General

Forgive me in advance; I’m a wordy. :-)

Mental health issues are a pain. I have an anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, getting over an eating disorder, and diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum (they used to call it Aspergers but Hans Asperger was a Nazi and Nazis are icky.) I’ve had to take leaves from work here and there when my symptoms get out of control and higher doses of meds or new meds are needed. I’m still not sure if my mental health issues, besides my meds, effect my feelings surrounding gaining save for occasional bouts of anxiety when my self esteem/self image is low.

I think the distressing parts of being a feedee/gainer are worrying about what others will think, primarily that they may be concerned regarding my rapid gaining and think something is wrong. I don’t like to worry people so I tend to keep things to myself, which my friends know, hence the possibility of them being concerned. I think this stems from a need to be seen as independent and in charge, which I’m trying to work on.

Another thing is that I’m using gaining as a way to overcome a history of disordered eating and obsession with losing weight, so I still experience times where my body image is poor and I worry about what I’m doing to myself. A little while back I started a medication called Seroquel which is notorious for weight gain despite diet and exercise (it changes the metabolism and makes one hungry all the time.) Knowing that if I were to try to lose weight I’d have to eat 1000 calories or less a day due to metabolism AND do cardio daily (heck no!) reminds me that I’m just going to keep gaining and then I use the things I tell myself to remind myself the reasons why I’m doing this and why it’s okay.

I’ve never had a feeder/encourager and though I find the idea interesting and an experience I think I’d like to try, I do worry about getting too big and finding myself unable to stop. I think this is where a feeder with morals might be conflicted: when their feedee has gotten so big that they struggle with every little task and probably should discontinue gaining, but knowing the feedee will keep eating as long as the feeder keeps supplying food. It’s exciting as fantasy but in reality I can see how a feeder can be torn between the fantasy and the reality. Then again, I’m not a feeder so I can’t claim to understand how feeders think/feel, but I can see where guilt could come into play.

Hopefully that kind of speaks to your question/topic.

This thread has come at a good time. I have traits of ADHD, and I get heart palpitations when I'm consistently stressed out, which comes and goes like recurring phases. Recently, I put on 40lbs to see what getting close to 200lbs would be like, and all the way it was fun. However, I broke from my diet plan because I was getting impatient and trying to get as big a belly as possible for someone who never even referred to me by name (I just stopped talking to her since it seemed she was going to cancel our meetup again). Now I've been having to lose 10lbs to reduce my blood pressure. On top of this, I injured my shoulder , making managing my blood pressure and adapting to my weight that much harder. With all these stressers, my mind jumps to the conclusion that I can't be happy fatter and I can't be happy skinnier. Even worse, having experienced knee pain without even breaking 200, I worry I'll feel like a monster for loving a partner's fatness, especially if she wants to lose weight and worries that I'd love her any less for it (which I would never expect to be true in a healthy relationship but that's still a worry she could have). My relationship to food and feederism has been changed and until my shoulder is healed and I can be active like I used to be I am in this perpetual state of turmoil, trying my best to balance health and feedism in the least advantageous ways possible (diets and a limited variety of physical activity).
I am finding a sweet spot, which my hope is no lower than 185, where I feel like my clothes look the best on me, and I can feel less like my weight is destroying me. Hopefully someday I can experiment again and get even bigger. For now I'm doing my best to keep a good relationship with feedism.

I assure you that some males (as myself) simply find an overweight or fat woman beautiful. We all have different tastes in what we find attractive in the opposite gender. Please accept yourself and your expanding size as being a very attractive person, and an individual

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. I'm lucky enough to be on a pretty even keel mental health wise most of the time, and I actually think this fetish has a role in that.

I am not really a gainer/feedee, way more into fat on others. But whenever something crap/stressful happens that I can't control, my default reaction is to displace the negative feelings onto things I can control - almost always my weight - and beat myself up until I lose some. To save the day, the fat fetish kicks in after a few weeks/months, before I can ever turn myself into a twig, like a voice in the back of my head reminding me fat is fun.

To top it off, it's empowering to subvert that opposition, taking the shame of feeling fat and twisting it into something sexy, controlling it myself. I wonder if I'd just slide into an eating disorder without the part of my brain that thinks fat is sexy... With things being so up in the air with covid, FF is feeling more like a welcome outlet than ever

Hoping you can all find your peace with it. Mine's definitely a balance between opposing voices rather than anything calm/quiet, but so far, so good!