General

NogutNoglory:
She is saying he wants to lose weight for health reasons such as preventing diabetes. And she is scared that the weight loss will make it hard for her to still be attracted to him.

I understand that concern but on FF people think just because something turns them on they are absolutely entitled to make the person they are with conform to their sexual ideal.

All men watch porn. Do they give their wife's and girlfriends the ultimatum that- if they don't look exactly like a porn star they can't be with them? No, of course not.

But in this community people feel completely justified asking their partners to do things that any sane person would realize is unhealthy. I think it is good that she is conflicted about the way she feels.

And the way you said "feed him to" whatever weight as if he's not even human is disturbing to me.

- to the person who started this thread

- I get not wanting to be with someone skinny, I couldn't do it either. But the reality of being with someone 400lbs isn't as great as you think it would be. I think it is a normal thing for an FA to worry about weight loss, but I don't think you should tell him he can't go below a certain weight. It is still his body. I think it is good that you realize the importance of his health. I think it would be completely wrong to sabotage his weight loss. I honestly don't think you will lose your attraction to him. Also I know for me when I'm having sex I fantasize about stuff like in the stories on here. If you can relate to that you can enjoy him being happier and healthier in real life but fantasize about him gaining when you are having sex. For me personally I fantasize about humiliation senerios that would be horrifying in real life but turn me on a lot when I fantasize about them. Get some too tight pants for him to wear to role play gaining. You can get creative with it.[/quote]

Thanks for your feedback. I know that at the end of the day, it's wrong to put my sexual desire before his health. It's his body, and I would never sabotage his weight loss. I don't believe I'll lose all attraction to him or anything if he loses weight, it's just worrying to me that I'll have to watch his body change in a way that I'd rather it not. 250 lbs might not be so bad. I think I need to be open to that. Plus, it's not like the weight loss will be immediate, so I'm hoping it won't feel too drastic or sudden.

On the bright side, I opened up to him some about what turns me on regarding this fetish yesterday (the same day he told me how much weight he wanted to lose). While I had opened up to him about my fat fetish almost two months ago, I didn't go into to specifics about what things turn me on regarding it (shirts riding up, belly play, overeating etc.) on account of feeling so anxious while coming out.

But like I said, yesterday I told him more specifically what turns me on, embarrassing as it was for me to admit, and while he told me he wasn't entirely comfortable with some things I mentioned, he was okay with others. He actually indulged me a bit today and we found some middle ground that worked for both of us--not in terms of overeating though, he's still trying to lose weight, but he would tease me about me wanting him to overeat and about him being fat, knowing that it'd get a reaction from me. I think that's where we can work more from a fantasy angle, where things are more verbal/roleplay-esque or in my imagination.

Either way, this is something I'll have to find ways to cope with, so I really do appreciate the advice you and others have given on ways to make this easier, as well as the health advice some have given.

[quote]Tigerlily33:
She was only taking about a small gain. It hardly would have an impact on his risk of diabetes. But if it has a dramatic effect on sexual desire then that would have to be looked at closely

I understand what you're getting at, and I appreciate your respect for and understanding of the importance of my sexual fulfillment in the relationship, but I recognize that my boyfriend isn't interested in becoming a feedee or gaining more weight. I don't expect to lose all attraction to him. I love him after all, but like I said, watching him lose weight won't be easy for me. I understand that I'll have to find ways to cope, adjust to it, and accept it. I believe he should have agency over choices regarding his own body.

Thought I would weigh in on this one...

Obviously the way you look and your weight is a big part of this fetish.

However when you are in a relationship with someone surely there is more to that relationship than looks, sex and fetish.

As much as I enjoy being big, I would never want to be with someone who was only interested in me for my size.

So I would maybe have a serious think of why you are with this person and if it is purely for fetish or is it an actual relationship...

If you have a relationship and you genuinely care for this person then as previously stated, your partners health is more important than your sexual desires.

If your interest is purely sexual and fetish related... Then you should consider ending the relationship so your partner can concentrate on themselves and being in a place they are happy with weight and health without having to worry about upsetting you and your sexual needs.

if they want to lose weight then let them

Coming back to this thread now, this is pretty much what’s happened. He’s actually gained some weight during this time (not my doing, he was stressed from work for a while and binge eating as a result). Since posting this thread, I’ve gotten into online fat liberation communities which has changed my perception of the idea that fat automatically equals unhealthy. My boyfriend still has a desire to be healthier which I do agree with since I think both of us would benefit from more health promoting behaviors, and I’m hoping he can reduce his stress binge eating. I like when he binges, but obviously not when it’s a stress response. He would still like to lose weight, but I honestly don’t think he’ll commit to it in a way that will actually succeed, especially after I’ve learned how small the success rate of long term significant weight loss is. I’m less anxious about any weight loss now though. If he does happen to lose some weight from exercising more and eating a little healthier that’s fine. He doesn’t seem as anxious about his weight anymore though, and part of me hopes that’s because he knows that I love his body as it is.