Lifestyle tips

I think it is about being in control of your weight, whether it is losing weight or gaining weight. Besides the physical things you mentioned, there are a lot of psychological similarities too. I also think it is very hot to see a woman go from one extreme to the other. Good luck!

It's a shame I haven't properly studied it yet, only bulimia, but I can try and have a look. It's really fascinating how similar you have described them. It must have been pretty tought for you, I hope you arw felling better now. I think a difference is that anorexia is actually classified as a problem and being feddee is basically never mentioned

As someone who suffered with an eating disorder (anorexia and bulimia at different times) for almost 20 years, I always find your posts really interesting. Although I don’t have a fully ED mindset now, I do still have a lot of the thoughts you’ve expressed and I sort of swing between that and being a feedee (not an intentional gainer).

I saw someone mention how both anorexics and feedees focus on controlling their weight, and that’s a really interesting point and true for many, but I feel quite differently. For me, allowing myself the freedom to eat what I want and not weigh myself CONSTANTLY is the biggest reason I’m here. It’s pretty much swinging the pendulum to the complete opposite side after so many years of obsession. I have mixed feelings, often I wish I could have hit a healthy middle ground or been slightly chubby. But to me, anorexia felt like being in control, and feedism feels like giving up control, which I don’t have black and white feelings on. Bulimia was both. I definitely agree with a lot of your points.

This is a truly spot on assessment of how both lifestyles correlate and how each side responds to their particular "fix". I have dated women who were absolutely ravenous about gaining to a particular number so they wouldn't eat during the day so they would binge to the point of eating themselves asleep at night and there was a whole mindlessness about it and I didn't grasp it until recently that for some gaining is a part of their addiction.

I don't work there yet, I'm still finishing my masters, so I'm far from knowing everything about it. It's really a shame that even now you don't feel totally confortable, but I'm sure you made tons of progress already and will keep one feeling better about yourself. I can't even imagine how you feel looking at the mirror and not fully recognising the body. But it's also a sign of the strength you have to be able to deal with that and keep on working on yourself

Even though I do see your point theres just something that bothers me:
Comparing an eating disorder to a fetish

Fetish is something you do to yourself willingly. With fetish you want to lose your control, let someone else take the power. Eating disorder is usually abt disordered views. With ED you just have to act as it wants, biggest fear is losing control, failing. Fetish is about acceptancre, ED`S are usually about not being enough, happy etc.

Having fetishy thoughts in a body and mind that has an ED is nightmare.
Yes, it reduces ur pleasure and trying to be with ED causes you to have no sexual needs etc.

What im trying to say is even though I cant categorize them into boxes "good" and "bad" both are more like opposites but still comparing a fetish with an disorder.. It just feels wrong.

Fetishes "so called paraphilias" used to be put that their wrong and mental illnesses..

Hi I love this topic.

I am both. And after years of paying attention to myself and my brain, I think I have a pretty solid understanding of how I have two things that seemingly contradict. Most notably, my “fetish thoughts” aka the time when I have a strong desire to gain happen consistently when I am hungry. Because I first started disordered eating behaviors at 7, I never got close to understanding intuitive eating or what my body feels like to be hungry. There are a lot of hunger cues I’m just now learning to identify. The appeal to being fat was that if I was just fat, I wouldn’t have to worry about all this. I wouldn’t have to starve myself, I could just eat, and I could say “f you” to all the forces who told me I couldn’t eat because I’d get fat. I know it’s not accurate given how hateful our culture is of fat bodies, but to me, fat people were the free ones, and I always wanted that. It’s just that I wasn’t allowed to HAVE that in my disordered mindset. It’s not a balanced approach. I think in some ways it’s my bodies defense mechanism to force a binge so that I don’t just totally starve myself, because I absolutely would have. I’ve heard other accounts of people with eating disorders starting to sexualize food and in their account, it was because they were perpetually hungry. Also my fetish thoughts go away after I eat. I’m trying now to find balance and just eat when I’m hungry. If I’m really after freedom but I’m okay with being fat, it makes sense to let go of those disordered thoughts and just eat when I’m hungry, but boy is it difficult. I would definitely be curious if anyone else has similar experiences.

Exactly as u said, it seems contradictory, that was the whole point.
Paraphilias USED to be considered as mental disorders, nowadays not.
So thats why comparing an eating disorder with a fetish seems so wrong.
U want fetishes be put back into the category of "mental illnesses"?

Sure, to some rebellion against diet culture is linked into not so body positive but a really toxic relationship with food but the reason may be just someones nature not what eating disorder or fetish has taught them.

Hmm...so you see this overly obsessed toxic rebelling behaviour as an eating disorder. Interesting really, since theres so many already existing disorders that i think would be more fitting. I wouldnt create an another form of eating disorder to fit what you described. There needs to be lot more wrong on those invididuals mind than just that. Also even though eating disorders are on mind, criteria needs a certain behaviour in order to get diagnosed or even treated.

Difference comes on that part too. Treatment for an eating disorder would be totally different things than how to cure a person with fat fetish obsession. (i shouldnt even call it an obsession, thats not the right word either)

"How to cure a paraphilia?" does it need to be cured, maybe the problem is somewhere else. You can be completely recovered from an eating disorder but can NEVER stop feeling that way abt ur paraphilia. Once the book is opened, no going back.

Nothing I said wasnt meant to be aggressive or disrespectful. If you create a topic and want a conversation abt U have got to learn how to handle differing opinions, right now you're just trying to shut me up since I diasagreed with you. You aint even trying to give my points the value that u give yours. Its NOT a conversation if only ur opinion is what matters! If you cant have an honest conversation or bring up valid points maybe you shouldnt even discuss this topic here.

As someone whose been part of ED community for years its truly painful that you see it this way. It actually even makes me wonder have u been misdiagnosed with anorexia.
In order to get anorexia diagnose u need to be underweight, otherwise its atypical anorexia. Not much of a difference, just a fact. Anorexic mindset does not work as a fetish mindset.

If u cant see these facts or separate them I can only say get some knowledge, learn abt mental disorders before saying that this "fetish toxic obsessive behaviour" should be categorized as a new form of eating disorder.

I understand you perfectly. I've been anorexic all my life... When I started in feederism I saw a way to free myself from the canons of beauty, but I'm still not able to get rid of the ghosts of the past. I wish you luck.