General

I don't think the fetish is the issue. People with all kinds of fetishes and kinks find love all the time.

The problem I'm seeing is how people approach the fetish. Mind you, not everyone on this site is like this. A lot of you are perfectly lovely. Still, there is a sizable chunk of people who do not know how to interact with others.

I've personally dealt with people who are terrible conversationalists, too pushy, do not respect boundaries, do not listen, are manipulative, etc. So, when I interact with others, my guard is up. Add to the fact that a lot of us have our own personal traumas? Oy vey

Exactly. You have to put the person first and the fetish last. And on a site where everyone has similar interests, you have stand out from the crowd. That's where that personal connection comes into play.

Don't come into my inbox, give me your government name, and tell me to hop on kik. I don't know you enough to trust you. Instead, take the time to get to know me. Let me get to know you. It's a give and take kind of deal.

There is a huge need for an overall understanding of social skills especially when it comes to online etiquette. When you have so many cultures that are able to converse with each other so freely; certain norms get lost in translation. Then, when you add the constant messages one will receive whether in the messages in the chat (not the general chat but the personal message)that can be offensive because there is a plethora of folks here who don't understand you can't start a personal chat saying: "Hello Fat Ass !" So, you can find plenty of people here who have the same interests it is just that you have to let things germinate naturally but that is predicated on a basic knowledge of social norms because we don't want rudeness to become the baseline of a good community of like minded people because Feabie will eventually germinate to the fat version of Onlyfans due to the amount of hubris and rudeness that permeates that entire site.

I'd go so far to say that allowing yourself to believe in hope is the stupidest damn thing you can do to yourself.

As someone who loved to eat and thus grew up fat I never entertained the idea of being emotionally or romantically fulfilled. That was just always something for other people, normal people, thin people, but not me. And I accepted that.

So while I wasn't happy per se, I was content with my lot in life, and that was enough.

Then fatefully, 15 years or so ago I discovered the BHM/FFA community existed, and for the first time in my life I saw a bright light of hope in the distance. It was a revelation compared to the dim contentment that I had always lived in.

So like an idiot I followed that bright light. And followed it. And followed it...

By the time I realised I was never going to reach it, I turned around and discovered I could no longer see the once comforting dim contentment of where I started, and was now alone in the dark and completely reliant on that bright light.

And when that bright light you now rely on, that hope, starts to fade, then you're truly fucked.

Mostly seeding the hope that there's someone out there who could actually love you, especially for who you are. Even just the idea of someone who actually finds you sexy instead of disgusting is an amazing feeling.

If you've never believed such a person exists, and thought you would always be alone, that hope completely changes the outlook you have of your possible future.

And when you finally wise up and realise that it's not going to happen, it's utterly devastating.

That's why I strongly suggest to not entertain hope. Hope is for fools. It's far more wise to accept your reality instead of devoting yourself to hope and chasing unicorns that you'll never catch.

Yes. It is possible. A lot of selfish bad people out there. Also many decent people. There is young lady I have talked to off and on for 12 years. She found a partner and husband on here. They live the fetish and mutually gained but also realistically set some limits.

Definitely. Ive been in 3 long term relationships with this “fetish” being front and center in the bedroom including my current marriage for which we’re now planning our double digit anniversary.

Firstly, in the west there are more “obese/overweight” people than “underweight” people. This seems to imply that a propensity to eat more than required is endemic. Secondly, with honesty (and some courage) you may find that of you choose a partner already evidently overeating or keen on buying you large meals in the dating stages and being engaging with your body, then when presented with the reality of your preferences they will be willing to at least explore than usually ignored part of their personality and if the enjoyment they receive in that exploration is greater that the social pressures a more long term engagement will more often than not occur.

Weight gain and healthy eating is a commonly praised attribute in infancy and hence there is often a natural behaviour to tend to it if that behaviour or its results aren’t chastised later in life.

Give it a few tries and don't forget we have the advantage of finding relationships with filters already in place using these platforms.

@X_Larsson I'm not what you'd call vanilla - I've been part of the BDSM scene for 30 years now - but you can't make rum raisin without vanilla! In my experience, even the kinkiest among us adore vanilla 🍦😊

Well yeah, what do you think are the whole point of sites like this?

@X_Larsson it's such a subjective space, I think finding certainty or patterns is near on impossible.

I'm a sub leaning Switch. I think I fall in to the category of being naturally submissive, with my kinks and preferences developing and changing over time with different experiences. There are things I thoroughly enjoy now that just a few years ago I was repulsed by. And some things I will only receive or give in specific situations or with specific people.

I think sometimes people overlook the fetish of simply engaging in sexual play with a gainer of an advanced size, whether vanilla or kinky sex ensues. It's a kink in itself.

Conversely, for me, I've discovered that body contrast is more of a fetish than a simple preference, particularly the more I've gained. I can be simply chatting to someone and get enormously turned on by their muscular body - like a literal physiological reaction in certain parts of my anatomy - whereas another delightful human might not be built that way and I won't feel the same urge and desire despite our obvious compatibility otherwise.

It's like Pavlov's dog, but instead of a bell It's a set of rock hard abs lol (I'm being facetious obvs but the sentiment is true, for me at least)

At the end of the day, vanilla or rum raisin, we evolve as sexual beings and open, honest, non-judgemental communication is key for me. And safe words.