General

Dealing with this fetish as i start dating again

Okay, so first off: I apologize if this question is too common. Although I've had this fetish for years, I'm not really active in any forums.
Anyway, I'm starting to date again a few months after breaking up with my first- and so far only- girlfriend, and I was wondering if anyone had any tips on handling this fetish while on it. I'm acutely aware that most fat people aren't fat fetishists themselves, and that they don't want to just have a 'chubby chaser'. This was something my ex-girlfriend expressed concern about to me a few months in, and it ended inconclusively- I just stammered over my answer and we never mentioned it again.
I can't pretend that this isn't a fetish I have, and I can't just get rid of it (or change it into a simple preference, in the same way I like black is my favorite hair color). However, I also don't want to scare anyone off or end up in a relationship that has nothing going for it except for the fetish. Does anyone have advice on this?
Again, if this is too common of a question, I apologize. I just don't know where else to ask this.
2 years

Dealing with this fetish as i start dating again

You can always say that you like her the way she is and that you prefer more plumper figure on a woman not a bonny one smiley
2 years

Dealing with this fetish as i start dating again

Why is it so hard for people to just be honest and open ?
2 years

Dealing with this fetish as i start dating again

Ditzy:
Why is it so hard for people to just be honest and open ?


Why is it so hard for people to respond to honesty with compassion and curiosity?

Not everyone deserves that level of vulnerability… because they can’t be trusted with it…

For the OP I would say filter for people who are trustworthy and approach life with curiosity and skills to have nuanced conversations. Those who are sex positive are also more likely to be fetish friendly.

They might not share your fetish but they’re more likely to be kind when you do share with them.

And I’d really self reflect if you can live without exploring it and whether that’s a deal breaker for you or not.

Something else that could be an option is ethical nonmonogomy…
2 years

Dealing with this fetish as i start dating again

I think one problem, is that most FA's do not know themselves if they can be in a relationship with a thin person. Will the personality, looks, politics, and interests be enough? Or will the FA have to end the relationship because of no physical attraction and hurt the other person? Now, if an FA thinks the other person will gain weight, that happens only in fat fiction, and not real life. It doesn't hurt to date a thin person, and during the "discovery" period show a perspective relationship pictures of exes who are larger, or casually mention you don't mind dating larger people. In that period, there is a lot of negotiating about all kinds of things to determine if the dating turns into a boy/girlfriend situation.
2 years

Dealing with this fetish as i start dating again

CuddlesMcBK:
Okay, so first off: I apologize if this question is too common. Although I've had this fetish for years, I'm not really active in any forums.
Anyway, I'm starting to date again a few months after breaking up with my first- and so far only- girlfriend, and I was wondering if anyone had any tips on handling this fetish while on it. I'm acutely aware that most fat people aren't fat fetishists themselves, and that they don't want to just have a 'chubby chaser'. This was something my ex-girlfriend expressed concern about to me a few months in, and it ended inconclusively- I just stammered over my answer and we never mentioned it again.
I can't pretend that this isn't a fetish I have, and I can't just get rid of it (or change it into a simple preference, in the same way I like black is my favorite hair color). However, I also don't want to scare anyone off or end up in a relationship that has nothing going for it except for the fetish. Does anyone have advice on this?
Again, if this is too common of a question, I apologize. I just don't know where else to ask this.


Exciting that you are starting to date again - best of luck and enjoy!

You could approach this in a multitude of ways. Unless you're super clear that you will only date someone who is super into this (I have the impression you're more open), then as others have said, I'd keep it light, breezy and open.

What if you had any other fetish - feet, bondage, whatever. You may or may not want to dive straight into all of that in your online profile / on the first few dates - think how you'd feel if a date did the same for a fetish they had. The pool of people you could date includes some people who would be comfortable having an open discussion around fetishes early on, and some (probably most) who would want to get to know someone first before discussing intimate sexual preferences.

As and when it does come up, you can just be open enough with it. There's a difference between saying you admire fat, eg "I love a curvy figure, not a fan of bones, squish is awesome" and that you're into eg feedism, bdsm, whatever. Think of it like bondage - do you start with "I find the Japanese art of rope tying super erotic, I'd love to spend hours tying you up and watching the rope bite into your flesh" or "I find the idea of being tied up kinda fun"...

Enjoy and see where you get to smiley
2 years

Dealing with this fetish as i start dating again

EIIe:
For the OP I would say filter for people who are trustworthy and approach life with curiosity and skills to have nuanced conversations. Those who are sex positive are also more likely to be fetish friendly.

They might not share your fetish but they’re more likely to be kind when you do share with them.

And I’d really self reflect if you can live without exploring it and whether that’s a deal breaker for you or not.


This is really great advice!

Keep in mind it takes some time to get to know people, too. My boyfriend introduced me to this site and this fetish, and I didn't run screaming. It took a little time for me to get past the "this is weird" feeling, and start to see the aspects of it that appealed to me (since I was already a Chubby Chaser). smiley

I reading these forums, this isn't a single fetish - there are lots of variations, lots of levels, and so I think there's a lot of room for a lot of different types of people with different interests.

In your case you will need to gauge, as Elle said, what is a deal breaker for you, and what is enough. And I can tell you, ten years ago my "deal breaker" list was a lot different than it is now. smiley So don't be too hard on yourself, or your date!

Best of luck!
2 years