General

My partner who i love dearly was very vulnerable and told me about his feeder fantasy. I am a bigger girl and comfortable with my body but I don’t share the fetish with him. I don’t want to make him feel insecure, and I gain pleasure from him being in pleasure, but i don’t actually want to be stuffed or gain weight intentionally. I love the way he worships me now, and I’m all about living fantasies but i don’t know if that is enough for him to feel fulfilled. There is no good tips on how to bridge the relationship between someone who is into feederism and someone who isn’t. There are too many articles of it being abusive and he is anything but manipulative or abusive. He is super sweet and caring and would bury his desires if I told him I wanted him to, but i don’t want him to be any less of himself. Not sure if this is the right platform, but everywhere else just seems so accusatory of feeders. Would appreciate any tips for conversation on how to find a happy middle ground.

Compromise is the way.

Is this something you two discussed/he shared with you? Or an assumption you made?

I ask because this might be one possible entry point to continue the discussion.

He opened up and shared what it’s about for him, guessing you likely explained how things are for you, so as BBWcreator82 pointed out, time to bridge the gap.

If you’ve not already covered these topics with each other, some ideas:

* Is fantasy/pretend sufficient for him? If so, what are those boundaries, and how are you with them?

* Are you and he clear on which specific aspects of (theoretical) actual feedism are most fulfilling to him/his desires? What i’m getting at here is the many different foci in feedism. To throw out two, some feeders may be most lit up feeling actual changes (which we know is not on the table, but this is about discussion and learning what you’re each most into). Other feeders may be more into fat talk/posturing, so for them the mental/verbal aspect may be more exciting.

The reason i went to that last point is that if your guy gets giddy hearing a feedee talk up how eating a cupcake or donut or ______ is going to make her fatter, or all go to her hips or belly or wherever, it might be that you could do some trivial real life feedist stuff that would’t actually affect your size/weight, but his real-world seeing you eat something he associates with fatness/feedism and/or talking about it might really get him going.

Random examples that came to mind—everyone’s different. Find out more about what he’s into/most wants, and if he isn’t already, he should be doing something similar to find out more about you and what you most want, inside or outside feedism.

Best Wishes to you both!

Are you comfortable with him touching/praising your body? If so perhaps you two can find a middle ground of him worshipping/cuddling/groping you without you engaging in the stuffing/overeating/gaining aspect of this kink. Another thing you two might be interested in is role play, if he really wants to engage his feeder side maybe y'all can dirty talk about it in the heat of the moment with the understanding that it's just a fantasy.

To expand on what’s been said about communicating and compromise with some first hand experience; I am in a relationship with someone who is also not into this kink. I came out to her about it and explained what I like (I’m into all types of feedism, feeder, feedee, mutual, etc.) and she was very cool with it all and accepted me.

Shes actually on the smaller side, but I am still very attracted to her and after explaining all this to her she now engages in some kinky fun in the bedroom since she knows I’m into it. She doesn’t have to gain for me and I can if I want to (as long as I’m staying healthy overall), but it’s more about being happy together and indulging in one another’s fantasies since we love each other as people first.

Sounds like you might be in a similar situation so hopefully that helps.

i think the previous responses have lots of great things to consider. the fact that you care about each other and respect each other is huge - by far the most important thing. anyone who puts "feeder fantasy" ahead of that is, in my mind, not a person worth partnering with.

you are also young, according to your profile anyway. and so i will leave this additional info to consider: you are going to change, and so is your partner. i have been involved in the fetish of feedism in several different capacities over my whole adult like - like, more than 20 years. things are much different, and i am much different than i was 20 year ago. or even 10 years ago. my views have changed, my desires have changed. i still appreciate the same things, but my relationship to my partner and to the fetish is different now. and i imagine it will continue to change as time goes on.

which is all to say, don't take any of this too hard or two much to heart. understanding and compassion and love rule, all this other stuff is much easier to find a compromise about. and with luck you will both find other things (kinks, etc.) that you will bond over - i certainly have, even now well into my 40s.

best of luck to you both!

I'm a feeder/feedee/general-weight-gain-enthusiast as well as a fat admirer. My wife loves food and is a small bbw, but has no fat related kinks. We've been married for over 25 years, and if we'd had the usual ups and downs I can say (with relief) that none of that was because of this kink mis-match.

We were married before I knew there were other people out there who shared my interests, which maybe helped because I never expected to get to live out my kinks. She did let herself grow from a size 12 to an 18 after we got together, so I got to enjoy that and remember it with gratitude ever since, as well as enjoy the softness that she still has. She has naturally gone down and up a number of times by maybe 25 pounds, and a smaller swing each Summer/Winter, and those cycles are enjoyable too.

I think the key part is that she doesn't make me feel any shame for loving the weight that she's gained. She may not be personally into it, but she doesn't mind that, say, grabbing the softest part of her thigh turns me on, or that I love to run my finger along the softest part of her upper arm. And with great care on how I interact I get to come to fat places on the web where I can discuss weight gain with others who do share these feelings, letting these thoughts out of my head occasionally.

Like the Rolling Stones sang
"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime
You'll find
You get what you need"
that was certainly my experience. I need to be able to appreciate some fat and to be able to express my desires this way sometimes, there is a lot of other stuff that I want, but I don't need it. And that has made things work out quite well overall.