Fat experiences

What a lovely story! 😊

I was a overweight child growing up. But I've always loved fat, so I didn't mind being overweight and out of shape. Though sadly my family members were getting concerned by the weight I was gaining when I was a teenager, so I lost some weight. But ever since I was 20 I really wanted to let myself go again, and I found the site. I've been gaining off and on for the past 11 years since finding the site, and since I'm transitioning I'm going through a second puberty essentially, which is making my appetite increase. So now I'm at my biggest and I keep gaining and giving into my junk food addiction. It feels good being morbidly obese.

this question really made me think : was it a decision? i guess it was, in a way.

i had been fit, thin and active all my life. i went to the gym regularly and lifted weights. but i was an fa and a feeder - i was attracted to fat people and the idea of them growing even bigger was really my turn on. so i dated bbw and bhm, and often i was their feeder. i was in this mode for a long time - like, from my late teens until i was about 40!

then i started dating and then living with a ssbbw. she was a nurse and was completely uninterested in being the whole feedism scene - that was fine with me. she was gorgeous, fun, intelligent, and we had a great time together. she was more a "foodie" i think, and her love of good food started to rub off on me. i started to find a new enjoyment in food through her. spending more and more time with her meant it was getting tougher for me to dedicate time to the gym. eventually i decided i would take a break from the gym for a few months, just see what would happen.

not only did i stop working out, i started to indulge more with my gf. we both put on weight. after maybe 25 lbs i started to get a little worried about how big i was getting, but she helped me put those concerns aside, we were still both really enjoying our life together which involved quite a bit of eating and drinking and making merry. at some point i thought, well, i've let myself go this far - let's see what 200 lbs is like! then i can start getting back in shape.

200 lbs turned into 220, and i realized that the lifestyle i had become used to was very seductive. my gf had also gained some weight over that time, and was growing concerned it might impact her mobility to the point it effected her job. so we knew something needed to be done. i decided to go back to the gym, and she cut a bunch of things out of her diet. i was really impressed with her level of discipline!

i was also surprised by how *hard* it was to go back to the gym. being fat and out of shape, not having worked out at all for many months... wow, was that a rude awakening! i thought i would jump on the treadmill for 30 minutes, like i used to. i lasted about 5 minutes and i felt like i was going to die, lol! i was shocked and embarrassed by how little weight i could lift, and how far i had fallen in terms of my fitness. seeing myself in the mirrors all around the gym shocked me over and over again - who was that flabby guy with the gut hanging over his too-tight exercise pants? oh, it was me!

being so disillusioned at the gym created a bit of a cycle... i would stop going, get fatter, try to go again, and become too discouraged to continue.

so while my gf was losing some weight, mine went up a little. eventually just the thought of being in the gym was too humiliating, i made a conscious decision to stop trying. and i guess this was the point at which i actually "decided" (or admitted) i was now a fat person.

i have often thought, looking back on my life, what motivated me to be fit and to work out for so long? and how did i change so much in such a short period of time, quite far into my adulthood? i think part of staying fit was just my sense of my own identity. getting over that was the hardest part of getting fat (getting past the "this isn't me" mindset). but also, as a fit guy seeking out romantic and kinky relationships with fat people, i think being in good shape was one of the things that i knew made potential partners attracted to me. not sure if i knew that at the time, but in hindsight, having joined a dating site as a fat guy, i know that the "marketplace" has shrunk substantially for me.

i guess in another way, my decision to be fat (or get fatter) was really around my lifestyle choice, and what i valued in how i spent my time... having discovered a great joy of food (which included a newfound interest in cooking for myself, family and friends), and being a craft beer aficionado, the value of these activities and the joy they bring me has increased substantially. just 4 or 5 years ago i would never have looked forward with any enthusiasm to getting take-out from a particular restaurant. now, i have a list of almost 20 places i can't wait to try. my mouth is watering thinking about what i am going to be having for lunch - food, for the first time, has become a very central part of my life, my day, my week. it isn't about "stuffing" (although sometimes it is ), it is about taste, flavour, texture, trying something new...

sorry, didn't want to make this an essay, lol! but thinking about it made me kind of reflect over the last 3-4 years.

I always enjoy reading your story. Bring on the long posts. You are good at expressing yourself.

It sounds to me like the initial phase was not so much a decision as a kind of stumbling enjoyable accident. Your only real decision was to accept being fat and then getting fatter.

Does that seem right?

To further my point above, it seems this happy accidental weight gain initially was not so much decided as just seemed to occur — the result of a new relationship, being around such a lovely woman, learning to enjoy eating and foods in new ways, adopting her hedonistic outlook, and thinking you could easily lose those first pounds.

Not as much a decision as a delicious kind of carelessness.

Thank you for sharing!

yes, i think you are correctly stating it. certainly it was not a conscious decision!

when you put it like that, and i think of my change in thinking from when i was fit to now - the "value" i placed on being in shape motivated me in my exercise. i mean, i went to the gym 3-4 times a week continuously for 20 years! at some point it just becomes a habit, and you do it on automatic pilot.

but when i took that time away and grew out of shape, the "value" i placed on that enjoyment of that new hedonistic lifestyle, was much greater than the effort it would take to get back in shape.

none of it was conscious, but i think i realized i had missed out on some of those pleasures... now they've become the habit, i guess!

I think it’s easy to underestimate the effect being in a new exciting relationship had on your waistline. Many gain weight as they relax and get cozy and comfortable with a new partner.

People used to call that gain “love pounds” or “honeymoon rolls” when the couple marries.

You gained some love fat, but that’s not the whole story. When in a new relationship, many succumb to the habits and enjoyments of their new partner. She was no gym-goer. You got to spend more time with her if you didn’t go to the gym.

And what did you do with that time? You did what she did: You enjoyed food. She was a foodie, and you became one. She was big and soft, so you grew soft as well. Her hedonistic ways became a part of you.

As did the belly you acquired.

It’s a love story in a way perhaps. She pleased you with introducing you to the joys of many delicious foods. You pleased her by finding pleasure in her interests, and by spending more time with her as your gym time decreased.

And your waistline increased.

yes - this is exactly it!

so, we split up (amicably) about a year ago. what is really interesting now is that those habits are still with me - maybe more now, having worked at home for the last year and adding another 50 lbs (probably more).

we are still casually in touch with each other, just the odd email. some stuff happened in her life last month, so i sent her a note and we had a zoom chat last month. i think we were both surprised - i was bigger and she was smaller, lol! she has been using the pandemic to get in better shape, so while she still outweighed me, the gap was certainly much narrower than it was a year ago!

so while she's changed her lifestyle, i find i am stuck in mine. my new/current gf is sensitive to being healthy, but she also has made it clear she's not attracted to skinny guys, so i think i am in a good place right now.

Most of the family members are chubby or fat but I have to say I am the fattest. It seems like everyone has been putting on weight during the pandemic. As for my friends, they keep reminding me that I am the fattest.