed your eating habits any?

I am happy you could reconnect with your ex, even briefly. You seem such a hedonist that you need physical relations. I could be wrong about that, and I hope you find happiness.

no, it is ok - we split because i had to move for work. we tried to figure out something, but opted to split rather than suffer thru a long-distance relationship. so it was amicable, and we are still friendly - we have even shared dating stories, lol. so it's ok, but i do miss the closeness that we shared (not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, etc.).

your comment about being a hedonist surprised me a little bit, and then i sat back and thought about it for a bit... and yes, i think you are right, there is a strong aspect of that in me! not in that extreme sense of "pleasure at the expense of all other things," but definitely at this point of my life i regularly consider the effort vs enjoyment equation. it's one of the reasons i keep getting fatter, i am sure!

i know! in talking with friends over the last few months, since i split with my ex (that pretty nurse), i have been asked, "so when are you going to start eating right, and get back into exercise, etc.?"

i have written in this tread before about how i just can't face going to the gym and facing the embarrassment of that, compared to how i used to be, so that is one thing.

the other thing i have been reflecting on is how my ex really did "school" me on the joy of food and eating. i used to eat as a perfunctory task, making sure i got the right protein, not too many carbs, etc... but she taught me how to really enjoy and delight in the flavours, scents and textures of food. honestly she turned me into a foodie, throwing aside caloric concerns for the sheer enjoyment of eating, regardless of the consequences.

so yeah... that is how she trained me, and made me a slave to my tummy, lol!

Wow, this thread is such a good read!

so last night i went on my first "real" date as a fat guy, with someone who considers themself a fat admirer...

dating is weird right now because of the pandemic, so it wasn't what i would consider a normal date (dinner at a restaurant, or drinks at a bar, etc.), but we did get to spend some time in close proximity to one another, after a few weeks of voice/video chatting. it went really well, and i am looking forward to spending more time with her.

it has been such a weird year, in every way for me. i started the year in a great relationship, feeling like i had "arrived" as a fat guy. i would never have predicted how this year has gone - ending that relationship, moving cities during a pandemic, gaining a bunch more weight... and now dating again for the first time in a few years.

i guess the important thing is making it thru 2020 healthy & well. and there's still a little time to finishing off the year with some celebratory feasting!

cheers everyone!

i got home sort of late last night from a date with my new girlfriend (can i call her that already? we've been seeing a lot of each other for the last few weeks, so i think so)... and something happened i thought i would share.

it kind of highlights how my lifestyle/mindset has changed, and why i am still fat (and probably getting fatter, lol)...

we'd had dinner a couple hours earlier at her place... i was not hungry at all when i got home, but when i arrived i discovered a pizza box with 4 slices of pizza left in it...

well, even though i wasn't hungry, i couldn't let those slices go to waste, could i? so... i ate them.

the folks i live with who'd left the pizza weren't too happy when they discovered i'd finished their leftovers, but i don't think they were too surprised either.

there are very few left-overs here.

well, i have gotten a little heavier. when i have time i will have to start a fresh post...

i know... that has been the surprising thing for me, too. i kind of expected to lose some weight, not gain more, and keep gaining more.