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How do you cope with comments?

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Poet2   Canada
Joined 2 years
I’ve been with my gf for around 4 years. When we met she was around 5’4” and 140 lbs. I recall her saying at that time “Can you believe that I was 180lbs?” I think that she was subconsciously telling me that I was meeting the thin version of her.

She started to gain weight a few weeks after we met. Having had gained weight in the past myself. I’ve done a body recomposition since but at one time it was all in my belly. It took a long time to get rid of the belly because I wasn’t actively trying to. I warned her to take care of it now or it’s going to become hard much later.

I mention this because there’s a cognitive dissonance there. On the one hand she wants to be skinny and on the other hand she’s not actively trying to lose weight. If ça i had to guess I think that she’s probably around 190 lbs now. I think that she looks better and I’ve told told her so but I support her either way.

Im 5’ 9” and 185 lbs up from 174 lbs at the end of last year. We’re moving in together in a few months and I notice that she’s been ordering out Pizza a lot more then we have in the past and orders one for me. She’s also been cooking for me a lot more. The other day I mentioned on purpose that I’m at my heaviest. I don’t have a gut and if I had to put a label on it I’m chunky.

Also a family member says that I look the best that I have ever been. At my lowest in the past I was 126 lbs and usually hovered around 150 - 155 lbs. My gf said to put on weight and body fat.

The reason why I post this is because she didn’t like that her ex husband was over weight. I feel conflicted because I feel better when I’m heavier. I feel more grounded like I like having a larger behind, legs, arms etc. feel less tired, I enjoy my gf’s cooking but I recall the comments years ago when I had a belly. Some people and not all commented that I put on weight or that I was fat. I’m posting this for advice on how you deal with similar comments.
2 years

How do you cope with comments?

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Voluptuouslover   United States
Joined 16 years
Poet2:
I’ve been with my gf for around 4 years. When we met she was around 5’4” and 140 lbs. I recall her saying at that time “Can you believe that I was 180lbs?” I think that she was subconsciously telling me that I was meeting the thin version of her.

That is completely sexy to think about, she was trying to let you know it may not be long till she is back at 180lbs. or heavier.

She started to gain weight a few weeks after we met.

Thus why she told you because she knew she would be packing th lbs. right back on line a good fatty does.

Having had gained weight in the past myself. I’ve done a body recomposition since but at one time it was all in my belly. It took a long time to get rid of the belly because I wasn’t actively trying to. I warned her to take care of it now or it’s going to become hard much later.

Do you want her to get fatter or were you trying to tell her in advance she may become really fat at the rate she is going?


I mention this because there’s a cognitive dissonance there. On the one hand she wants to be skinny and on the other hand she’s not actively trying to lose weight.

She is a good gaining girlfriend, that is a big + in my book.

If ça i had to guess I think that she’s probably around 190 lbs now. I think that she looks better and I’ve told told her so but I support her either way.

Im 5’ 9” and 185 lbs up from 174 lbs at the end of last year. We’re moving in together in a few months and I notice that she’s been ordering out Pizza a lot more then we have in the past and orders one for me. She’s also been cooking for me a lot more. The other day I mentioned on purpose that I’m at my heaviest. I don’t have a gut and if I had to put a label on it I’m chunky.


The reason why I post this is because she didn’t like that her ex husband was over weight. I feel conflicted because I feel better when I’m heavier. I feel more grounded like I like having a larger behind, legs, arms etc. feel less tired, I enjoy my gf’s cooking but I recall the comments years ago when I had a belly. Some people and not all commented that I put on weight or that I was fat. I’m posting this for advice on how you deal with similar comments.


I wouldn’t put much weight (pun intended) on the fact she mentioned her ex was overweight and she didn’t like it. Most ex’s are not liked for one reason or another and usually more stuff gets piled on when they are an ex. My wife alluded to the same thing but as we had been married for many years and I grew the biggest gut she seemed to be not only turned on by how big I got but seemed to want to fe me even bigger. Not to mention she couldn’t stop making love to me all the time. Make sure your Gf feels like she is the one that is feeding you Fat and she will love it. Not to mention if she will feel much more secure with you having a big ole gut if she is getting fatter and fatter at the same time. Believe me, I would have never thought my wife would have desired me more with a 55” belly sticking out in front of me then when she met me with ripped abs….but she certainly wanted and initiated sex all the time when I developed my huge gut.
2 years

How do you cope with comments?

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Poet2   Canada
Joined 2 years
Most ex’s are not liked for one reason or another and usually more stuff gets piled on when they are an ex.


You have a good point voluptuouslover.

Make sure your Gf feels like she is the one that is feeding you Fat and she will love it.


Yes I’ll show her more appreciation with her cooking.

Not to mention if she will feel much more secure with you having a big ole gut if she is getting fatter and fatter at the same time.


She was skinny when she met me. She was even skinnier in older pictures and she was bigger than she is now. Secretly I’d like to see her reach 250 lbs. I didn’t say anything when she was putting on eight because I didn’t want to make her feel insecure but I liked how she was filling out. It started mostly in her belly and now she’s filling out in her arms, shoulders, back and everywhere. Her face looks healthier rounder.

So from what you’re saying that if I put on weight then it will transfer that effect to her and she’ll continue.

Believe me, I would have never thought my wife would have desired me more with a 55” belly sticking out in front of me then when she met me with ripped abs….


When we met she said that she likes athletic guys. She’s been touching my arms and chest and she likes it and she be my stomach. There more weight I have put on it’s going to different places. Who would have known when I met her that she wants me to put on weight and body fat.
2 years

How do you cope with comments?

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Edxl   Canada
Joined 16 years
Possibly she didn't even know? If she'd been rejecting 'fat her', maybe she was also rejecting everything associated with it, including having a fat partner?

But then as she felt more secure and comfortable with somebody who is treating her well (i.e. you!), maybe that all changed?

Of course the only way to know is to ask, either outright or more subtly. You know, either "You know I love your cooking, but you know I've put on weight since we got together. I don't want to enjoy myself to the point that you aren't attracted to me, so I want to know how you are feeling about what I've gained and if I need to watch my waist more?" or else "I think I need to go shopping for a larger size of jeans" and watch her expression and what she says and try to read how she's feeling about it.
2 years

How do you cope with comments?

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Poet2   Canada
Joined 2 years
If she'd been rejecting 'fat her', maybe she was also rejecting everything associated with it, including having a fat partner?


That’s a good observation and I appreciate your advice on regards with how to ask her. Where the confusion is that she says that she wants to lose weight but she has not maintained or lost weight since we met almost five years ago.

Recently when I hinted at her that I’ve reached a milestone her responses were you can get as big as you want, put on more weight, put on more body fat. I think she wants me to join her and as was previously mentioned she’s getting comfortable and it would make her feel more secure.

I’m on the opposite side of the spectrum for almost all of my life. I like how I can feel like I have more mass, I’m more filled out, it’s slightly more effort breathing when walking, feeling less tired because I have more energy. I don’t turn down any of her offerings except sometimes when it’s a desert and I can tell that she gets slight disappointed. I’m trying to surround myself with bigger people so that there are no judgments and that I get support.

This is where I struggle.

How do you cope with the fat comments?

How do you let go of your thin body that’s your have for most of your life?

I have a mental block, I have a part of me that’s hanging on to old ideals but also wants to simply be happy with his gf and is enjoying the feeling of filling out and putting on weight.

On the one hand I have her and she doesn’t care. She did say that she likes athletic guys but is now hinting at liking the opposite. She’s probably just saying that she was into at the time but I think that she doesn’t want to lose weight. She’s wants me to join her.
2 years

How do you cope with comments?

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Edxl   Canada
Joined 16 years
Here is one way to think about the effects of gaining weight -- thin privilege is totally a thing, and you are losing thin privilege. To some extent you never would have felt it when you were thinner, because you always had it.

This has two effects: the loss of that privilege, and people being surprised, shocked, and even upset that you are willing to give that up. So when you get comments and so on, you can ask yourself "are they commenting because they can get away with it now" (picking on the less privileged), or because they are disturbed that I'm giving up that privilege? The first group are people who are good to push out of your life. The second group are more worried for you, and to them you just tell them that you are very happy as you are, and leave it at that.
2 years

How do you cope with comments?

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Poet2   Canada
Joined 2 years
This has two effects: the loss of that privilege, and people being surprised, shocked, and even upset that you are willing to give that up.


I never thought of it that way because as you said, it’s not something I’ve thought about. I’ve had similar feelings about seeing others gain a lot of weight. I never said anything because I want to be supportive there could be a multitude of different reasons why someone gains weight. They’re not personal to me and as you said you can reverse that and it shouldn’t be personal to others.

I can understand being shocked. I was shocked at others. As previously mentioned I feel great.

My gf is supportive as well. She says that it suits me and that I look better. I asked her how much weight was she thinking about? She said 10 lbs which would take me to 195. I had a goal of 200 lbs. She was excited about hearing that.

So she may really want me to gain 10 lbs more. I was 158 lbs when we first met. I think she said 10 lbs not to scare me off because I have a feeling once that I reach that goal she won’t mind if there’s another 10 lbs goal.

The first group are people who are good to push out of your life.


That’s a good point. That’s why I joined because I want to find a group to learn more about their perspective aside from being in the group that is more privileged. Maybe at some point that mental stress will be a lot less. It’s not that bad, I’m worried about co workers when we return to office. I’m sure that there are some coworkers that have a similar stress.

I can always post here.

The second group are more worried for you, and to them you just tell them that you are very happy as you are, and leave it at that.


That is true. I’m happy and I can just leave it at that.
2 years