General

Let me put it this way: most men I've veen with, be family or friends are EXTREMELY reserved about their own feelings. Even if they are the outgoing, extrovert type, when it comes down to talk about what they think, they clam up.

This is due to a number of reasons: Machism is also a thing among guys, where we can't show ourselves to be fragile, but also society is slowly changing at least, but some of these guys can't follow trough, especially given their upbringing or relation swith others. Everyone around me made sure that I wasn't "a man" and constantly telling me those things, not having a manly body, personality, attittude, physique, etc.

While I learned that I don't need to be "a man", those things even my parents told me on and one are always ingrained.

And then comes the issue of insecurity on this topic.

See, there's always this little voice in my head that complains about being chubby, despite liking it. But also there's a weird thing going on where most people here or in similar spaces say I'm either too skinny or too fat, and that just makes me confused and unsure of what I want to do.
Because there's this unbalance that I would rather just keep to myself until I get to really kno the person I'm talking with, then I no longer feel insecure towards that person in particular.

Now there are some very bold guys out there, don't get me wrong, and I do envy them. So I'm sure that you mostly had bad luck meeting them.

Insecurity, rejection, getting friend zoned.

I think most fat guys who aren’t feedists are a bit self conscious about their bodies, I know as I ballooned to 300 I definitely was, it took a lot of self acceptance and body positivity to get where I am now.. and honestly I’m just at a point where I’m more content with pursing my hobbies and stuff or having a big greasy pizza or few double cheeseburgers than I am pursing women

I can only speak for myself but I would feel like this is a shared sentiment.

Yep. I've always been a socially awkward nerd, even before I got fat.

We must live in different areas? I have noticed when males get thicker their confidence grows. My roommate was 180s when i met him and was 242lbs yesterday at his physical and thinks he is the HOTTEST man on the planet and flirts with anyone of any gender, and they in turn fall all over him. Like men will hit on him in front of me xD Im still spicy about that one but I think with the acceptance and popularization of "dad bods" and "bearded chubby men', in memes especially more males around these parts LOVE being thicker and are so so so so much more confident and out there.

I couldn't agree more! A resident (older lady) from My job seem us in the grocery store and she told my hubby that she loves big men and thinks he is so sexy! He blushed immediately 🤣

It really depends.

There are (and have always been) very confident chubby men. And some cultures have a lot of love for thicker men. However, there are also a lot of chubby guys who think that things would be better if they were muscular or at least slimmer.

This all boils down to patriarchy. What makes a man manly depends on the culture, but men who don't measure up are made fun of. If the guy isn't secure in himself, he'll stop putting himself out there.

This can be said for a lot of things.

Who has the time and money to go out anymore? also we’re coming off Covid and fat people are disproportionally effected by it. Also, being big around big crowds of people? Um cluster phobia?

I have to say yes, it's been years since I've put myself out there since I put on some weight. In my mind, until I have a good physique again it's only a matter of time before a potential partner goes out and finds just that. And nobody wants to line up to be hurt so badly ever again. I've been told you have a great dad bod, except I'm not a dad so I find it actually insulting. I often wonder if the dad bod craze is actually a form of control, knowing most likely the guy in the relationship will be looked at as less attractive and it's a form of security. It doesn't make sense, when I was younger I was very heavy before losing l25lbs, and I've seen the some people around that used to torment me talk about how it's desirable now? No shots taken at anyone, just my two cents