General

NY37 is right I agree totally.
The thing to remember is it doesn't matter what others think.Thats how you cope with it.
Even on your worst day you have worth and value and while you may feel unattractive someone will think you are very attractive.
I would venture to say everybody has days like that every now and then so you are not alone in feeling that way.
Personally I don't let it bother me.

Both Ditzy and NY37 are spot on and what I can add is this. Not paying folks attention is both a skill and a muscle and what you have to realize is that we are way harder on ourselves than other people are and some of us have the ability to let all that internal chatter to take a hold of us but there is this supplement Gaba that helps tremendously with that. There are plenty of people who will find you attractive but you have to realize that you are attractive and that comes from you grasping that your feelings might not be actually how the rest of us feel especially when it pertains to your attractiveness. Most of the time people are too shy to say that they like someone so it is most likely not you but it's mostly them

I think there are two parts to wanting to be seen as attractive.

-One is pragmatic, people tend to treat attractive people better. (from minor things like how helpful store staff are to chances of getting a job/promotion)
- One is vanity. We get a boost to our ego, of course, when other people admire us, pay positive attention to us, and so on.

As others said above, you can live your life without making how others view you so important. Mostly that means giving up vanity, because we all have to live with the pragmatic effects. As I got older, balder, and fatter I didn't have a lot of choice but to give up vanity because it wasn't doing anything for me, but all the same it was darn hard and I still backslide and find myself looking for those ego boosts. But it is something you can learn to recognize in your behavior and thoughts and tamp down on, reducing its roll in your life.

People are entitled to their own opinions, even if their opinions are heavily influence by society because critical thinking isn't a skill possessed by most. If they want to think that "fat = unattractive" then that's their prerogative. I just wish more people would learn to keep their opinions to themselves instead of arrogantly expecting that the entire world accommodate their preferences.

What pisses me off though is how it's completely politically correct to mock and belittle people for being fat. As American politics have shown over the last 4 years (and I say this as someone who leans very left), even the so-called "tolerant" cancel culture types have no issue with denigrating people for their weight. When even people who proudly boast of their tolerance have no issue with publicly and gleefully insulting people for being overweight, it leaves you feeling very alone in society.

when i was younger i was very active and very fit and spent a certain amount of effort trying to be what i thought was attractive to other people.

in the intervening decades i have learned that attraction is a very individual thing. being attractive to a lot of other people is great, if you want to be superficially rewarded by a lot of other people... who don't actually give a damn about you, specifically, as a person.

conversely, i have found myself attracted to a variety of individuals of all shapes, sizes, genders, etc.... and some other individuals have been attracted to me, too, for some reason! at various weights and physical conditions, i should add.

you mentioned that you "feel unattractive," which is really a tough thing. out own perception of our "attractiveness" is so out of whack with what everyone around us feels, it becomes a bit of a mind game. this is what the self-acceptance movement is all about - learning to accept your own body, visage, etc. and be comfortable and confident in that. because confidence is absolutely attractive in someone!

it is a juggle at times to be able to still fit in with the general public and their thinking vs standing alone in self-confidence wary of those who come in contact with you.
Overall just a matter of time to decide what makes you happiest, others perception or your perception of you.
It's different from when people look at you to looking through you like you do not exist.
It's also different to see others who attempt to blend in with general views of beauty while living your best life with others in the rear view mirror.

THIS IS SOLID ADVICE. I would only add that with our obesity we have to like being obese compared to how other people see us because I don't pay attention to them anymore. I know that I am gross to them and I own it. You will get there soon enough

WideJuan76:
THIS IS SOLID ADVICE. I would only add that with our obesity we have to like being obese compared to how other people see us because I don't pay attention to them anymore. I know that I am gross to them and I own it. You will get there soon enough[/quote]

That's true, like eating ice cream on a park bench just oblivious to murmurs and whispers yet crack jokes on anyone who gets too cute or even just continue eating living the best life.

WideJuan76:
THIS IS SOLID ADVICE. I would only add that with our obesity we have to like being obese compared to how other people see us because I don't pay attention to them anymore. I know that I am gross to them and I own it. You will get there soon enough

NYCBellyBlimp:
That's true, like eating ice cream on a park bench just oblivious to murmurs and whispers yet crack jokes on anyone who gets too cute or even just continue eating living the best life.[/quote]

Eventually, you come to the realization of why am I paying attention to those people who don't know me nor do they have my best interest so why am I projecting how they might feel onto me ? The truth is, the fatter I became the more people never actually gave a damn. Most times our own self dialogue is catastrophizing when in actuality no one cares....

WideJuan76:
Eventually, you come to the realization of why am I paying attention to those people who don't know me nor do they have my best interest so why am I projecting how they might feel onto me ? The truth is, the fatter I became the more people never actually gave a damn. Most times our own self dialogue is catastrophizing when in actuality no one cares....[/quote]

That's a true solid point.