Fat experiences

I was recently having a conversation with a friend of the sad state of affairs these days and I just had to get this off my chest to see I'd anyone else agreed.

In 2008-09 I would say AT MOST, 25% of cam girls, web models, content creators, etc had "pay to play" stipulations. Like you had to pay for the Big Cuties, Bombshells and the top tier Clips4sale girls but everyone else on the forums, dances, etc weren't like that.

In 2021 I'd say at LEAST, 85% of females in the BBW niche are "pay to play" content creators. Everybody has an OF, premium account, etc.Of the remaining 15%, half of them are fake profiles. You can tell a mile away if it's a man or not if you've been around long enough.

That gives an FA, doesn't matter the gender, SEVEN PERCENT chance of meeting a friend without any kind of transaction behind it. Most recently someone close to my age broke down crying that he can't meet anyone in the Syndicate because everyone's either fake or out for money.

Sorry this is getting long winded but I'll wrap up quickly. If you're a broke college kid or not making very much money in your early 20's, how the f*ck are you supposed to make friends in this kind of climate?

How do we fix this?

You make a lot of great points. That's the other side of the coin I failed to mention in my initial post. The bad behavior of men (and some women) are directly responsible for this by trying to turn everything into kink chat.

I mentioned this in another forum that its a toxic cycle that men are just in it to get off, especially on fetish sites and women retaliated by making conversations "pay to play".

Because of that, you get women scared to death of sociopathic dudes going "ehehehe how mush do u weighhhh??" and you get normal guys scared to death they'll message a girl they think is cute and get "buy my content if you want to chat!"

You're absolutely right that Covid wiped out potential meetings, gatherings, etc and you're right that struggling for income goes both ways. Just wish both struggles didn't contribute to the toxic cycle.

In your opinion, what can be done to fix this?

I have been here for a good 13 years or so and I never got into the pay for play scenario to me it seemed kind of sleazy at the time.
The more I stayed I understood why some girls / web models would do that and it was for income so I couldn't knock them for doing that.
Its never been something I was interested in doing because I had a career already.
I have found guys don't read women's profiles and that gets to be a problem.
They assume you have a fetish or kink and want to do nothing but fat talk.
I tell them go read my profile it says I am not here for a hook up and I don't have any fetishes.
I am here to make friends as in people to talk with kind of friends.
I came here from a different fat acceptance site because some GFs on there asked me to come here and hang out with them.
I am just here to hang out with other fat folks.

Everyone who’s posted above me: Thank You. Very refreshing to read an actual, reasoned, calm discussion here. This isn’t the only one that’s active/current, but there don’t seem to be many.



I doubt that FF was never explicitly set up as an experiment to mix social, romantic, kink, and sex work. It dates back to 2003, and sure, the Internet and WWW portion of it were really going strong already by that point. Yet there weren’t dozens of niche places in the fatosphere. Maybe 4 sites (if that many) and some sections of general platforms like Geocities etc. To survive and thrive, any of these places had to be generalist: taking all reasonable comers in our community, for whatever each member may have specifically been seeking.

We see this in the physical world. In small towns, it’s far more likely that there will be a general store, with all of groceries, hardware, auto parts, gifts, and more. In a big city, each of those will be separate stores—or a few big box stores—with even more specialty stores for other niches.

As one of the oldest still-active sites in the community, Dimensions a couple decades back had horribly intense battles of feedists vs. non-feedists. Compartmentalizing the discussions into separate forum sections helped, but didn’t seem to solve the issue. From what i saw as a distant bystander, it seemed like there were one or more moderators there rabidly opposed to feedism, so that even with that one dedicated section, it wasn’t a feedist safe space. Hence Fantasy Feeder: feedism right there in the name.

People are complicated and want different things, which things may change fluidly or abruptly over time as the person evolves and lives. Many may not even be aware of their motivations or exactly what they’re doing/precisely what they want. So even if specific compartmentalized forums on different sites existed, many may not realize where they need to be. And what if their uniqueness spreads them across various categories not served by a single compartmentalized site?

Then there’s the issue of site culture, which may or may not align with the site’s purported mission. Non-feedist fat people and admirers routinely show up here and on Feabie because that’s where the activity is with genuine fat people and fat-loving people. Logically they should all prolly be on Dimensions as a (mostly) non-feedist space, but Dims culture has been ghost town/old folks’ home for a long time: not much action for those wanting to date. (Things may be changing at Dims, though. There’s been a series of waves of younger, more active people and feedists/padders.)

Controlling the various facets like social, romantic, kink, sex work, and more may be like herding cats. Maybe as a starting point, we in this community and those who run FF can focus on what is most disruptive and egregiously bad to most members, likely scamming and catfishing.

(Apologies if this is too long and rambling. It’s my nature.)

Massive, ongoing, historic problem. Telling/reminding guys to do this hasn’t proven effective overall, even worse with natural membership turnover.

Here’s a technical fix: recode this site such that it is not possible to send a private message to someone without having first read their profile. The site already knows per-user which pictures in the Pics section are new vs. already viewed, so there should be a way to track per-user which profiles have already been viewed.

If that’s not possible or somehow problematic, perhaps the site should present an intermediate nag window before the private message form for a new user’s first 10? 20? PMs and/or first month? two months? of membership, with text something like this (between the asterisk rows and not including them):

******************
Part of what makes Fantasy Feeder a friendly, safe, viable community is getting to know a little about members before communicating with them. If you have not already done so, please take a moment to [hyperlink to profile]view [this user’s name here] profile[close hyperlink].

OK button
******************

(These are off-the-cuff ideas, not thought out over a long time span. There may be unintended consequences.)

I was on Dims for years and found some really nice people there. I left when there was some kind of format change and I couldn't log back in.
Went to feabie when it first went active and only stayed for a month because it was like being back in high school.
All the cliques and really mean younger girls and their snarky attitudes made it unbearable.
All of the guys acted like they were between 12 and 18 wanting naked pics to fap to.
Most were really rude and demanding so I left.
I knew if I stayed I would get banned telling some 18 year old mod to kiss my butt.

That is weird. My account there has survived several site software changes. I don’t remember having to change anything to get in.



Yeah, i was there then (and much more active here on FF), and you pretty much nailed it. Here‘s the thing, for me who’s kinda sorta dating/seeking real-life hugs and cuddles and in-person community activities: 100% of my successful in-person connections, friends or dating, post-2010 have been through Feabie. Not Dims. Not FF. Not Craigslist Personals when those still existed. Not a local BBW dance i attended. My dating and friendship (two different things) skills are (both) very near zero, so it’s not been a lot of activity, but it’s been very real, worthwhile, and entirely through Feabie.

Rarely do i post there, because it’s so dangerous to write the wrong thing and get pilloried. Honestly, the biggest success was algorithmic: i was geographically desirable, thus got an auto-invite to an event of profound personal value and importance to me. Finally found the first steps of the staircase to get somewhere real-world in this community… a month before COVID-19 first became news, and 4 months before it blew up big in the U.S. That staircase i just barely stepped onto is all gone now, along with most of my prospects for respectfully, genuinely loving a real BBW.

Thank goodness there’s online, and fiction. Not at all the same, but better than nothing whatsoever.

😲 That’s impressive (getting banned)! You are definitely not the first intelligent, thoughtful person i’ve read about having been kicked off there. If and only if you feel comfortable sharing (else ignore): temporary ban or permanent ban?



Both group events i went to, via Feabie, were run (well) by SWers, who had the advanced skills to manage the events with great success. Presuming live get-togethers eventually come back, i have to wonder whether those which may be run through Feabie will be of the same quality. No, being a SWer is not required to run those well, but seems to me the successful SWer skill set can very much help.

Nearly the worst possible time for a new up-and-coming legit SWer in our community to hang out her shingle, with the litter problem you cite. Existing known quantities are the only ones with a track record, thus trustable.

Luckily, I do not depend of FF or Feabie for my life's entertainment and enjoyment. I realize that being 70 years old and married does not make me very desirable. But I remain a member, and am glad to share my 50 years experience as an FA and a member of the size acceptance community to anyone who wants advice, or just wants to chat about it. I wish people happy birthday on Feabie.

But what really bugs me is that the definition of feeder seems to be changing from someone who encourages someone to eat and gain weight, to someone who sends money to someone claiming to be a feedee. On both website's profiles, I have made it as clear as day that I do not send money or food to anyone for any reason. This is to avoid the half hour chats back and forth which culminates in a request for money. It's a waste of time for both of us, because no matter how special someone thinks they are, sending money just isn't going to happen. So, like someone pointed out, profiles need to be read before chatting.

Oh we have a problem but...uh...I don't think it's what you guys think it is, not right at this minute.

I think it's time we come together as a community to do something about it.