Lifestyle tips

Domme ffa looking for guidance

So, I find myself in the really silly position of having enjoyed this kink from the outside for the last 20 years, but only within the last 6 months having reconciled the fact that people can actually *want* to join in with me on this, and that they have every right to do what they want with their bodies.

So far, so good.

Issue comes when combining feedism with BDSM. I have been stupidly, ridiculously and insanely lucky to find someone I rather fancy, who for reasons known only to himself rather fancies me back. However, we are both interested in combining this with light D/s.

I am totally paranoid about safety in kink. Which is one of the reasons it has taken me so long to get to a space I'm even comfortable talking about this kink, let alone actioning it.

From previous experience as a domme, and knowing that I'm reasonably good at D/s and getting people to relax into it, I am concerned that if the gentleman concerned reaches sub-space (big if), I don't know what to look out for from a feedism perspective to pre-empt things going badly wrong, if he is unable to fully communicate limits in the moment.

So I guess that is what I'm looking for - how do I keep my play partner safe while enabling him to submit to me, and pushing his boundaries re feeding/bloating as per his request?
3 years

Domme ffa looking for guidance

Just take it slow, feeding him until he says he has had enough, dominating him until he feels it is uncomfortable. Ask him to go slow with you and keep communicating clearly to you regarding what he enjoys and what he doesn't. As you build up trust over time, he will feel more and more comfortable and you will to as you explore the limits of your shared desires.
3 years

Domme ffa looking for guidance

Thank you. If it comes to a point where he's not able to communicate, pull back rather than push until I understand what the physical limits are. Thank you, much appreciated smiley

BigFA:
Just take it slow, feeding him until he says he has had enough, dominating him until he feels it is uncomfortable. Ask him to go slow with you and keep communicating clearly to you regarding what he enjoys and what he doesn't. As you build up trust over time, he will feel more and more comfortable and you will to as you explore the limits of your shared desires.
3 years

Domme ffa looking for guidance

Thank you - hopefully I will get it right. It's ridiculous, ask me to tie someone or rig something, or play with pretty much anything other than this and I am chill because I have the experience. And this, this I go into absolute panic that I will get something wrong and hurt someone. My brain!
3 years

Domme ffa looking for guidance

cerditto:
Congratulations! It seems you are living the dream, even if it might be making you anxious. Wilde's famous two tragedies...

As a subby piggy, I'd say try D/s dynamic with him with other kinks which you feel more at home or comfortable. In that way you can know him better, know how he is at communicating, to know what are his non-verbal cues, and more importantly, to learn how much he knows him self and how much he can recognize his own limits. I know it would not as fun as going to the feeding thing, but it would give a better sense how he behaves when in a sub space.


Thank you so much for your perspective! I really like the idea of playing in a space I'm comfortable with and incorporating some feedist stuff rather than pushing straight into that. I really just want to do this as best as I possibly can... Very much D/s not S/m which makes some of this slightly more difficult as while I like pain etc, its pain for an end goal and one i can control.

Meh rambling now. Bath and bed for me. Thanks again
3 years

Domme ffa looking for guidance

As a Dom myself, I would say reading your partner's non-verbal cues is something will help you the most if you are worried about him not being able to communicate. Personally, I would say operate in a space you are comfortable with to learn his cues first. You can even dress it up as training if you'd like. And then introduce feedism type stuff when you are comfortable and trust each other a good deal. That is half the battle with great D/S relationships, trust. The other half is communication. So also listen to him as well, see where he is at and what he wants to do and try.

As for myself, I think you got this. Caring Doms are the best type. I could see why this gentleman fancies you. 😁👍
3 years

Domme ffa looking for guidance

TheDemolitionMann:
As a Dom myself, I would say reading your partner's non-verbal cues is something will help you the most if you are worried about him not being able to communicate. Personally, I would say operate in a space you are comfortable with to learn his cues first. You can even dress it up as training if you'd like. And then introduce feedism type stuff when you are comfortable and trust each other a good deal. That is half the battle with great D/S relationships, trust. The other half is communication. So also listen to him as well, see where he is at and what he wants to do and try.


Thank you. I really appreciate this... In a way "carry on as you normally would" (because this is what I'd normally do without the feedist aspect) is an extreme relief. And thank you also for understanding the core issue and setting my mind at ease.
3 years

Domme ffa looking for guidance

TheDemolitionMann:
As a Dom myself, I would say reading your partner's non-verbal cues is something will help you the most if you are worried about him not being able to communicate. Personally, I would say operate in a space you are comfortable with to learn his cues first. You can even dress it up as training if you'd like. And then introduce feedism type stuff when you are comfortable and trust each other a good deal. That is half the battle with great D/S relationships, trust. The other half is communication. So also listen to him as well, see where he is at and what he wants to do and try.

Chrissmithy:
Thank you. I really appreciate this... In a way "carry on as you normally would" (because this is what I'd normally do without the feedist aspect) is an extreme relief. And thank you also for understanding the core issue and setting my mind at ease.


No problem at all. Exactly carry on as you would but with the mindset that feedism will eventually make its debut, if you will. I get the sense you don't want to go in guns ablazing because in kink play people can literally die if you are not safe and careful. Additionally, going too hard the first time may leave your sub disappointed with subsequent sessions which leads to pushing harder which can lead to injury.

Perhaps set up a non-verbal safeword if you will. My partner and I have a safeword and if she cannot speak, a physical indicator as well just in case cause, sometimes Doms can get a little lost in the sauce as well. But learning what makes your partner tick, allows you as the Dom to do what you do best. And it seems like you know how to do a good chunk of that as well as what to look for. So I think you got this, and he will be quite happy with your treatment of him.
3 years

Domme ffa looking for guidance

TheDemolitionMann:
As a Dom myself, I would say reading your partner's non-verbal cues is something will help you the most if you are worried about him not being able to communicate. Personally, I would say operate in a space you are comfortable with to learn his cues first. You can even dress it up as training if you'd like. And then introduce feedism type stuff when you are comfortable and trust each other a good deal. That is half the battle with great D/S relationships, trust. The other half is communication. So also listen to him as well, see where he is at and what he wants to do and try.

Chrissmithy:
Thank you. I really appreciate this... In a way "carry on as you normally would" (because this is what I'd normally do without the feedist aspect) is an extreme relief. And thank you also for understanding the core issue and setting my mind at ease.

TheDemolitionMann:
No problem at all. Exactly carry on as you would but with the mindset that feedism will eventually make its debut, if you will. I get the sense you don't want to go in guns ablazing because in kink play people can literally die if you are not safe and careful. Additionally, going too hard the first time may leave your sub disappointed with subsequent sessions which leads to pushing harder which can lead to injury.

Perhaps set up a non-verbal safeword if you will. My partner and I have a safeword and if she cannot speak, a physical indicator as well just in case cause, sometimes Doms can get a little lost in the sauce as well. But learning what makes your partner tick, allows you as the Dom to do what you do best. And it seems like you know how to do a good chunk of that as well as what to look for. So I think you got this, and he will be quite happy with your treatment of him.


Thank you. Non verbal safeword is a great idea. You're completely correct about Doms getting lost in the sauce as well... I've had some very confused subs in the past wondering why I also insist on my own traffic light system in case I'm getting overwhelemed too. And yes, it is the literal "if you push too far, someone can die" and I'm experienced enough to steer well clear of those limits in bdsm, but in this with potential damage occurring internally... Yeah, wound self up like there was no tomorrow. Thanks a million.
3 years

Domme ffa looking for guidance

TheDemolitionMann:
As a Dom myself, I would say reading your partner's non-verbal cues is something will help you the most if you are worried about him not being able to communicate. Personally, I would say operate in a space you are comfortable with to learn his cues first. You can even dress it up as training if you'd like. And then introduce feedism type stuff when you are comfortable and trust each other a good deal. That is half the battle with great D/S relationships, trust. The other half is communication. So also listen to him as well, see where he is at and what he wants to do and try.

Chrissmithy:
Thank you. I really appreciate this... In a way "carry on as you normally would" (because this is what I'd normally do without the feedist aspect) is an extreme relief. And thank you also for understanding the core issue and setting my mind at ease.

TheDemolitionMann:
No problem at all. Exactly carry on as you would but with the mindset that feedism will eventually make its debut, if you will. I get the sense you don't want to go in guns ablazing because in kink play people can literally die if you are not safe and careful. Additionally, going too hard the first time may leave your sub disappointed with subsequent sessions which leads to pushing harder which can lead to injury.

Perhaps set up a non-verbal safeword if you will. My partner and I have a safeword and if she cannot speak, a physical indicator as well just in case cause, sometimes Doms can get a little lost in the sauce as well. But learning what makes your partner tick, allows you as the Dom to do what you do best. And it seems like you know how to do a good chunk of that as well as what to look for. So I think you got this, and he will be quite happy with your treatment of him.

Chrissmithy:
Thank you. Non verbal safeword is a great idea. You're completely correct about Doms getting lost in the sauce as well... I've had some very confused subs in the past wondering why I also insist on my own traffic light system in case I'm getting overwhelemed too. And yes, it is the literal "if you push too far, someone can die" and I'm experienced enough to steer well clear of those limits in bdsm, but in this with potential damage occurring internally... Yeah, wound self up like there was no tomorrow. Thanks a million.


I would also explain this to your sub and the reasons so he knows where your head is at and why. It will both help put him at ease, and maybe just maybe, excite him more cause there is a reward at the end of the tunnel if all goes well. Lol
3 years
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