Gaining

On the fence: how do you decide to take the plunge?

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TheBoarInside   United States
Joined 4 years
For me, attempting to gain wasn't really a choice. I knew I'd never be proud of my body otherwise. That I'd never feel right with myself or comfortable as who I am.

My friends, thick or thin, have just found it amusing when I've told them, and my family respects that I'm not going to talk to them about my weight at all.

You say you've felt like this for nearly a decade, do you actually want to live out your live without reaching the size you'd like that be?
2 years

On the fence: how do you decide to take the plunge?

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Munchies   United States
Joined 2 years
TheBoarInside:
For me, attempting to gain wasn't really a choice. I knew I'd never be proud of my body otherwise. That I'd never feel right with myself or comfortable as who I am.

My friends, thick or thin, have just found it amusing when I've told them, and my family respects that I'm not going to talk to them about my weight at all.

You say you've felt like this for nearly a decade, do you actually want to live out your live without reaching the size you'd like that be?

j8o8h8n:
I think the fact that I have the luxury of choosing is part of what makes it so difficult. Like, a part of me would feel guilty specifically because some of my closest friends, who are naturally bigger, have worked so hard to diet and exercise to get a size that fits more with "conventional norms," but I would intentionally be trying to get bigger than they both were at their biggest, while my body requires less work to stay at my current size.

Although one recent positive is that they haven't talked much about dieting and exercising recently, and they haven't really talked about me as their, "goal," recently, so there's a bit less guilt/pressure on that front.

I figure, before deciding on gaining, I need to at least talk about it with my fianceé, especially since we are planning on spending our lives together. My friends will likely be my friends no matter what, and I'm sure they'll throw jokes my way, at least initially.

I think I mainly worry a lot about what my parents will think and that's been a major contributing factor to me going back and forth about it for so long. But, then again, I've been out of the house for 6 years now so maybe I shouldn't put as much stock in what they would think about me getting fat. Plus, it's not like I'd have to tell them I'm intentionally gaining lol.


You are overthinking it. Sure, talk about it with your fiance first for obvious reasons. But no one else really matters here.

You don't owe your friends anything about your body just as they don't owe you anything about their body. And if you know they will still be by your side as you get fat, then there is no point in worrying about that

Also, what your parents think has no bearing here either. Especially as you no longer live with them.

I can't choose for you, but I can tell you that you worry about unimportant things.
1 year

On the fence: how do you decide to take the plunge?

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Chubbypup   United States
Joined 4 years
Be yourself, enjoy yourself. If you lose friends they weren't friends to begin with.

No one really needs to know you are intentionally gaining. That said...It sounds to me like a conversation with your fiance about your gaining would be welcome. Start there.

The point of no turning back is further away than you think. Put on 10 or 20 pounds and see if you like it. If not, you can lose it. If you want more add another 10 and see how that feels.
1 year

On the fence: how do you decide to take the plunge?

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Nikola090   Italy
Joined 15 years
Chubbypup:
Be yourself, enjoy yourself. If you lose friends they weren't friends to begin with.

No one really needs to know you are intentionally gaining. That said...It sounds to me like a conversation with your fiance about your gaining would be welcome. Start there.

The point of no turning back is further away than you think. Put on 10 or 20 pounds and see if you like it. If not, you can lose it. If you want more add another 10 and see how that feels.

This could happen when you are really rational. Add 10 pounds then lose it. But perhaps adding even only ten pounds means also making a mental step...
1 year

On the fence: how do you decide to take the plunge?

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AskDrFeeder   United States
Joined 15 years
I have no hard data, but it has always seemed to me that the people who enjoy this the most are always the ones who jump in with both feet. They just accept whatever risks there are and let themselves go. No looking back.

So I don't know if you should get fat or not, but if you do: don't be half-assed about it. Eat a lot, enjoy it, and get as fat as you want.
1 year

On the fence: how do you decide to take the plunge?

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DoomBot   United States
Joined 4 years
I’ve struggled with similar emotions for years. In my experience, people don’t care as much as you think they would. I’ve gained about 60lbs over the last few years, so it’s possible that I haven’t gained enough at a fast enough pace for people to have a heart to heart with me. But you being in a stable relationship and getting comfortable is the perfect alibi to start your journey. To echo others, set small goals to begin with and see how it goes. Life is too short to wonder “what if.”
1 year

On the fence: how do you decide to take the plunge?

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Edxl   Canada
Joined 16 years
One thing to consider is that having a fat wife will make it no surprise if you gain weight -- it is a pretty common thing after marriage (or living together for long enough) for lifestyles to converge. You may get some teasing from friends, but nobody is apt to be shocked, and you can just shrug and say "I don't know, I guess it just happens, you know?"

But I agree, what your fiancee thinks matters. And while maybe she'd feel better if she wasn't so much bigger than you (because you got bigger), there is also the possibility that you being thinner helps her feel not so bad (like "I'm not fugly or my thin fiancee wouldn't be with me, and anyone looking at us will understand this, but if he gets fat they might feel that we both just settled for another fatty because we had no choice"smiley

And if she didn't mean to gain weight, and regrets it, you deliberately gaining weight may not feel good to her.

So just saying: tred carefully, and I'd explore the topic a little bit at a time before you tell her everything. But also, what happens over a span of years may be easier to forgive than is granting permission for something sudden and abrupt. And one more factor may be how she wants to see you are your wedding/in wedding pics? Definitely lots of topics for discussion.
1 year

On the fence: how do you decide to take the plunge?

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Voluptuouslover   United States
Joined 16 years
I can only say from my particular experience with my wife. She liked when I gained a bunch of weight and seemed to feel more secure and in fact continued gaining herself right alongside me to her heaviest ever during this time.

I never thought she would like me with a big fat gut, but she not only initiated sex all the time when I got fat but she was so much more secure with her way fatter figure making love and throwing her extra weight around in the bed. She orgasmed more every love making session and I have to imagine it had something to do with my newly packed on 40-50 lbs. on my big gut.
1 year